My boyfriend (24 M) invites his friends over to MY home(24 F) and makes me feel bad.

The title says it all, it is MY unit that my parents have rented FOR me. He is basically living here rent free and contributes just a little bit.

No I am not okay with this and has communicated this to him multiple times. He has this friend that he invites over and that friend basically just crashes over in my home, when I was gone on holiday and I just came back few days ago.

He started saying “you are so isolated you never have anyone over, I am a sociable person and like having people over”

I was like I’m sorry but this is MY apartment? He started trying to make me feel bad and saying I don’t even invite any of my friends over and said I’m isolated, what is wrong with me wanting my own personal space?

My house is my safe space ISN’T it? Worst part is, he doesn’t even pay rent so I don’t even know where the entitlement is coming from.

Him and his friend do nothing but smoke cigarettes and drink at my house and he has the audacity to say I’m a negative person and this is no big deal.

I tried kicking him out when I came back but he said he doesn’t have a place to go to atm and I should have told him earlier.

I want to call the police but there’s just so much at stake and with the police it’s a long process so idk.

My 26F husband 27M doesn’t like physical touch/hugs anymore

My 26F husband 27M and I have been married for 4 years, together for 8. When we first started dating and before we got married I was always very affectionate with hugs, cuddling and kisses. This was something he always reciprocated and also initiated himself too.

We used to cuddle when we slept (something I’ve always enjoyed and really wanted in a relationship) a few years in he told me he prefers not to cuddle when we sleep, I asked if we could cuddle before we fall asleep instead, he agreed.

Next he says it’s too much, he wants and needs his personal space. It gets to the point where I have a deal that we cuddle in bed for at least 2 minutes twice a week. That dwindled down to once every two weeks, me begging (and trying to joke about it so it doesn’t become a serious argument)

Now that “deal” is completely gone. We rarely cuddle in bed, we’ll get close when we’re watching something on our phones or talking, but he will tell me to back off his side of the bed if he thinks I’m too close.

Again always citing personal space. Tonight I tried to put my arm over his chest for a hug while we were chatting and he blocked me. So I asked if I could give him a hug, he said no in a playful way.

I asked again in a cute playful tone and pouted but he refused again and dropped the playful tone, saying he needed personal space, after he’d been resting his head on my pillow (that’s how close we’re laying) . This made me drop my playful tone and I said, okay then and turned over to sleep.

He of course picked up my tone and asked what was wrong, why I was upset. I told him he knows that it upsets me when he doesn’t want to hug or cuddle anymore. It upsets me even more because I don’t know how to solve this issue when we both have very different mindsets about physical contact/touch.

No other part of our relationship has a disagreement like this that feels like it’s at an impasse. I really really love him, he’s my best friend and I love spending everyday with him and building our life together. But whenever this comes up again I just don’t know what to do.

I feel as if he doesn’t like my touch, but he still want to get intimate with me in bed. He’ll hold my hand on the couch, let me rest my head on him sometimes but when we get to bed this switch changes. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable so I feel like I should default to his preferences and accept that our love languages are not the same?

I (31M) just got dumped by my 3 month GF(30F), Her reason: She has only known toxic relationships and I am too good of a person. What the F does that mean?

She had only known toxic relationships where she was the victim part, now we have a completely healthy relationship and she said she couldn’t handle it

Myself having little experience in toxic dynamics, what could she possibly be feeling?

I am not thinking on pursuing any longer but would appreciate some insight from people who have had these kind of problems so I can understand a bit better what is going on in her head. Did she get bored? afraid of commitment? or else?

Netizens’ comments

1. Well, it could be a goofy excuse because she just isn’t interested anymore. But it could also be that her self esteem is trash and she doesn’t think she deserves you. Or that some part of her know she will self destruct (cheat, whatever) and she sees you as too good of a person to do that to. Could be a lot of things really. Hard to say.
2. It’s possible that she finds it difficult to react to you in healthy ways. When you’ve been in toxic relationships, every normal fight sparks the fight of flight response too. And you start reacting in really unhealthy and toxic ways yourself. Also, being treated well doesn’t feel safe as it’s unknown.
   She needs therapy, not a relationship
3. She is possibly realizing that she doesn’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. Hopefully she takes that and goes to therapy to heal herself.
4. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter because ultimately it means that she can’t/isn’t willing to put in the same amount of effort/ love that you are. So honestly it’s good that she ended it because otherwise you’d be putting a lot of time in effort into someone who won’t reciprocate it. Find someone who will.
5. It means you dodged a bullet. Mourn the loss of what you thought could have been and move on. Hope you find someone who appreciates all your goodness.

My (M27) GF (F27) was excited when talking about her friend’s hookup huge D
So,

For how silly and funny this sounds like, let me understand if I’m over reacting or not.

My (M27) GF (F27) was telling me about her friend’s hookup and when she started going down into the details I stated that I was not very interested in hearing the rest of the story

However she went on and apparently mentioned that this guy has a huge heavy weapon down there and that when she will meet him ( if the story between him and the friend goes on ) she can’t help but looking down on him with this face :O because now she know THAT detail.

Now, to me seems a little bit weird that my GF states all excited that that guy has a big D and she already knows that she will look down at him because she knows that but telling that to me was a little bit passing the line

I told her that I found that very very unpleasant to hear and disrespectful and she started crying saying that she was silly, she didn’t mean that, she didn’t mean to denigrate me bla bla bla

Honestly my dimensions are average, nothing to go crazy for. We have been together 9 months, she invested a lot into the relationship, she spent for me crazy money and time and she knows since the first day how my little friend does look like.

If it doesn’t satisfy her.. just leave. Why making those comments

I asked her to leave my place since I wanted some time alone

Am I honestly over reacting?

Netizens’ comments

1. Nah bro that’s a weird move on her part. I think you feel weird because that’s how she wanted you to feel. There are too many fish in the sea to be staying with a fish that is disrespectful/ inconsiderate of your feeling.
2. She made the comments because she wants a bigger D.
3. Yeah, a little bit. I mean he can’t help that he’s packing a bazooka just like you can’t help that you’re packing a crayon

Toxic working environment

What are some examples of toxic events you guys have faced at work? Be it part time or full time?

Here’s mine – currently working in a small shophouse as a marketing/admin. But as i am the only employee inside, i am doing literally everything. He even asked me to wash n mop the shop once every week, which i agreed since i had a pay raise from 2.3 to 2.5.

Long story short is that, everytime i give an idea for something, he disagrees steaight away and says it will not work.

However, few days later, be it him seeing online or someone else telling him, he suddenly proposes back the idea back to me and ask if that is a good idea. (Wtf?) He just doesnt trust me in anything. I feel that he doesnt give a fk about this shop too as he is always doing other things and not things that are related to this company.

I am even handling HR stuff like finding people to hire, with him not helping much at all and just give his opinion without much action. I know he is the boss but, i am the only one doing stuff, cant he help when this is his company?

Netizens’ comments

1. Were you hired for labour, or were you hired to do the thinking?
   • (OP) Hired more for thinking, and is related to social media marketing. Also i have nvr once feel appreciated at work for the things i done
2. Higher ups don’t take your work seriously, your ideas are dismissed.
   They talk to you as if you don’t understand things. But when someone else of a different position asks similar question they get a good response.
   Company treats your position as selectively invisible; they need you to do tasks but people of your position are never truly given credit or recognition or ownership of projects.
   Refusal to give or give vague instruction or direction. When you do stuff of your initiative boss says it’s not good / not relevant. When you do ask what you should do, get accused of lack of appropriate initiative. Your boss tell you do x, you do it as instructed, month later accuses you of doing x, which is against ‘rule abc’.
   • (OP) Sounds like what i am facing now, But what tilts me is i am the only one who is there to help him now, since it is a small shophouse that needs marketing, and i join just to gain experience as i am young. But he is still very rude

My friend just died and now her husband keeps trying to hit on me

I just found out that my friend passed away yesterday. I found out because her husband used her social media to tell me to call him.

After telling me about what happened, and me crying, he starts asking if we can be friends. I said yeah of course!

But then he tells me he’s waiting 2 months before dating again but we can still hang out. Weird but ok. Then he starts asking what he should do with the kids so we can hang out together.

I’m getting very weird vibes so i end the call. He immediately creates another social media account and adds me, then texts me his number, and is now non stop messaging me asking when we can hang out.

Am i being dramatic or is this weird? Your wife just died dude! I was friends with her for longer than you guys even knew each other.

You have two young kids. The last thing you should be doing is asking about my dating life

Netizens’ comments

1. Please, trust your instincts. With that said…Grief can make people react in ways that are not their normal selves. I recently seen this first hand when my Aunt passed. I hope you two can remember her and the good times each of you had.
2. He could be in some kind of shock or intense grief. Best to let him know that it’s not ok and give him space.
3. I know a lot of men move on really quickly after the death of a spouse because they can’t be alone…but that’s too fast. Either he’s been scoping you out for a while or he’s struggling with the death. Those poor kids.
4. just a thought… maybe hes very co-dependent and isnt handling being alone well at all. this could be a coping mechanism.
5. Though I have heard that men with young kids whose wife dies usually remarry super quickly. Sometimes because they just can’t be alone or because they want a new mom for their kids. Who knows. Either way, proceed with caution.
6. He’s on the hunt for wife #2/stepmom for the kids. I’ve known men like this and they are creepy and pathetic. I’ll bet you that he’s married again within 6 months.

[22 F & 28M] my boyfriend said he had the time of his life hanging out with another girl

My boyfriend and I went out clubbing last weekend with some of our friends.

There was this one girl sitting at a table so we asked if we could sit with her and she said yes and we started talking to her.

I had a friend come later so I went and met up with her (in the same club) and we hung out inside for a bit before we left her table.

I don’t remember what I said or how this happened but my boyfriend said that he had the time of his life hanging out with this girl that he had only just met.

I guess that made me feel a bit weird. She was pretty cool but I guess it just feels weird that my boyfriend said that about another girl when he’s not said that about hanging out with me.

Netizens’ comments

1. Yeah, that is weird. Did the exchange contact info?
   • (OP) Yes, they added each other on messenger.
     • Well then, you have new competition.
2. Assuming you don’t want to just break up you should tell him how it has made you feel and press him about their contact. Ask him to show you his account where she was added (ask him to do it without delay cause otherwise he might delete things). Ask him also where he was so long without notifying you.
   He might refuse your attempts to confirm situation, call you controlling and what not. That is fine, he can refuse what he wants, but at this point I would just leave him.
3. The best time of his life? What the hell did these couple of barflies talk about that was so amazing?
   Important question – does your boyfriend leave the house much? Does he have a healthy group of friends he sees often? Or is he a homebody?
   I’ve see this kind of reaction before and I’m willing to bet it was quite one-sided. Guys who aren’t used to getting any attention whatsoever get an hour of conversation with a random woman who may or may not even be that attractive and the novelty of the experience just blows their mind and they think they’re in love.
   One time I went to a friends party and met her new boyfriend. He was not my type at all and I just spent like half an hour getting to know him because he was dating my friend and I’d figure I’d be seeing more of him in the future.
   We had a nice chat. I talked to many other people at the party too and didn’t give him any special attention, I thought.
   Turns out I made such an impression on him that he broke up with my friend and told her that he wanted to be with me – he didn’t even bother to learn that I was in a long-term serious relationship before he did that.
   That’s my one personal story, I’ve seen and heard this happen to a lot of girls who are casually polite to a stranger. This is massive loser behavior to be honest. Not attractive at all.
   I understand why you’re feeling weird and jealous about it, but honestly you should also feel sorry for him that this was apparently “the best time of his life.”
   Frankly I think if you’re confident in yourself, you should encourage him to try to be friends with her. If he sees something good about her that is legitimate, then she’d probably be a cool friend to you, too.
   After getting to know her better he’ll lose his rose-colored glasses/beer goggles and realize she’s probably just a normal person and maybe he can be cool about it. If she was flirting with your boyfriend and that what this whole thing is about, and she wants to steal him, let her have him.
   She’d be doing you a favor getting him out of your hair.

My husband (m25) wants to divorce me (f24) because I’m “lazy”

My husband (m25) and I (f24) have been together for 8 years, married for 3 years. He has been distant for 5 months now. Barely speaking to me or when I speak to him he’s always on his phone ignoring what I’m saying.

Very little communication, he’s been sleeping in the guest room and we haven’t had any intimate activity since then.

Recently we had the talk… He says he hates that I don’t work much, I don’t “pull my weight” around the house and I don’t cook for him. He pays everything except for wifi and the phone bill which I pay for.

I work Monday-Friday 7am-2pm and my husband works 3pm-11pm. I come home to our 7 year old son hungry because all he was fed was cereal at 9am. After making him a quick lunch and settle in I usually clean up the kitchen that is always a mess from the morning.

Once I’m done I either go on a walk with my son or at the park. I then start dinner. After dinner we hang out watch movies/play then it’s time for showers and bedtime. When he’s all settled in I clean up the kitchen, spot clean around the house and throw away the trash.

Apparently, I have to meal prep my husband’s food because he doesn’t eat unless I make him food. I need to deep clean the whole house every day.

I don’t know what he does during the day but every time I see him when he’s not working he’s playing video games. It’s not fair that he gets to do everything he wants but I get yelled at for no reason.

I get so stressed and overwhelmed. When I tell him how much work it is I always get told “it’s your job”. We’ve always had issues. My main issue is that he’s not romantic or lovey with me anymore. I haven’t had one gift from him since the 2nd year. No anniversary, birthday or Valentine’s Day gift.

He wants me to change but I can’t. I’m trying my best and this is all I can push myself to do. It just hurts because I still love him so much and I feel like he hates me.

Lessons from my encik. What did he teach you?

My encik in BMT taught me how to siam child support payments. My encik in unit told me when the small head think, the big head cannot think one.

But most importantly my unit encik taught me that just because you are in a higher office, doesn’t mean you can screw your friends from your previous office. You may need them one day.

And sure enough, he was posted back to the unit he came from after his tour in my unit

Netizens’ comments

1. So how to siam? Share can?
   • (OP) Take ur earnings in cash and keep your head down. Any work you do just say you doing for fun and as a passion and not drawing salary especially in arts scene
2. You don’t have to be super upz, just don’t be a burden
3. I had a really good encik. He was the strictest guy I’ve ever met and had high standards for the people below him. He would push us to achieve great things like IPPT gold and stuff and demanded perfect work. But outside of camp he was always nice and always treated me food and stuff like that during team dinners and like hosting CNY at his house. He was really chill and honestly he’s one of the few guys I truly respect even after I ORD’ed
4. My encik taught me this one sentence which is actually pretty damn good. In life, when you do something, do it once and it do it good. Best encik ever tbh really nice guy, very lucky to have him
5. If you cannot, you must can.
6. under-promise, over-deliver
7. My unit encik taught me that promotions at work don’t automatically translate to a better life. He didn’t want promotions from CSM yet because he felt he had achieved a certain work-life balance that he could support with his income. A promotion means taking on extra work and seeing his family less often.

I had been hooking up with this girl for about a month, and last night she came over. Everything was as usual, we hooked up, but when we got up I noticed a brown stain on my white top sheet.

I don’t know if she saw it or not but at first I thought it was dried blood so I took it off and threw it in the closet fast so she wouldn’t be embarrassed. She left shortly after and I looked at the sheets, it’s definitely poo.

Am I wrong to ghost?? Or should I say something? I don’t think it was like a residual poop from not cleaning herself properly, I would have noticed before…

Edit: it might not be poop, it doesn’t smell. Maybe it is just discharge, excuse my ignorance

Netizens’ comments

1. I had this happen once. The gal I was seeing pooped in bed just the tiniest bit, but it really smelled. We both knew what had happened, but it was a new relationship so our communication wasn’t very well established.
   I pretended not to notice and washed the sheets after she left. Continued to sleep with her, never brought it up. I’m sure she was super embarrassed, but it would have done no good to add to it by telling her I noticed.
   And if I’d ghosted her or broken up over it, I would have missed out on the months of enjoyable dating I had with her after that.
   It’s your call, OP. But shart happens!
2. if it didn’t smell then she probably just started her period and it was brown blood/spotting from first day bleeding
3. Probably not poop. Brown discharge can happen for a number of reasons (imminent period or period is ending, birth control pills, etc.)
   Sometimes it looks a bit like poop but has a very different smell/texture. It’s just old blood that has turned brown from oxidation and is being expelled from the body. It’s normal and involuntary.
4. Are you sure not old blood? If it was poop I feel like it would have smelled a lot more potent… once I was done with my period for over 24 hours (that’s my rule lol) and I hooked up with an ex..
   he went to the bathroom and omg I saw it on his bed.. I took soap and water and rubbed it like crazy I was so embarrassed hahahah but it totally looked like dark poo at first.
   It was definitely old blood I put it up to my face like wtf was that me? There was nothing on him or my legs or anywhere else. Assuming it was just like a drop?? Who knows. But unless it smelled, it wasn’t poop