I (24M) don’t know how to feel about my girlfriend (24F) being friends with people shes slept with

Hi, I’ve been dating this girl for several months now. I have male and female friends, she does too. I have never slept with any of my female friends, she has slept with a few of her male friends.

In my past relationships, I’ve never had this issue. But I currently don’t know how to handle my feelings towards her hanging out with her friends that she has slept with.

I get that’s the past, but I don’t know how I’d feel if she were to, for example, go on a trip with these friends present? Or what if a friend needs to crash at her place for a night?

I’m not going to ask her to get rid of her friendships or anything controlling like that, it’s just I don’t know if this is a normal thing or not and how to set boundaries in a healthy manner.

It also makes me feel insecure, jealous, and honestly mad, especially if I’m hanging out with her and a friend she’s slept with is also present.

I don’t know how best to bring up these feelings to her without making her feel bad or what solution we could even come to when handling this.

Any advice or stories of your own would be appreciated. Thank you

Netizens’ comments

1. You have to ask to have a sit down where you both can express your feelings to each other.
   If you cannot express your concerns, then you will never get over it and it will fester. Your relationship will not last and you wasted all this time. If you both cannot come to a decision together then just remove yourself from this relationship and find somebody more compatible to your beliefs.
   You will hear people saying its a YOU problem. Guess what, their right, but you also have the right to feel secure in any relationship that your in.
2. The solution is the one the vast majority of people use: We don’t maintain friendships with former partners.
   She is going to have to learn this on her own terms, and probably break a bunch of relationships in the meantime. She is like everyone else. We convince ourselves we’re special and only other people are subject to the basic unwritten rules. Then we break everything around us a few times and realize, “Oh… yeah, I’m not actually more special than anyone else.”
   The problem you face is that you have to say common sense things to someone who is still in the process of slowly discovering they aren’t the special flower.
   Tell her your concerns, demand nothing of her, and accept in your heart that this relationship is very likely going to die in a fiery wreck. Enjoy the ride.

Those relationship that has strict parents

How do you deal with your gf/bf having strict parents in your early 20s?

By strict I mean not having dates/meeting up every week, keeps talking about your partner negatively daily, keeps calling/texting you about your whereabouts thinking you are meeting your partner etc.

I would love to hear people who has experienced this and how did both of you two manage to overcome this and eventually get married.

Here are what netizens think

• currently in one now.
  
  have to bite the bullet and tahan lor. his side broke us up before so our solution was for me to pretend that i don’t exist as his gf. this means no going to each other’s houses, no talking about dating to his parents (i tried for mine and they said no too – because i haven’t start working) and that we can only hang out outside of our houses as friends. (i also don’t like having people around in my house anyway so it doesn’t affect me too much)
  
  we have plans to get married but i also foresee that the road will not be an easy one. rn our main goal is to achieve financial stability first then use money to ‘manipulate’ our parents.
  
• Just leave, the parents talking s**t about you nonstop is going to get to his/her head eventually. Been there before, her parents convinced her that I would go broke and borrow money from her just because I do stocks/options. I never yolo or do any risky stuff.
  
• I think before, my mother hated the idea of me having a bf. Its like someone stealing away her daughter from her. So what I did was, make my boyfriend look damn good in their eyes. To help them realise, actually he just wants to take care of her.
  
  So mothers day gift, we gave her a special label printer. And i said, it was my boyfriends idea. Talk about his ambitions and ideas sometimes. He sends me home everytime, so I make sure to mention that too. I would also say we go out to have meals, hiking and how we spend time with his own family.
  
  Gradually, my mother started to came around. She invited him for dinners, CNY, and very soon, she was also comfortable with me staying over at his place. Just that he cannot stayover at mine’s. Hahaha
  
  I think they are very strict initially, is either they cant let go, they dont trust or they have attachment issues la. Most importantly, they need to feel comfortable with your partner. Its different for each parent, I guess.

My gf (23F) always complains about things and I’m (24M) considering leaving her.

So I need advice, my gf constantly complains about things that are super small and irrelevant and she just rants about it like it’s the end of the world.

Every time I see her she has something new to complain about and I’m so tired of it, I just want to hear something positive for once.

I have a lot that I go through and I take most of it to the chin to try to keep my stress out of our relationship. She does the opposite and that usually means me dealing with my stress and hers.

She also is very insecure about when I go out and hang with my friends without her and even when I invite her she never wants to go.

She always throws a fit and complains about how I will do things with them and not her which is totally not true at all.

Some days I question if I even love her anymore because of how much it has pushed me away but I know deep down I still do.

I just need help because I don’t know if after 5 years this is something worth ending it all over.

Netizens’ comments

1. By the time you are using absolute terms like “always” or “never” it is usually too late. You at that point are only seeing the negative of a situation and generally speaking out of exasperation. Sometimes people have to be apart to learn to appreciate the other and to personally grow..maybe it is time.
2. That is exhausting. Have you tried talking to her about it? In the past I have done some irritating things that have bothered my husband and I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Once he explained how annoying it was I have always been more self-conscious of myself and would like to think I have improved. Maybe she doesn’t even understand how bad she is doing it. Not saying you should stay with her, but if you did want to give it a little longer try talking to her first.
3. Sounds like you have matured past her. You are completely correct, too. Who wants to go thru life complaining, who wants to hear people complain?
   If you don’t think this will change and you don’t want to be around it, move on. There are plenty of young women who are grateful and happy with what they get. This is a mindset that your girlfriend does not have.
   You are less likely to find a partner that is grateful and happy if you are with your current girlfriend and it is not kind to look for someone else while you are with her.

WhatsApp groups for work (red flag)

Just curious how many people here have WhatsApp groups for work? And I’m not talking about casual or social topics on those groups.

Ive been in companies where colleagues set up a WhatsApp group similar to our in-office clique.

Ive also been in companies where managers set up these groups and use it as an alternative to Teams or Slack or email.

Honestly my WhatsApp is my personal line, and I don’t want to receive messages after office hours, or be checking my phone to see if any important instructions came on in the day. I want to set a clear demarcation between work life and personal life.

How is it for you guys, and how do y’all feel about the practice?

Here are what netizens think

• Yes. Practically all my msging accts are also used for work. Social media accts as well. At work we also use Slack and Zoom and the GSuite stuff.
  
  My WhatsApp has >10 active work group chats for our staff in different depts/events/parts of the world. Technology has ruined us.
  
• Hahaha my whatsapp has been completely taken over by work.
  WhatsApp = Work, Telegram = Personal
  
• Nothing wrong with muting them after office hours.
  
  In my previous line of work, we have an app to clock in and out of work, and if we did any OT we would receive OT pay. My manager liked to ping people after work to do stuff, and most people did it without clocking in because it took ten minutes at most to complete. However, I was new, and I didn’t understand most things.
  
  Cue malicious compliance.
  
  I clocked in, did the work, clocked out. This went on almost daily for a whole month. HR called me in and wanted me to explain why I had multiple clock in instances after work hours. I showed them all the messages from my manager, and I told them that I expected to be compensated for it.
  
  Manager made a huge hoo-ha, said how other people didn’t clock in for OT if it’s simple stuff blah blah blah. I said that this was officially after office hours, and any work done outside of office hours was entitled to OT pay as stated in my contract.
  
  Manager had a major shouting fight with HR, she proceeded to have a mental breakdown (I think), I got my OT pay, and ever since then I’ve learnt to ignore everything that happens outside of office hours unless I’m getting compensated for it.

my boyfriend (22m) sits on his phone 24/7 with me (22f) but when he’s out with his friends he doesn’t touch it

For context, my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 6 years, this has been an ongoing issue since basically the beginning and i’m just not sure what to do about it.

He has broken boundaries (nothing detrimental, but enough to cause trust issues and anxiety) multiple times throughout our relationship and sometimes when he goes out, i ask for a simple check in every couple of hours, nothing crazy but enough to know that we’re still on track and everything is all good.

It seems almost impossible to get this from him, but if we’re hanging out, it’s impossible to get him off of his phone for even an hour or so.

He’s constantly on phone calls, responding to texts, scrolling through socials etc. I guess i’m just frustrated and tired of feeling like he’s more worried about his outward appearance to his friends than to me.

I do have anxiety in general and i know that this isn’t his problem but i would hope that he would try to work with me to the best of his abilities.

Am i asking for too much or overreacting? Any advice is appreciated!

we’ve had the hard conversations, the “are we growing apart” and “should we keep going” etc, i don’t think he’s cheating just because he’s so so open with what he’s doing.

if him and his friends are talking about something funny he’ll show me, he’s not hiding his screen when i come in the room etc.

He’s very involved in pop culture and music (he’s in a band so that’s part of the reason he’s online so much, too). It could be that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, im just not sure how i would go about confronting that anymore than i already have.

the last thing i want to do is lose him, i’d rather just feel more connected if that makes any sense

Netizens’ comments

He might not want to be in a relationship with you but he’s not willing to confront that. Sort of like the way he’s not willing to “confront” you by getting off his phone and interacting with you the way he does with his friends. If, and that’s a big if, this is true, he’s being a coward by not telling you that he wants to break up.

Basically, he’s avoiding you by using his phone. The above is just one guess as to why. It could also be a number of other things. At this point, I’m just hoping that he’s not cheating one you.

Sorry if I’m sounding all doom and gloom, but constantly avoiding you by using his phone is a pretty bad sign.

50 working hours per week

Asking for my friend who is from Malaysia and recently received an offer to work in Singapore in the music teaching industry.

His new offer requires him to work 4 weekdays(30hours) and 2 weekends (20hours) per week. He get to rest on every Tuesday.

Is this kind of work arrangement even legal, given the long working hours? And the pay is just average ($2.5k), no OT nor benefits.

Is there any better choice for him in the music teaching industry?

Here are what netizens think

• Negotiate for a better offer. He’s still covered under part 4 of the employment act as he is drawing under 2.6k.
  
  If not, take the offer elsewhere, the company sounds scummy to me. The working hours arrangement is legal, however, not paying OT isn’t. Also the company must still adhere to the minimum benefits states under the employment act.
  
• You didn’t deduct lunch hours. That’s 44 hour work week quite normal
  
• Check the MOM website. I think they have guidelines for this. Best thing your friend or you can do 🙂 is to ask for OT pay for the 6 hours of extra work. If you’re desperate and scared that they retract the offer then suck it up.
  
• Malaysians are usually okay with working longer hours, problem is pay too low, gotta negotiate more.
  
• He can reject the offer if he doesn’t think it’s fantastic
  
• Everybody is usually okay with working longer hours, if the pay is right.

My gf (20f) blocked me and is upset at me (21m) for not buying a luxury bag for her

I have been with my partner for almost 3 years now and recently today my gf called me in the morning all upset and angry at me for not getting her a $4,000 bag which is now out of stock.

She now blocked me so I can’t message her nor is she refusing to even talk to me.

You see the thing is I am only a full time student who only has nothing but an underpaid part time job and monthly school allowance from my parents which is just nice to cover my daily expenses.

I already feel guilty enough but I never for once failed in trying my best to provide her with the best gifts and love in our relationship despite my limited finances.

Furthermore I always have to tighten my belt and survive only having a couple of dollars for me to spend for myself.

I’m just at a point where I’m mentally exhausted and frustrated even though I have tried talking to her countless of times about it but it ends up with another cycle of her ignoring the subject and getting upset at me.

Netizens’ comments

1. Holy crap, dude. Drop this entitled, spoiled brat yesterday.
2. Are you for real? You don’t see how you’re being used? You’re a student with a part time job and trying to provide her with ‘the best gifts’ and depriving yourself??
3. She sounds like a scammer—probably with a few fish on the line. Let me guess: you do not see each other as often as you would like, and when you do, you’re expected to pay for everything plus buy her stuff.
   If so, you don’t have a girlfriend, you have a paid escort.
   Do yourself a favor: hit the gym and the books. Add some campus activities, and you’re certain to find real girls who are interested in you, not your buying power. And block the current user-GF forever. Good luck.
4. She’s being unreasonable. Does she think she’s a Kardashian? Whatever you do, do not spend $4,000 on a stupid purse.
   If she breaks up with you over that, good riddance because she’s just using you and has no care for how spending that much money would negatively effect you.
   Frankly, I’d dump her right now for being selfish and manipulative. You’re 21. This relationship isn’t going to last, anyway.
   There are plenty of other women in the world, go find one that isn’t a user. I know that at your age 3 years seems like a long time but it’s nothing in the scheme of things.

So basically I sold a cheap gaming keyboard on carousell just so I could declutter my drawer, it was a 2-3 year old gaming keyboard that I previously used that had both wired/wireless connection.

Keep that in mind as that is very important

Found a buyer who disrespected me when there were some issues with the keyboard

So basically I listed this item on carousell and I got a buyer, lets call this person, X. So me and X agreed to meetup for X to collect and pay for the keyboard through cash.

Upon meeting him, he gave a very hostile feeling towards me and I felt uncomfortable, but of course I still had to explain how the wireless part of the keyboard worked.

So I went accordingly to what I supposedly remember on how to pair the keyboard. Also remember this, its a very important detail

Alright so when the deal was made, I went back to my house and was busy doing my business until I decided to open carousell to see if there was anyone else to buy my other listed items.

However I saw that there was a message on the top right icon, so I decided to open it.

Now this is where the problem begins: The first message I saw was “You sold me a defective kb that can’t pair!”

And I was okay, that was my mistake on my end, I had failed to explain it properly to my customer, however without even asking for help or assistance on how to use the keyboard properly, X immediately asked for a refund which says “Meet me at [LOCATION] in 30 minutes, I want my money back”.

Which got me really confused, X asked for a refund before trying to resolve the issue whether by themselves or with my assistance.

So in my head I was like “okay why not I use the video tutorial that I watched before on how to pair this keyboard”.

Okay so sent but I still felt bad and apologised to X saying “Sorry I did not explain it very clearly on how to pair the keyboard” and I also said “I had forgotten how to use the bluetooth version of it as I had always used the wired mode”. And I even added a message saying “My apologies”

Now this is where the real issue begins:

As I had previously mentioned above, I apologised not being able to explain it clearly on how to pair the keyboard with the laptop which I will admit is my mistake.

However, X sent a message saying “Apologies not gonna cut it. Still cannot connect to Bluetooth”. Now what I am getting from this message is that it is useless for me to apologise which of course I found it a little bit disappointing but the next message X sent me was “Just cuz you’re young doesn’t mean you can pull a fast one”.

Now that was really offensive, at this point I strongly belief that I am just getting taken advantage of, clearly at this point what I am understanding from this message is that since I am young, I can easily trick someone.

Now obviously after the apology and the tutorials I have sent X obviously were ignored by them as now X thinks I am tricking them into keeping my keyboard as well as me having the money.

So I was like okay, I just wanted to quickly resolve this issue and move on.

Now then the second part is also just as bad as the first:

Now remember that I mentioned that this was a wired/wireless keyboard? So I suggested to X that he should use the wired connection instead of the wireless connection because I thought that since they were having so much issue with wireless, why not just use wired connection, so I said “Ok then why not use wired connection?”

But I do not know which part of the listing ever said that this was a wireless keyboard ONLY.

But in their own interpretation of “Cheap Gaming Keyboard” which was the listing name, it was apparently wireless.

I do not know where in the world did they think that this was A WIRELESS keyboard but instead it could also be used by just connecting the usb-c plug into the port of the keyboard.

So he sent this “Because it’s a wireless kb and I WANT TO USE IT WIRELESS!”

Which honestly baffles me, it is not a wireless keyboard, it is a wired/wireless keyboard. Furthermore, this message just sounds rude towards me but in the next text “Don’t get smart with me”.

This text really set me off and pissed me off a lot, first I got age discriminated then now disrespected.

So in the end I did not want to deal with this problem anymore and decided to just refund it since even after sending 2 youtube tutorials which were really easy to understand, X still could not catch it and as well as being outright disrespectful towards me and my age.

I hope that this person learns from their mistake and takes this as a learning opportunity to stop being such a a-hole which is opposite of what the reviews say about them.

So in the end, what I am getting from X is that, if you are younger than them, you are probably going to be disrespected by X just because you are younger.

Basically, from mid 2020 – mid 2022 I didn’t socialize. More like I didn’t have a chance to socialize at all. During that 2 years, I could say I have become more mature than before.

Not that I’m a completely mature person. It’s just I’ve become more mature than I was 2 years ago. And that change of personality has affected my confidence a lot. In both socializing and dating.

I just cannot be myself amongst new people

The problem with socializing is that I cannot make small talks and new friends. I have a small circle of friends that I have known for 6-7 years. Whenever I try to make new friends and small talk, I am always worried that the person I’m talking to wouldn’t be interested or is feeling annoyed.

Another reason is that because I spend time with my really close friends a lot it always feels like the new friends I’m trying to hang with don’t compare to my old friends.

Of course I do not want to think of it this way. I want to shake away this feeling. But it always feels like I cannot be my true self when I’m meeting with new people. The only people I can genuinely talk to are my close friends.

I cannot make a joke to sound more friendly like I always do with my close friends. I always see some people always energetic and funny talking to whoever whether they a close friends, casual friend or classmates. And I really admire them.

In terms of low confidence with dating, When I was 18-19, I used to have 500 likes on a dating app and I was always making conversations with girls on the app.

But now I created a new account and I only got 50 likes in a week and I am always thinking “What if I text her and turns out she just accidentally swipe right?”

“What if what I say to her is no different from hundreds of other guys texting her and I don’t stand out?” “What if my pickup line is something really basic and annoys them?”.

I do not have a chance to date people at uni too since I’m even awkward to socialize and make new friends, let alone finding a date in uni.

Overall, I feel like the confidence I had as a teenager is more like a teenager not giving a f what he sounds like to other people or not caring whether he is annoying other people or not.

And not actual confidence a mature adult person have.

Can anyone gives me tips on how to be less socially awkward and have more confidence? Thanks.

My story begins with me having a secret crush on my cousin. I have never told anyone about my feelings, and while I thought that they were unrequited, I also felt like I would never have the courage to confess my feelings to her.

Decided to confess my feelings for her after finding out that she is not blood related to me

I was always in awe of her beauty, intelligence, and her bubbly personality. She seemed to be the perfect girl, and I felt like I was not good enough for her.

However, little did I know that she was adopted by my relatives. I found out about this through from my parents one day when we were just talking about our families, and while I was surprised, I also felt like this was my chance to make a move.

This newfound knowledge gave me the courage to finally tell her what I had been feeling for so long.

I decided to take her out to dinner and tell her how I felt. We had known each other since we were children, so I felt like I had a chance. I was nervous, but I knew that I had to take this opportunity to finally confess my feelings. I was determined to make her my forever.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I saw that she had already arrived. She was even more beautiful than I had remembered. We talked for a while and I could tell that she was a bit confused about why I had asked her out.

I finally mustered up the courage to tell her how I felt. I told her that I had been secretly in love with her for years, and that I finally realized that she was not actually related to me.

At first, she seemed a bit shocked, because she herself did not know that she was not the blood child of my relatives,] but then she smiled and told me that she had actually felt the same way towards me.

She told me that she had been afraid to share her feelings with me because of our family connections. We talked for a while and I could tell that we had a strong connection.

She then told me to give her some time to find out the truth about her birth from her parents before we decide on what to do.

We both knew that we had found something special and even though it might seem complicated because in name we were still family, we decided to take things slowly.

Somewhere deep inside, we both knew that there was a future for us.