After work events

Is it really necessary to be hanging out with colleagues often after work? I know that most companies are like this, colleagues asking for drinks and hang out after work almost on a weekly basis.

Being really introverted, I dun mind hanging out once in a couple of months for a short dinner. But being peer pressured into hanging out often really drains me out, worrying I might get outcasted.

Personally, I spend most of my time after work hanging out with family at home, enjoying alone time, or hanging out with long term friends outside of work.

Is it bad if I reject them frequently? Really would much prefer spending time with myself and those who matter more, instead of colleagues whom I have been seeing everyday from 8 – 6.

Here are what netizens think:

• My boss told me that i don’t talk too quiet don’t socialise don’t say hi or good morning only mind my own work and never eat lunch dinner and bond with others. My contact was terminated early and yes what i can say is they only prefer 99 percent extroverts in the workplace. It’s ok we don’t owe them anything just talk for work other then that don’t bother about cbai colleague

• Are these colleagues useful or relevant for your line of work? If yes, join them at least once in a while to PR and network. If u dun really need their help ever then dun have to give face. hahahaha…

• You join wrong company. Your next company you need to ask if the colleagues and bosses there are married with kids..

• I feel you../Learn how to say “No” politely.I also prefer to go home straight.. sometimes they misinterpret it.. but the right peers will totally understand you..

Indeed life is better overseas?

I was a local graduate with honours in Computer Engineering who worked in a couple of major firms in Singapore back in 2011. I used to presume that Singapore wage system is fair and just but when I was given an opportunity to work in Australia. That changed my perception of what is it to live my life.

Back then I was making approximately SGD$70k after 4 years of experiences and I would say it’s decent income and getting a car and property wasn’t out of the picture. While being brought up as a skeptic, I was presumptuous to assume countries like Australia will never be able to offer a better balance between ‘cost-of-living’ and ‘quality-of-living’.

Fast forward, I took a leap of faith and accepted an offer to move in Australia with a starting renumeration package of AUD$100k and ever since never looked back. It’s been 8 years now and I’m making more than AUD$210k and the best part is I learnt how to cook and have time for self cultivation.

Now I have so much more time to focus on how to get my work done and how to improvise on the quality. Apart from that, I have time for me and my family’s well-being. We don’t hit the malls every other weekends because of the need for air-conditioning and retail therapy, we have beautiful parks and reserves for our kids to explore nature in a different way.

Witnessing so many base-less comments, I sincerely feel for Singaporeans.

I wish to also take this opportunity to correct some misled folks surrounding concerns such as high food cost, high taxation, racism and climate can be remediated with options.

High taxation system

Every Jul, you get to justify what you spent on work related items and get a portion of your tax back. Items like car depreciation, work wear, property leasing, utilities etc and these are just some examples of what you could potentially claim back in taxes and ultimately you pay lesser tax than someone who works in singapore and ‘own’ a car.

High food cost (cost-of-living)

The convenience is Singapore is undebatable. We have convenience at our finger tips but at the expense of ‘how busy your day to day life is’. In Australia, if you learnt to cook and enjoy a good home cooked meal while only eating out on weekends, you will find that cost of living ain’t that bad. Over the years, there are plenty of affordable ‘cai fan’ popping all over various suburbs and these variety ranged from $5 to $12 depending on the time you buy them.

Racism

No qualms that racism exists everywhere even in Singapore in today’s context. We are lucky because we are the other end of the spectrum in Singapore when we past on racism related topics in general. Many who couldn’t adapt to a foreign country and returned complaining how ‘horrible racism is’ often fail to assimilate into the local culture but rather tried to acculturate their own beliefs to the local dime. That would be the crux of the issue here.

Climate

Indeed Singapore considered a safe place in terms of 365 days of single climate zone – wet and humid and often many dished out at Australia being overly-hot during summer and we get floods and experience other natural elements. My answer often is would you prefer 365 days of summer or 90 days of summer ? Is that surviving or living ? If your choice is the latter – welcome to Australia.

Ultimately as I got older, I learnt to experience what is life without experiencing the ups/downs while harvesting the fruits of nature apart from the ‘equatorial’ style living in Singapore. So far, I have multiple offers (similar wage range) back in my home – Singapore but I rejected them flatly even though I will always be a Singaporean but my heart is already with Australia.

There ain’t too many rights or wrongs that we have debate in life since life is so short after all. Go with your heart and live the best of your life without regret.

I hope more locals in Singapore are willing to step out of their comfort zone and perceive life from a different angle and perhaps that will land you in a better place.

Just my 2 cents and no offence to any opposing views

Is life really better in the 80s/ early 90s in sg?

I saw many old pics of sg during that period but couldn’t tell how life was life was back then as an average singaporean. Most of what I heard were from my parents and older relatives.

Cost of living was lower but so were salaries. Many in the workforce did not even have a diploma. Stuff like vacations and domestic helpers were luxuries. Mcdonalds and KFC meals were special treats.

Most flats were smaller and some families had 6-7 ppl cramping in a 2/3 room flat.

Taking photos were a big thing and videos were almost non-existent. Even so, most families dont own a camera. Unlike now where you can take hundreds of photos and videos on a single outing.

No netflix and youtube so you had to accept wtv was fed to you on tv.

No internet and mobile phones. School projects meant days and weeks of digging books in the library. No google and online reviews so finding a product or service was based on hearsay and referrals. No whatsapp and video calls so if you had someone who lived overseas, that once a week phone call was the only way of connecting with him. Buying stuff overseas was next to impossible unless you or someone flies there.

But they did say life was simpler, less stressful and everyone was much friendlier despite not having much.

Here are what netizens think:

• I grew up in the 80s and left in the late 80s/early 90s. It might be true that Life was simpler. But it’s like comparing apples and oranges especially with the advent of technology and the internet.

• Property has made many Singaporeans ‘rich’ – it has the best public housing system by far in the world. The desire to climb the economic ladder has always been there but in my humble opinion, social media has made it worse.

• Life was so much better in the 80/90s. families all hung out together on weekends, the living room TV was the only “screen” in the house, we all decided which show to watch as a family, there was only one landline phone per household, everyone used that. Outside, you had payphones. Being late to appointments was not the norm, you honoured the time chosen as u couldn’t just send a sneaky text as you are leaving the house abt being late. We knew which restaurants to go to, it was called “word of mouth”. Back then, society was more cohesive and a lot less individualistic in my opinion.

• I was happy with my meagre salary back in 90s. Everywhere wasn’t crowded. All of us can even afford to party every night. Everything is affordable.

Dating is so hard fr. Kind of want to give up some days.

Firstly it’s so hard to meet new people. My social circle is mostly attached people so they don’t have friends that they can introduce to me. (I’ve reached out and tried)

Second, ghosting is so common nowadays. I’ve never been ghosted until late last year and the feeling really sucks. Especially after you meet the person in real life. And it’s not really a stranger cos you have been texting for 2 months before meeting.

Third, I’m too picky. I have a specific type and that’s people who wear spectacles who are cute. That narrows my options significantly. I’m constantly trying to broaden my search but I’m afraid I won’t be as into them as they are to me.

Lastly, I’ve never been in a rs despite being mid-20s. Have been busy life and didn’t think about getting attached. And the only person that says I’m handsome is my mum, my sis said I was ugly. But I already knew that bro

Here are what netizens think:

• Love yourself. Go on a solo trip. When the right person comes along, she will be there and everything will fall in place naturally. Otherwise just live the best life you can for yourself because can never live for yourself once you become a boyfriend, husband and a father.

• Mid 20s and you want to commit in to a rs? Go out and see the world buddy…do this when you are young

• Being single is way better than being in a lousy relationship. At least u save yourself from heartbreak and after years of being together, say not suitable lor . Waste energy , time , effort and $

Hi all, sorry for adding on to the recent posts on jobs, but I really want to ask something.

I just grad from nus cs, but gpa is really bad, 3.4/5, and searching for jobs now. A few of the applications asked for gpa, which I feel that it is no pt applying to them since my gpa will automatically filter me out.

Should I still apply or just give up every application that asks for gpa, really demoralising for me. I do have a relevant internship, but it’s just 1, and although it is an MNC, not those top companies like Google, Amazon etc. The skills required fits my profile, but I feel sad that my application will most likely be thrown away cos of my gpa, without a chance for interviews. There are so many applicants and alot of them must be fch right, how to compete.

What shld I do? Shld I just try to apply and give myself a false chance at hope?

Thanks so much. I’m feeling kind of down atm.

Here are what netizens think:

• Just apply, back when i don’t have any degree. jobs that post “degree holders only”. i still get the job. it’s about how you present yourself when they interview you. you need to convince the interviewers. they made the right choice by picking you.

• i did asked my bosses why me? they told me there’s people who got higher paper qualifications than you. but somehow you convinced me that you can do it in the interview. confidences helps a lot. as a interviewer now myself , i look past qualifications now too

• Apply. Apply and you still have a chance. There are HRs or Hiring managers that don’t just judge based on GPA even tho I must say it is one of the basis.

• Apply. Any remote chance is still greater than nil. And if you get asked about your GPA, have a good reason/excuse. Also try reaching out to people in the company via LinkedIn and express your interest by doing informational interviews with them.

As an exchange student from an Asian country, I am finding certain things absolutely intolerable over here.

First, I cannot comprehend why there are so many traffic lights installed on the roads. I can find one littered literally every 100 m, especially near neighbourhood areas.

Does this really help in the reduction of accident rates? What is worse is that not many people uses them, hence it is kinda inefficient for people who are in a rush.

Secondly, it is extremely difficult to find a rubbish bin over here, especially near MRT stations and I do not understand WHY??? After drinking, I have to look around like a clown for a disposal bin to chuck my used beverage. Even those disposal bins are located at non-sheltered areas. What do you expect me to do when it rains? Throw it over like a basketball?

These are the 2 things that are seriously annoying. Other than that, SG people tend to be friendly, quite contented and tolerant, which is surprising.

Here are what netizens think:

• Very surprised to read this from a foreigner! Look, if you’re not happy stop complaining & go move yourself to Australia or UK or USA.

• If I am not wrong, rubbish bin is removed from MRT after the 911 attack. There are evidence that terrorist wanted to bomb our MRT stations. Therefore they removed the bins as a prevention.

• so… you are saying. in your home country. you wouldn’t mind to walk 500m for a traffic light but got an issue walking 10m for a bin here? (we do have rubbish bins everywhere in SG too)

• Wah the amount of “don’t like it go home” comments are scary! I think the OP pointed out valid points, which even as a Singaporean I can see why one would feel that way. The dustbin thing is indeed quite annoying, and I do have terrorism to blame for that (amongst other more terrible things).As for traffic lights.. I do feel its generally alright, but it’s frustrating sometimes how the same car gets caught in consecutive red lights.

• First of all, I feel sorry for all the hostile remarks you get. So much for SG people being “friendly” or “tolerant”. For a country that prides itself for its education, we sure are a stuck up spiteful bunch. God forbid anyone criticise us, we only want to listen to the good stuff.

Got into a relationship and suddenly I’m a stud? What the hell’s going on?

so, i’ve been single for a very long time. never had any girl smile at me, flirt with me or confess her love to me

2 months ago, i got into a relationship and suddenly i’m seeing girls smile at me in class, group mates are flirting w/ me like crazy and i even had a girl tell me she has a crush on me? wtf is going on?

Netizens’ comments

1. It could be that they learned you have a girlfriend, or simply… it is a change in your attitude: you likely look more confident, more ongoing, basically the positive effects of you being in a relationship, which changed your behavior in a more attractive way.
2. Sometimes, it feels safer to be friendly to someone who is already taken, as there is no expectation of anything else besides friendship.
3. bro wake up its time for revelie
4. Other than the girl who said she has a crush on you, have you ever thought that the others STILL aren’t interested in you, but they’re more relaxed and willing to tease you more/joke with you because you’re not going to mistake it as them being interested in you since you’re attached?
   I mean you’re still kind of mistaking their positive attention for romantic interest, but think about it. Not all positive attention is romantic interest, you know.
5. Works the same with Instagram likes if you notice.. if you single , girls that found you attractive will not like your photo often.. as soon as you are attached the number of likes will triple. Guys y’all know this .
6. Recall if you’d changed your lifestyle habits after having your gf, that’s the reason why you’re more attractive to others now. If anything you should be grateful to your gf more than ever, because it changes your outlook to the way how others interact with you.
   With that said, don’t fall for those female traps now, given that you’re attached.

Can a girl pass out during intercourse?

I (M 26) was hooking up with this girl (F 21). During the course of the act things got a bit intense. She grabbed me so tight with all eyes closed then she let go and just lay there seemingly unconscious.

She was not moving, not blinking, although she was breathing. I got scared and had to pull out fast even though I had not finished (It was our 2nd round).

This has never happened before in my life. Not with her or anybody else. I tried to wake her up at the time but could not do it, she just wouldn’t wake up.

She regained consciousness a few minutes later and told me she had no idea where she was or what had just happened.

Man, I was thinking about dressing her up and then calling emergency services. I could not imagine the shame of recounting the situation although I truly wanted to make sure she’s safe.

You can imagine the scare and level of confusion I was in. So, are such occurrences expected and common? What should someone do? Any personal experiences would be great.

Netizens’ comments

1. What’s the point of asking here, do we look like f-ing doctors?
2. Sure people can pass out. Never happened to me, but girlfriends have said it happened in the past. If it is regular it doesn’t hurt to get scanned. Doctors shouldn’t find that embarrassing. It’s interesting. Doctors like interesting.
3. May have been a vasovagal syncope (google it). If it happens again put her in the recovery position and see a doctor. There is no shame in it – medical staff don’t care about that stuff anyway. She may have low blood pressure.

I [M34] found out my wife [F28] cheated on me

We’ve been together for four years and I discovered my wife cheated on me.

But I discovered by reading her diary. I know that it’s messed up to read someone else’s diary. But I cannot help to think that what she did is worse.

I already had the suspicion she was into someone else. What I read was the confirmation of my fears.

I don’t know what to do, I have always been loyal to her.

I am so afraid to confront her. I don’t know what to say, because she would discover that I read her diary. I really don’t know what to do. I need advice you all.

Oh god look at me looking for advice on online. I feel miserable for what I did and for what I discovered. I could REALLY use some advice please.

1. Really? You found out your wife cheated and you are worried about her finding out you read her diary? FFS
2. Kick to the curb, start again. Someone who cheats on you either doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth, or thinks you are stupid enough to never find out.
   Both are disgusting and personally I refuse to even be friends with people who cheat on their spouse. It’s one of the most incredible betrayals a person can make, and one that is totally unnecessary (just divorce/break up). It always, without fail, indicates a failure in character and ethics that is so severe that the person cannot be trusted. Fundamentally, cheaters make a decision to irrecoverably hurt their partner emotionally for mere physical or emotional pleasure. Then, they make that decision again and again.
   And if you can’t trust your wife, who can you trust?