I’m tired of being shamed for dating a woman half my age

I’m closing in on 50, I’ve had a variety of normal and alternative relationships to put it mildly. I was married for around 20 years, now divorced. I have 4 kids, sole custody.

I’ve dated women my age, enjoyed their company a great deal, but I have an extremely high libido and I’ve only been able to find my match in this by poly dating or dating much younger.

I am currently dating a graduate student, in my field, upper 20’s. She’s not half my age, but effectively close enough. We’ve been dating for 8 months and so far everything is going great. We are intimate once or twice a day, sometimes more often. We spend a lot of time talking, going out, just snuggling together. We are both really happy.

My family treats me like I’m a predator. Her family isn’t happy either, but she dated mostly women before me and her homophobic parents are mildly happy she’s dating a man at the moment. She’s not close with any of them, but it upsets her they are judging her.

I’m just sick and tired of people who are miserable single and miserable married sitting here judging two people who are happy living their life. Yeah, it could go badly in the future, but that’s true for every relationship. People just need to mind their own business and let us enjoy our lives.

My husband wants to divorce me over nail polish

I was painting my nails in my office room and he came in and asked me why it smelled like nail polish. I told him I had been doing my nails just a few minutes ago, and he flipped out on me. He said they were bad for me because they were toxic, and that I wasn’t allowed to talk to him anymore. He promptly went to his man cave (aka his office) and shut the door on my face.

I opened the door and explained that my nails are my choice, and that I am a fashion – oriented woman who loves to look nice. Nails and lip gloss/lipstick are a big part on that. (Don’t get me started on the lipgloss, that’s a whole other issue he has a problem with.) I said I wouldn’t stop doing my nails because I want to look pretty.

This is an ongoing problem for us. His argument is that it’s toxic and it smells bad. I honestly don’t smell whatever it is he smells. He told me to go outside and do them in the patio. I find this request ridiculous because I’m working right now and I was just doing my nails on my down time, since I don’t have time to go outside to do my nails, and I’d have to wait every Saturday morning to do them.

I feel like he’s trying to control me, and this is such a stupid hill to die on. He should try to understand me too.

The worst thing is that we just bought a house and I thought all was going well. We hadn’t had any issues lately, and he said the word “divorce” out of nowhere.

I think it all boils down to the fact that I always end up doing whatever he wants me to because I don’t want to cause issues, and I am tired of having to hide it when I do my nails. It’s my house and I should be able to do whatever I want in my house.

I don’t think this this is normal. But I love my husband and I don’t want to lose him over something so stupid. I just want him to understand I am not doing my nails for him, but rather for myself. This is important to me.

I would feel butt ugly if I had no lip stick or nail polish on. I wish he could understand how I feel. I can put myself in his shoes but he can’t do the same for me. It’s all just so freaking frustrating it’s ridiculous.

When Chinese New Year comes around, I often find myself packing my bags and taking off for a short holiday. It’s not that I don’t enjoy this festive season, but I’m a little bit reluctant to stay home for numerous reasons.

One of the most significant ones is that I dread having to deal with my annoying relatives who come to visit during this time.

Annoying relatives

It is common for extended family members to come back home to celebrate Chinese New Year with their families.

This means that my house is almost always filled with relatives who I don’t particularly get along with. Most of them are my relatives from my father’s side of the family, and I just don’t enjoy their company.

The first issue is that they are all very nosy and like to pry into my personal life.

It’s like they have nothing better to do than to ask me questions about my life and my career, and they always have an opinion about what I should or shouldn’t do.

It’s really frustrating and I find myself wanting to get away from them as soon as possible.

The second issue is that they always bring up matters that are best left in the past. Whether it’s an old argument or a misunderstanding, they will always bring up the same topics over and over again. It’s like they don’t understand the concept of letting go and moving on.

Compare

Finally, the last issue is that they always bring up my failures or shortcomings. It’s like they enjoy pointing out my mistakes or failures, which can be very demoralizing and hurtful.

These are some of the reasons why I often find myself packing my bags and taking off for a short holiday during the Chinese New Year. It’s not that I’m ungrateful for their company or that I don’t appreciate their efforts in coming over, but I just don’t enjoy their company and I feel like I need to get away from them.

To be honest, I’m usually quite happy when they leave and I’m able to have some peace and quiet in my house.

But, at the same time, I feel a little guilty for not wanting to spend time with them. After all, they are my family and I should be thankful for the fact that they make the effort to come over and spend time with me.

However, at the end of the day, I just need to do what works best for me. If that means going on a holiday during Chinese New Year to avoid my annoying relatives, then so be it.

I just started a new job in an SME. In my department I have only one colleague, A, whom I partly share workload with. However, A is very antisocial person. She seems to hate her job a lot and never talks to other people. In fact, she seems to dislike working with our other colleagues. A speaks with a very dead and borderline aggressive voice, it seems like she really hates coming to work.

There was once a colleague approached A to clarify something, and A let out an audible sigh. That colleague came to ask me if A and I fought or anything but I told our colleague it was normal coming from A. A occassionally lets out her anger by slamming files onto her table while reaarranging them etc, and it kind of scares me.

I am also left out of email chains by her. There was once she went on leave without giving me the necessary documents to cover for her, even though our job scope both covers that area. That caused me to be reprimanded by my superior when I couldn’t pass him the info he wanted.

For me, I feel that there are many things that I can contribute to and improve in my department. I am passionate about my job and look forward to work. However, A’s attitude is a problem as whatever suggestion I make needs to have A’s support too, so I am stuck with doing things in the same lacklustre manner.

How should I communicate to A or my superior about this to improve the situation?

Here are what netizens think:

• Simple. Work hard to show the boss that you can take over the little department. Bosses know A’s problem and waiting for someone to takeover her. Her days will be numbered if you are able to takeover her.
• My suggestion is to draw lines on her work n yours. Make a clear distinction that your superior can see. If ever questioned why. U can justify by asking them to compare the work quality of hers and yours. Tell whoever asking, its not your responsibility to make her give a better quality work but it is your responsibility to the company to give your best. On the other hand, u do not want your work to be mistaken for hers or hers for yours as this will most definitely affect your KPI, bonus or promotion.
• Suggest that you talk to your RO about it before it starts to affect your performance. You may not be able to use this to point finger at your colleague for your poor performance/mistake later on, which in 1st place, your RO expected you to deal with it before sh*t happened.
• You should quit SME and join MNC. If I no choice but to join SME, I think I will hate to work just like your colleague.
• Ask her out for a drink or lunch then talk to her first…..if doesn’t work, talk to your boss

I recently went to a Focus Group Discussion on the Accountancy Workforce.

We were informed that there had been a decline in students joining Accountancy Degree and that the supply would not be able to meet the growing demand in accountants.

Things that were discussed include:

1. Skills and coverage of our local tertiary institutions for high-growth accounting jobs

2. What are your perceptions on SCAQ?

3. Where do you envisage yourself to be in the next 3 to 5 years?

4. Would you be interested to pursue emerging job roles with some relevance to accountancy (e.g. IT audit, sustainability reporting), or would you prefer to deepen your expertise and stay in roles that relies heavily on accounting skills?

5. What do you think can be done to make the Accountancy profession more attractive?

The first 4 points were rather mute and normal. The interesting part only came in when we discussed point 5 and the negative side of accounting as a profession. My group (which consisted of all auditors) mentioned the low starting pay and working hours which we believe were common points that everyone in accounting industry say. However, the facilitator from SAC started to say that the pay would grow in the future and that recently there had been an increase in starting pay. She even joked that when she discussed it with the Employers one of them said “no choice need to increase since one of the firmed bumped up the price”. This gave the impression that the employers themselves reluctantly increased the starting pay as they started to feel the sting from people leaving the profession and no one wants to join.

Then the part that made me sick was when we discussed the long working hours and no work life balance. The SAC facilitator said that it is normal everywhere to have long working hours and even she worked long hours. Another person from MOF even chimed in saying that even when his wife was giving birth, he still had to work in the hospital on 2am when his boss assigned him something then submitted it at 5am. He even bragged and laughed about it as if this is an achievement. The glorification of overwork and OT is disgusting.

Coming back to issues with accounting as a profession, we had stated the obvious answers and they just want to gaslight us saying it’s normal and everywhere is also the same. Really gave a sense of hopelessness and it seems like they do not want to change anything. Keeping the status quo.

“What do you think can be done to make the Accountancy profession more attractive?” they said, the answer is right in front and yet they want to be oblivious to it. All this are for show.

What do you guys think?”

Today, I felt my heart properly break for the first time. The course I’m studying has quite a heavy workload so I haven’t been going home for the past three weeks.

My father came to visit me today. He is rarely ever free and today is one of those days that he could make time.

My father is close to 70 years old and he is still not retired. He works as a cleaner at a country club during the day and holds another cleaning job at the community centre near my house at night. For some reason, he had half a day off today and he said he wanted to tour my hall. He came over and after showing him my room, we decided to get dinner at the Kopitiam at Kent Ridge MRT.

I know my father doesn’t have money so I offered to pay for his dinner. Guess what? The silly man ordered the cheapest thing he could find – fishball noodles. There was a lady (very well dressed, looks to be at least middle-class) infront of us in the queue and she left her chilli on the counter then walked away somewhere. My father didn’t see it and thought that that was an extra sauce so he just took it and put in on our tray. When the lady returned, she said very sarcastically that someone took her chilli while glancing up and down at my father. He immediately apologised and explained to her that we were not aware and that she could have her chilli back but she replied “你动过的我才不要。肮脏死”, which loosely translates into “I don’t want what you’ve touched. You’re dirty to death”.

This was when I realised that my father was still in his uniform.

I almost screamed at this lady seeing as she was clearly younger than my father and was being rude. However, my father held me back and simply apologised again. He said that he’s used to it and it suddenly hit me that this is what he does all on a day to day basis.

He apologises and lets people walk over him. He is invisible. I always knew my dad worked hard and is always at the mercy of others but seeing it with my own two eyes was an entirely different experience. I couldn’t even hold back my emotions and start tearing uncontrollably while we were eating. I had to lie that I was tearing because I got chilli in my eye but the truth is I was heartbroken by how my dad has to swallow his pride all the time.

I can’t wait for the day when I can tell him to stop working and stop apologising for everything. All my dad ever did was love and dote on me but everyone else has just been so awful to him. Dear rich people, what did we ever do wrong to you?

I’m an attractive guy who goes for fat/unattractive women because they give me a major ego boost.

I know this makes me a d!ck. It’s come to the point where I’m not even attracted to women “on my level” because going below it is so much fun.

These women would do anything for me. A lot of them were in relationships and they cheated on their boyfriends with an almost unnerving lack of hesitation.

Some had friends who were in love with me and betrayed them to spend an hour in bed with me. A lot of the ones in school skipped classes/bailed out on their homework just to hang out with me.

They all let me in unprotected (some even begged me NOT to use a condom).

They buy me stuff, they cook big meals, they give me random bjs. Sometimes I take it too far and treat them kinda bad just to see what they’d do and it literally only makes them treat me even better.

They all know that I’m seeing other girls and it doesn’t turn them off. In fact, it just makes them want to be the best and “win”.

Some of them get sick of my sh*t and cut me off, only to hit me up again a day or two later. It’s thrilling.

It was quite an unexpected conversation that I had with my friend recently.

He was telling me that he should own a car no matter how poor he was. At first, I thought he was joking, but he was serious. I could tell from the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice that he was resolute about this.

My friend had grown up in a low-income family and always dreamed of owning a car.

His parents had never allowed him to do so, as they believed it was too expensive and impractical. But the ambition to own a car never left him, and he had made it his life’s goal to achieve it.

At first, I thought his ambition was ridiculous and that he should focus on more practical goals. But then I started to understand why he was so intent on achieving this goal. He wanted to prove to himself and to everyone around him that he was capable of achieving something despite his financial circumstances.

So, my friend started taking on extra shifts at work to save up for his dream car. He also started eating more basic meals like rice with soya sauce to save money. It was clear that he was sacrificing a lot to achieve his goal.

The more I saw him sacrifice for his goal, the more I started to admire him.

But I found out his reason to get a car is to ‘get girls’

He told me that he had recently bought a car, and he was really proud of it. It was a nice car, but I was a little surprised to hear why he bought it. According to him, he bought it to “get girls”. He was hoping that a nice car would help him attract women, and he was willing to spend the money to make it happen.

At first, I thought this was a bad idea. I mean, sure, a nice car can help you look good, but it’s not going to guarantee you a date. You still have to be able to hold a conversation, be interesting, and be a good person. Plus, buying a car is a big financial decision, and it’s not something you should take lightly.

Unfortunately, my friend didn’t think too much about the financial implications of his decision. He bought the car on a whim, and he immediately regretted it. The car was costing him a lot of money. He had to pay for insurance, gas, and maintenance costs. He was also worried about the depreciation of the car’s value, which is something he hadn’t considered before.

It was clear that my friend had made a poor financial decision. He had bought the car in the hopes of impressing women, but the costs of owning it were outweighing the benefits. Not only was he paying a lot of money for the car, but he was also spending his time and energy worrying about it.

To the bro who is about to propose and found out he was lid to.

I understand how you feel. Been there. Not a pleasant feeling and never ends well if you talk about it. Personally, for me, I voiced out and things ended (but I wasn’t at the proposal stage yet but we were invested about 3 years as well).

I think what you need to do is evaluate if this is something you can get over (it’s gonna be so damn hard trust me) or is your love for her worth suffering on the inside for the next 30++ years. Sure the thought may disappear every now and then but when it resurfaces unexpectedly – what is your reaction? If you think you can deal with dying on the inside then by all means propose to her.

Trust me this will almost certainly end up in a break up if you do voice it out. I know the virg or whatever is not an issue to you but the lying is. Girls keep such info for a lot of different reasons like image, embarrassment, religion, fear of judgment, etc etc. You WILL NEVER find out the real reason because even if you confront her and she tells you the truth – can you really accept it and trust her? I don’t think so. Good luck and all the best bro.

Here are what netizens think:

• Maybe u can ask her first if theres anything she want to talk to u about. Cuz sometimes , if u dont ask, she may took it as u dont need to know since its her past. But dont be surprised if one day if u got married, suddenly she confess to you about it. U will be stunned like vegetable

• I will advocate about speaking up and being upfront about it. f it break up, that meant that things are never meant to be. There will always be a thorn in the heart. If the basic trust is not there, it will be hard to substain a relationship too.

• It is better to have a short term heart pain rather than a long term internal heart and mind injury.

I always hear nasty stories of her Thai wives are not the most faithful people but it had happened to me.

We had been married for over 5 years, and I thought we had a happy and fulfilling relationship. But one day, everything changed.

I was at work when my wife asked me to give her some money to buy diapers. I trusted her and she had access to my spare account which I let her use for buying daily necessities.

However, There was a $900 Paylah transaction from the account, and it was sent to a bank in Thailand. I was confused – why would my wife send money to Thailand without telling me?

I called her right away. She hesitated at first, but eventually, she told me the truth. She said that she needed the money to buy diapers for our baby, but instead, she had sent it to her lover in Thailand.

I was shocked and devastated. I couldn’t believe that the woman I loved and had built a life with would betray me like this. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t know if I could forgive her.

But despite my pain and anger, I knew that I had to try to work things out. We had a child together, and I didn’t want our marriage to end because of one mistake. So I sat down with my wife and we talked about what had happened.

She apologized profusely, and she begged for my forgiveness. She said that she loved me and our child, and that she had made a huge mistake. She promised to end things with her lover and focus on our marriage.

I was hesitant at first, but eventually, I agreed to give her another chance. It wasn’t easy, and there were times when I wanted to give up. But I loved her, and I wanted to make things work.

Over time, things started to get better. My wife proved to me that she was serious about changing, and I started to trust her again.

But deep down the trust has been broken and I do not know what to do.

I think if we dragged this any longer it will become a divorce but what about our baby?