My older brother is somewhat useless. But my parents love him. He mooches off everyone. My dad retired a few years ago and can no longer afford to support my brother and his stupidity.

So ever the last five years I have lent my brother about $10,000. And he has paid back roughly $600.

Well he is getting married and he needs money for a honeymoon. Like $2,000. Which I can afford. But I don’t really feel like lending him money I know I won’t get back.

I said “No”. He kept calling me and texting me saying that his fiancee deserves a good honeymoon and that I should help him out. I point out that my parents paid for his degree and I had to go into debt to get mine because they had nothing left for me after he took six years to graduate. And that he still owes me $9,400.

Finally he gets my parents to call me and ask for the money. LoL. I’m already LC with them. They owe me money too. They start trying to guilt me. That I’m his little sister and I should love him enough to help. Blah blah blah.

After about a week of this crap I lost it. I told them fine. I will meet him at their house and help him out financially for the last time.

I showed up and we sat down at the kitchen table. I pulled out all the contracts that I made him sign when I lent him money. I also pulled out a printed copy of the check he paid me the $600 with.

I said he had a choice I could lend him the $2,000 but they had to pay me back what he owed me first or I could tear up all of his debt to me.

Huge fight. I’m an asshole for being so mercenary. How dare I treat family in such a transactional manner. I am a terrible person for letting him think I was going to help. Did I want to make them homeless by asking them for the $30,000 that they owed me too. Blah blah blah.

I said to call me when they decide

Now I’m getting crap from family because they are telling everyone that I won’t help out family. I’m a terrible daughter and sister. So I started asking everyone how much they were going to pay for his honeymoon. “No, no we don’t mean that WE should help. Just you. You’re his sister”.

Okay. Which of you guys is paying off what he owes me already. Radio silence.

But I found out from my cousin that they ar all talking about me behind my back. LoL. I don’t care

Normal for Singaporean man to stay with single parent throughout whole life?

Currently living in a 1 bedroom rented apartment with a older brother, and our mother who is the sole breadwinner for the pass few years of our lives until now we got stable job.

My older brother is applying BTO to move with GF alr, and I am single and planning to start saving money for a 3-4 room resale HDB and putting my mother as a essential occupier, giving her a bigger home to relax and retire in.

If I were to move out also, she would be alone and I don’t really like the idea of that. Hence..

Is it a norm for guys to forever live with their parents? And do girls find it like a “turn off” if they find out the guy first property is a HDB that he is living with his mom in?

Netizens’ comments

• your question shouldn’t be “is it normal?”
  your question should be “what are my values in life and does staying with my mom goes against this value?”
  Stick by your values, and good people will recognize and respect you for it.
  Sure, the reality is that it will be a turn off for many girls, but a great lady will understand and even love you more for this, compared to those who just want attention and be pampered and loved.
• not a turn off
  but if really cant get along w ur mom, you hv to choose 1 eh
  pls be transparent abt your situation from the start, dont need to lie abt this, nothing shameful, if the girl cant accept then that’s it

I’m jealous of how my boyfriend treats his friends

My (24f) boyfriend (26m) has a wonderful and close friend group that have known each other since they were young. I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 3 years and they’ve welcomed me into the group as one of their own and we all get along great.

The only thing is, I’ve noticed my bf is very affectionate and caring with them, but not so much with me. It makes me sad, and pretty jealous. For example, when one of them is going through a rough time, he’s constantly bringing it up and he’s visibly concerned and he’ll reach out to them daily checking in, will offer to bring his dog to their house to cheer them up, and he will choose careful words to use to make them feel heard and loved. Whereas with me, I just get weak “I’m sorry”s and no effort, nothing. I have to ask for affection, and I’ve embarrassed myself by getting upset and asking for more effort. I mean, on a regular basis even when things are fine I have to ask for the kinds of affection that are normal for relationships (casual touching, kisses, cuddling, etc)

I know he loves me, but I wish I received the same love and effort that his friends do. Another thing that makes me sad is when he’s out with his friends he’s off his phone and won’t respond to me at all for hours (which is fine, I know he’s with them and encourage him to have fun), but when he’s with me? He is on his phone the whole time and responding to them individually and the group chat constantly.

I shouldn’t have to teach someone how to love me, and I shouldn’t feel lonely while in a relationship. We have good times, and he tells me he loves me, but that’s different than truly feeling loved.

I’ve learned to just accept everything because this is the first healthy relationship I’ve been in since truly improving myself and my confidence. In the past I chose abusive and toxic guys/girls to date because I just wanted to feel something. I am happy, but I can’t help but wonder if I could be happier.

Should I quit my job?

So… as title suggests, here we go. The main dilemma I have is if quitting a job when I am only 2 months in since employment is a good choice or not.

For context:

So this is my first job and I work in a lab. I do have an idea of what my career goals are in life, and figured to achieve it, I needed work experience above all else, both in and out of a lab. The problem is, I am not getting any work experience, let alone chance to work done, at all at my company, as the work system and progression is incredibly inefficient and slow. For close to 2 months, I have not done anything remotely productive at all, and with how the system works in place (e.g. everything has to be “trained” before you are allowed to do anything), this will probably keep going on for another few months.

Some chitchat with my fellow colleagues and observing how the gears turn at my workplace have practically confirmed that most of the work experience I want would be at best a year and more away, meaning months of idleness or the odd job here and there (kind of like now). And even if i did somehow not lose my mind from being idle, with the inefficiency the system has at this company, overtime is practically needed everyday as I see in my colleagues or the system itself will punish you for failing to meet demands.

To cap things off, here is where I am asking for opinions to help make or steel my mind. My friends have told me that I would be better off resigning and finding another job to look for what I want, as I am clearly unhappy with the depressing environment as well as outdated and slow-paced nature of my current company. However, my parents are not really pleased with the notion of me quitting my first job so quickly and so early, and that I should “tough it out” for at least a year and more. But if this job is not helping with my future career path and goals, am I not just wasting my time for something that might not even help out in my resume?

Is it really okay to quit this early, especially given its my first “real” job?

TL;DR First job, incredibly slow-paced and inefficient company, not getting to learn or do anything at all, thinking of quitting and seek another (hopefully better) job that can give me what I want but am afraid of quitting early due to parental pressure and stigma.

With covid, nowadays real estate price is going sky high. Those who are rich, they can afford a private property without any concern.

Whereas those middle class income population, private property will never be an option. And HDB will need to wait till 35.

Is like saying that single people don’t deserve a life…. We don’t need a space for us to live our own life…

Staying with parents is a blessing. But I wish I could have some personal space and privacy as well.

Here are what netizens think:

• Just SK it up and stay with your parents. People in other countries get kick out at 18 with no option of public housing , work entry level with crazy rental prices for a cage room. Sure you say they higher income. But you ownself say I middle income. Not happy, want independence, want privacy, go pool your resources , find a couple of roommates, go rent a house. If not go camping at east coast park.

• Govt is artificially restricting housing prices to prevent the crash in prices 10yrs down the road when there are lesser young ppl.

• If you’re not happy, just show your dissatisfaction by voting the other parties lor. How to have ur cake and eat it leh. The gov is already very obvious, u want “cheap” housing, u better get married and have kids.

• yea. it’s been discussed for a long time. even in other countries like the states. it’s like i sell u chicken rice for 100 dollar, is it affordable? yes it is “affordable”, i can pay 100, but is it justified?

• Yes it is hard, and houses (both public and private) are getting smaller too so multi generational living is becoming more unbearable for people who desire FREEDUMB once they hit 21. Rentals could become a thing like other countries but hopefully a solution can be found without chrashing property prices.

Gender reveal parties makes absolutely no sense.

You see like in sports, you’ll have support for one team and against another. If your team wins, you’ll cheer and feel happy. If your team loses, you’ll frown and feel frustrated.

But gender reveal however….if it’s a boy, they’ll cheer, if it’s the girl, they’ll cheer.

Like…what’s the actual point? Am I supposed to hope for a specific gender and cheer about it? What if the outcome is different and I got the opposite of what I want? Should I abort the child and try again?

If I show that I’m frustrated, then I’m the asshole for no reason.

Either way you’re expected to be happy no matter what?

Some people spent thousands for these pointless parties like….

Wtf?

No seriously I don’t see what’s the point if either outcome you’re expected to be happy.

It makes 0 sense.

Here are what netizen thinks:

• It’s just a feel good thing, an excuse to celebrate. Actually, you don’t need a reason to celebrate but having one makes it better!

• It’s a reason for celebration as becoming pregnant can be more and more difficult these days. No matter if the child is a boy or girl, it still remains a reason for celebration.

• Those games are for influencers to gain clicks and likes. Even if not happy have to appear to be happy, right? Otherwise spend so much for what.

• I especially love the ones that burns down the whole forest and surrounding houses.

• How about just let people celebrate & do whatever they want without being judgmental? It’s not pointless to them. It doesn’t have to “make sense” to you. It’s their baby & they just wanna celebrate the joy with their loved ones.

Divorce procedure

While I was dating with my husband. We broke one once so badly. He did so much promises get to get me back.

Fast forward to today, we have dated for 16 years and married for 7 years with a toddler.

We are both in our mid 30s.

Things were nice and good in the beginning. Got our house, welcoming our first child etc.

However, things got worst for the past 1 year. All the promises and marriage vows are just seriously fart.

Every now and then, small little stuff could just trigger him off and result him to shut me off.

In the most recent incident, our toddler was having a meltdown and he got so pissed off and tried to tap our toddler with masking tape. The next moment, our toddler runs up to him wanting to play. All he did was to push away.

Him shutting me off could be just ignoring me, refusing to talk or help out at home and this can go days or even weeks.

The highest record we didn’t talk was 2 months. And he can just get triggered with all that small stuff. This could means me taking a little longer shower than usual or me taking a little longer time getting groceries/ being outside.

We can be talking happily in 1 week and next 3 weeks, we could be having Cold War.

To be honest, I would think that the last 1 year, we probably only talk for combined of 2 month the most.

To add on, he could just block me from Whatapp, cut off my wifi etc. (Childish ya? For someone earning a 5 digit income).

Right now it just feels like we are only staying in the same roof as housemates.

He no longer come in to sleep together and let alone any intimacy for the past year or so.

I am staying just because of my child and I think it’s really unhealthy. I don’t care if he has anyone outside (which I feel he may not). But my heart is dead.

I could only blame myself for being so naive, to even forgive him and getting back to him and landed myself in this state today.

I think i need to take up the courage to put this to a stop.

I am seeking for some advice here. I want to get a divorce but not sure how to begin.

I feel that there is no need for me to even talk to him as he is always in his mute zone when he is unhappy.

Do I speak to a lawyer first or do I just submit a request to the Singapore court?

My income is less than half of his and I don’t think it’s too much for Me to ask him to pay the full divorce fees. Moreover, he did took quite a big part of my savings where he met a financial issue during our Younger days.

Sorry but if anyone has been through a single side divorce request and how can I begin? Thanks in advance!