I’m self-employed and for the month of Nov & Dec I work STUPID hours (12 hours a day, 7 days a week sometimes) due to Christmas shoppers.

That’s on top of juggling 3 kids, 3 cats, Christmas shopping, food shopping, wrapping presents, the housework, the washing, the school runs etc

I got home from the school run this morning and the house, especially the kitchen was a bit of a mess so I got to work washing up, taking the rubbish out etc. My husband called and I said I can’t really talk, I’m busy cleaning the kitchen and I really need to start work.

He replied with “What can I do to help?”.

Now I didn’t get angry but I did get a little annoyed and said why does he keep asking me that. Why doesn’t he just help? Half of the mess in the kitchen was his, he’d left the iron and ironing board out, his takeaway rubbish was left out from last night and he hadn’t made the bed.

I told him that its his house too and he should know what needs to be done, if there is rubbish out, throw it away. If its time for the cats to be fed, feed them and to stop asking me “What can I do to help”.

He’s now gone to work in a mood

This is all well and good, but we’ve had an on/off disagreement for months about letting her twin sleep in our bed when she visits. I think it’s an invasion of privacy, that’s our space and can be quite intimate, and I (25F) feel like that’s my relaxing space and I can’t relax with her twin in the bed with us. I also think it’s just weird and the attachment is a little bit too much, like it’s odd for them being nearly 30?

But my partner says I don’t understand because I’m not a twin, and our bed is her (my partner’s) bed too so if she wants her twin to stay in it, there shouldn’t be a problem.

Am I making a fuss?

Also, it’s not a S thing at all, I should add!

However, the last couple of months I’ve been getting aggravated and sleep-deprived because he has been taking up most of the bed.

At some point last year, he decided that he needed 10 extra pillows around his body for maximum comfort. This left me with about 50cm of space to sleep and I’m left dangling off the edge of our bed most nights. I tend to sleep near the edge of the bed anyway, so no biggie. But then he started encroaching more.

At first, he’d lie directly in the middle of the bed with pillows surrounding him. It was tolerable. But a couple of months ago, he decided along with the pillows, he NEEDS to have his leg and elbow across me. I’ve effectively become one of his pillows and he’s basically sleeping on top of me. I’ve recently started developing back pain and I’m pretty sure it’s from him over encumbering by spine with his body weight.

I’ve told him to stop putting his leg on me and to scoot over. I’ve mentioned several times that I’m starting to have back pain. But every night I have to fend off him wrapping himself over me and push him over.

He says he can’t help it, and I know he probably can’t because he is completely mentally incoherent when he’s mid sleep. But I’m sick of it. So I’ve started sleeping in the guest bedroom. He has told me it makes him sad when he wakes up and I’m not there, and he doesn’t want to go to sleep alone. I explained that he leaves me with so little room at this point, I have to choose between falling off the bed or having my spine crushed during the night. He said he can’t control it, and that he’s unconscious when he crushes me. I told him I don’t care if waking up to an empty bed makes him sad, and I don’t care that he can’t control what he does while sleeping. I can’t sleep in my own bed anymore without experiencing physical pain and that upsets me. He didn’t say a word and just walked into the room to sleep. After this conversation, I felt bad and tried sleeping with him again. It’s 3 am now and I’m writing this post because after shoving his leg off the middle of my back 4 times I have given up.

I feel terrible that I disregarded his emotions and I feel there may be a solution to this issue I may not be seeing. Did I handle this situation thw wrong way? Am I a big jerk?

Last week I got offered a job in a law firm, starting in 5 days.

I have told the agency about the job offer, but haven’t been able to tell the manager herself as she is off sick. I would feel bad for leaving them without much warning because my contract was supposed to end in mid-April of next year. Some family and friends have told me to just leave, while others have said I need to stay until the contract ends.

Will it look bad on me?

The job offer is about 4 times the amount of salary I am getting.