Okay so. I have a story to tell, in exchange give me some advice man.

Here it goes:

So recently I met a guy. To me, he’s charismatic and charming. So he texted me on Facebook for the first time and asked me out for dinner. I usually don’t agree to things like that because I have social anxiety. But that day I just happen to feel a little confident and I actually agree to meet. So we did.

He drove from his place to the place that I am at, and after a short conversation, I “up his pirate ship” (上了贼船) and then we went for dinner. Everything went well, i offered to AA for dinner, but he said it was fine. Then he sent me home. I thought the night was just gonna end like this, but we somehow agreed on going for a night drive and so we did.

I brought him to meet my friends and we had a super long night. It even ended with a kiss. It was one of the cutest night I’ve ever had, and romance is totally my thing. But omg this is where my emotional nightmare begins too.

We started talking more and everything seem normal, we did talk about some sexual topic too, he started it, but because I have a HSD, so I went along, it was a norm to me. We were able to talk for hours and it was amazing.

The next meet up happen because he offered to send me home on his own. Just nice we both ended work, and he went like “I send you home”. My god, ofc I said yes. Long story short the night ended with a blowjob. LOL

To be honest, he kind of did everything right. No red flags seem to appear. However my 6th sense told me to CSI him, and I did. His FB was super private so it was kinda hard.

Well, I found out he’s married with a son.

The timeline seem a bit off, they aren’t friend on Facebook, but the wife profile picture is still their wedding photo, so I actually gave him a benefit of a doubt maybe he’s separated. The last time the wife posted a photo of them was on April.

But I also saw on September, another girl tagged him tell him don’t find Asian gf.. What does that even mean… ????????‍ Slowly I found out even more evidence and it kinda make me sick in the stomach. I also found out that he has actually been planting his presence around me after I CSI him, he has been texting me since 2015. LMAO

Right now we are still talking, but it wasn’t as passionate the first time anymore. I do kinda like him, but I don’t know what to do. Do i confront him about it and ask for the truth? I’ve consulted my friends and they say “Married man will always choose family in the end”, I agree but I am not sure if they are still together. Or do I just ghost him, block him and forget about him? Im someone that needs closure, so I really don’t know what I should do. LOL

How do I tell my gf I want to spend some of my free time on myself?

Whenever I’m free she always asks me to travel over and spend time with her. While I do enjoy her company tremendously, there are times where I just feel like I wna spend some time on my own things, like chatting with my family or playing games with my friends.

However, whenever I bring it up, she gets immensely jealous. “Why can you spend time with them but not with me?” As such, I feel like I don’t have time to myself.

I’ve been trying reconcile these thoughts within myself. But whatever I do, it seems like the only option is for me to just spend time with her. And not have any time to myself. Eventually I’ll reach a point where I feel like i’ll just have to get used to it.

Is there anything I can do to help her feel better, and allow me to spend time the way I want to?

Netizens’ comments

1. Makes me wonder how old she might be…it’s normal for most women to share quality time with you, but this seems a bit excessive.
   End of the day, you’re the one controlling more of how the relationship goes, but it seems you’re surrending too much control to her such that, she might lose respect for you.
   You’ll likely have to set some boundaries and stand up for yourself…you can tell her ‘no’ in a slapstick manner so you dont come across too stern. Sometimes, absence does make the heart grow fonder, works both ways.
2. She obviously needs something to do on her own. And you can try talking to her calmly, seriously, though I’m not sure it may work. If talking does not work, the only way you can do is like some said, don’t tell her you’re free.
   I know lying is not good for any relationship, so you can bring this up to her & let her choose whether she wants a transparent relationship or a relationship with lies..

Toxic Mrt Culture

The culture in our MRT needs to be seriously changed. It has been full of nothing but kiasuness, impatient, rude, self centered and entitledness.

Starting with the MRT gantries. There are people who will always have card clash errors, insufficient funds error and will always keep standing at the same gantry trying to tap while being inconsiderate and oblivious to others behind them.

Then there will also be the toxic impatient people behind who will give the annoying look and make annoyed impatient noises at them, causing them to panic and creating this stressful culture.

Now onto queueing up for the trains. There will be kiasu people who blatantly cuts the queue to enter the train. As well as people who stands right in front of the door to rush into the train when the doors open before others have a chance to exit.

And finally within the trains itself. The way people fight for seats is as if they are running for Olympic gold. Then there will be the cats who stand extremely close to the seats while making people very uncomfortable, and waiting to pounce on an empty seat the moment they see one.

When an elderly or a pregnant lady boards, these people would act as though they were sleeping and do not bother. This problem is worst on Sundays especially with a particular group of people who always hoards the reserved seats.

Finally there will be the obnoxious people who do not know personal boundaries and spread their legs wide open, rubbing them against you

Love is not blind. Marry right and you’re set for life.

I’m an alpha. I know what I want and I can get it easily. I’ve never liked local women. They contribute little to nothing in a relationship and want the sky.

A smart man would marry a Malaysian woman. Marry one who is hungry and competitive and knows how to make money.

You don’t need to marry beneath your status. You just need her to think she is beneath your status. She will work twice as hard to prove her worth. And will also work hard to match your status.

Make her think you are also a hardworking man like her. Provide for her in the beginning by paying for dates, buying her a few expensive gifts. If she grew up poor, she would appreciate all these luxury that you promised to offer.

Keep her pregnant for the first few years. I know she love kids. I made sure we have sons. I let her take the lead in the household because she does a better job and she manages the money. She would take up more jobs as she aspires to upgrade our standard of living.

I followed her lead. I don’t need to be the man of the house. How many man is as lucky as me? Own properties, stay landed, own a few cars and no need to work? I’m not even near 50 and I can retire. I don’t work for money, money work for me.

I work on and off to pass time just so she feels supported but I let her do the bulk of it. When I make mistakes she has no choice but to forgive me too. Our children are still young so they still need both parents. Be sorry, appease her and you will continue to live the life that most people dream of.

Let her think she’s the alpha but we all know who’s the real alpha. Men, marry the right one. Love is over rated.

Should I give my GF 30K to help clear some of her student loans?

Like what the title says, I want to give my girlfriend 30K so I can help relieve some of her financial stresses.

I am 30. I have been dating my girlfriend (26) for almost 4 years, and I know I want to marry her one day. But I am also really worried for her. She has her degree in Kinesiology but has accumulated 60K in student debt.

She has a job now, but she is only making 40K and on top of this, she is getting more financial pressure from her family, as she is expected to help pay for a portion of the mortgage and the bills. I see the stress on her face and it hurts knowing that she is dealing with this on a daily basis.

I am about to start a new job that will pay me just over 100K per year gross. I graduated with an Engineering degree without any student debt thanks to my co-op jobs. I had been living at parents house and I have accumulated approximately 150K total in my savings.

I don’t own a house and potentially I will potentially need to replace my car in the future. I am not rich by any means, but I also know I am doing ok for someone my age.

She is not paying any interest rates on her student debts due to the pandemic, but she will next year. In my opinion, I think giving her money now would be good for her as it would significantly reduce the amount she would have to pay in the long run, but I am not sure if it is as simple as that.

Living has not been cheap as most people know. I have also come to terms that I am most likely won’t be buying a place here anytime soon. Her family relies on her so much as she does many of the errands for them and is sort of a designated driver for them.

I know I can be impulsive at times with decisions so I want to make sure I am doing this right. I am aware that this is a lot of money and that the potential of us breaking up (:() could happen. But if I do this, I expect nothing in return, just the peace of mind that she has hope of clearing her student loans sooner than she expected. Am I missing something?

Is there a better way I can help her with this? I am open to suggestions.

Just got off a relationship after a year+ and want to put things in perspective for myself. Probably gonna garner lots of hate comments also, but I’m kinda already broken over this so I guess I can still take a little more.

I (27F) am into the idea of gifting but my ex (31M) is not. It doesn’t have to be big and expensive, but I feel it shows how much you think of a person. My ex wasn’t well-to-do. His take home pay is about $3K and he has family expenses to take care of. For me, I’m better off financially in the sense that I earn slightly more and have less financial burden.

At the start of our relationship last year, it was all nice and rosy. I was using a crappy iPhone 6 last year and complaining to him how shitty my phone was. He told me he’d get a new iPhone for me when it launch but I thought he was just joking and didn’t take it seriously until he showed me his purchase proof. I was super touched and bought a gift for him… it was significantly smaller like $400+ but I knew it was on his wishlist. Over the course while waiting for the phone to deliver from Apple store, we had an argument and he gave his mom the iPhone instead. I wasn’t upset over it nor did I make a fuss and decided to get 1 for myself instead (this detail will come in later). Over the course of the next few months, he’d buy little random things for me like iPhone cover, computer mouse bla bla and I’d reciprocate with sending meals to him and some other random small items.

Our relationship is somewhat rocky and we always quarrel over small things. We text more than we meet just cos of our work situation and his commitments but we update each other on everything everyday.

For my birthday in Feb, he got me AirPods. I know he’d wanted to get a ps5 and I intended to get it for him for his bday but it was sold out everywhere so I looked for it for months… almost got scammed too. But alas, we quarrelled again like weeks before his birthday over something childish I don’t remember and then he INSISTED that I should not celebrate his birthday with him (not even before or after). so seeing that there is just no point to, I cancelled my order on the ps5 (bcos mechanics wise, my home situation don’t allow me to keep it. My parents have the habit of opening my parcels making it impossible to return anything). I figured that he’d also receive it from other people since our mutual friends talked about it. That was back in May. I wanted to get him something else but it was really super hard for me to bcos ever since I got the $400+ gift for him, he stopped telling me what he wants for fear that I’d just buy it for him. I told him what I wanted to buy for him but he again insisted not to. He is very adamant when he insist on something, so I let it go at his request and took him for a meal instead. That was back in May and just a side note, I know for a fact he wasn’t Seeing anyone else behind my back.

Fast forward to Sep, as a result of yet another quarrel over childish things, we didn’t celebrate our anni and I requested that we should make up for it cos it was important to me. We settled for a short staycation. That’s when everything went sour. Since it was anni celebration (to me), I wanted him to get me a fashion ring. I dropped many hints abt it like taking photos of what I think is nice and sending it to him asking him telling him the price and what I like etc. he didn’t say anything (like didn’t Cfm if he will get it for me or no). I’d also requested to have a nice lunch and he grumbled about it but he did say ok to it in the end. I mean… to me it was anni celebration and it isn’t every other day or month I’m asking for something. Tbh to date I still don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a gift on an occasion. It ended up that he didn’t get me a ring and of cos I wasn’t very happy about it but I didn’t show it bcos we still had the day ahead of us and I didn’t want to ruin the mood. That day happened to be the iPhone launch day so while chatting, he said he wanted to get himself the new iPhone pm. Recalling the sweet gesture from last year, I said i want the phone too and asked if he will buy for me. He then started to complain about being poor bla bla bla. At that time I was just joking about it but over the course of the day, it gets increasingly worst. While out and shopping on the same day, I’d still say let’s visit a few jewellery store to see rings and he, by this time, had started calling me names and implying, albeit jokingly, that I’m a gold digger. obviously I become increasingly quiet as I was rather upset over his comments. He seems oblivious to it and even went on to talk about how he’d spent buying expensive wallets (cost more than my ring) newest iPhone and other nice things for his mom. I have totally no issues with him buying things for his family and in fact found it nice. I jus think it’s tactless that on the same day he called me a gold digger for requesting for an anni gift / iPhone, he is telling me about the gifts he bought for someone else.

Eventually sensing that I’m very upset with the situation, he offered to bring me to a jewellery shop… but by then it was already closed. He had the cheek to laugh and say “oh… too bad it’s close already” and no more follow ups on that.

Note: he insisted not to… but I still paid him back half my share of our expenses from staycay and all our dates. And I didn’t just expected him to gift me, i did buy a gift for him too.

Few days later I really couldn’t take it anymore and asked him about it. He went on a rant about how he is not a gift person, he don’t know what to buy, he is poor and said nasty stuff like if u are just here for the gifts then u should just leave. We quarrelled FOR DAYS over it. Not Cold War, like literally quarrelling daily over it. I told him it was about sincerity and it didn’t matter even if he had gotten me a cheap one ($10 shopee kind) and he ended up asking me if it was just $10 why can’t I get it for myself. In the end… he asked me to send him the link of what I want and he will just pay for it. I gave up on the ring after that and I guess after so much, he agreed to get me an iphone.

I found out later that he went ahead and bought iPhone pm and the new watch for himself and asked him abt mine…

We quarrelled again and I concluded everything by telling him sincerely if it was such a dealbreaker to buy an iPhone for me, then fine, don have to get it. And this time, very begrudgingly, he relented and placed an order to buy the iPhone.

Few days later, I went over to his place by myself after a long day at work and after that as it was late, I requested that he drive me back. I don’t stay very far- just 10 mins drive away. That was when all hell broke loose. He said all sorts of nasty things like how I was the worst gf ever and I wasn’t understanding that he was tired and didn’t want to send me back and had too many requests and even brought up things like how he walked from his room to get me water from the fridge while I was there. We broke up after that and He then informed me that he cancelled the iPhone order which I was ok abt.

Another disclaimer, I would have paid him back or at least reciprocated with a gift in return like I did all other times and it’s impossible that he didn’t know that. Before this, in terms of spending, I’d put us at 51-49 with him spending just a tad bit more. I was not particular over the iPhone. Not that I was counting or anything, even when I couldn’t make it, I’d still order food delivery for him and his family on my own accord.

There were also many other issues in between but Just specific to this gifting point, I wanted to know if I was indeed asking for too much like he said.

A woman shared her story online after her boyfriend left her and her kids abruptly without saying anything.

She only managed to find out about her husband a few months later.

Here is the story:

I have been together with my husband for 7 years and married for 3 years. Both of us are in our mid-30s and he has been working from home daily.

Right after the borders opened, he started to travel a lot (like 3-4 times a month) claiming that his company had sent him overseas for work.

90% of the time the destination is Thailand.

So he started getting cold to me after he had gone to these trips, he doesn’t answer his phones and often takes forever to reply to me.

He always says that he is in a meeting or he is tired claiming that he went straight to bed after work.

This goes on and on for around 4 months.

Until 2 weeks ago, he went off for his business trip but this time he was entirely uncontactable. I only know that his plane ticket is bound for Chiang Mai and I have no other details.

For 7 days he was uncontactable and I almost gave up. I tried to ask his friends but they had no idea what happened to him, so I stalked his Facebook account and messaged one of his best friends and call him.

Initially, the best friend said he don’t know what happened but I could tell from his voice that he was lying.

He later revealed to me that my husband had met someone else in Chiang Mai and most probably will not come back.

I told him to come over to my home to talk about it. He initially said no, But I managed to force him to come over.

So when he came over, I told him to tell the truth about my husband. I told him to look my kids in the eye and think twice before answering any fake excuses or cover-ups.

He eventually showed me some photos my husband had sent him, it was a girl who looks like in her early 20s and he revealed that my husband met her during his 1st work trip.

I asked if he know where exactly my husband is staying at but he said that he has no idea. I was thinking to fly over and confront him but he has entirely gone MIA.

Now I am in a situation where I do not know what to do. My husband can work entirely online and since he is not coming back the divorce procedure is going to be a problem since it involves the HDB.

Obviously, I will need the HDB for my kids. We both paid 50/50 for it.

I contacted my lawyer and the lawyer said that this kind of case is not as rare as one might think, it happens to both males and females.

Before I take action I am thinking if there is a chance my husband will come back. I don’t want my kids to grow up without a father.

What should I do?

So i met this singaporean guy he is 30+ years old, I am much younger and still in my early 20s. Honestly we connected so well and found out he have so many likeness in each other personality, hobbies and in terms of career and financial too, He is a CEO and i’m a business owner. So we talked for 10 days and he decided to visit me in my country (Yes, i’m a foreigner).

Our first meeting went really well, we talked about a lot of things as well as the progress of this relationship and we both agreed to take it to the next level slowly. And he was already planning to rent a place in my city to visit every weekend possible, I was happy with this but did not expect too much because i understand because of our line of work time is a little tight and i really don’t want to force anything.

The second time i told him it should be my turn visiting since he did it the first time so i went to sg to meet him and my friends there too, And the second date went really well too. After the second time we meet, the communication was still very strong although we were both busy with each other things, Then it comes to the time where he need to have a business trip overseas, He did tell me about the trip and explained that he will be much more busier and that was really fine with me i told him to text me whenever he got time.

During the trip, the communication to no surprise started to become lesser and it was fine for me because i was busy too. After he got back from the trip i thought we could go back to the same stage as it was before the trip, However it didn’t. Our text become much more lesser, There were days he didn’t replied to my last text for 3 days and so on but was active in other platform, It was really confusing for me since all the time we meet we had deep talk about our past relationship, our expectation to this relationship, boundaries, etc and he keep reassuring me that he’s not with me to play around and this give me the impression that he was keen on working things out.

I decided to address this issue with him and he told me that because of the sudden work load and the distance. I agreed that distance is a big problem and what was his view on this whether he still want to try and work things out or he knows he will not be able to do it, i tell him to help me understand what he want so i can respect his decision and not waste both of our time. Once again he assured me he still want to work things out, So here goes me betting on my chances again. However, some time went on and the communication did not improve at all, I tried making plans to visit over but it did not work out and despite his lack of response he is still active on other platform.

This situation is killing me, I have no problem if he told me he wanted to stop everything, I’ll gladly walk away than to force on things and i make this really clear with him the first time we talked. But on the other hand his reassurance keeps me in this stage of wanting to work things out as he is everything i wish in a partner for, I do not want to ghost or get ghosted so i prefer talking things directly.

Should i keep holding on or should i let it go.

Recent grad. As a newbie to the workforce, I intend to quiet quit my job and tang ping.

I have worked for only 2 years and I am honestly growing tired of my company’s culture.

They claim that everyone is a leader and pushes people to take up challenges, initiating new projects and going above and beyond their duties. It encouraged a competitive culture and my work days are tightly packed with meetings and never ending work.

My days often end late on average at 9 pm even when working from home. To lessen the stress and free up time, I want to take it easy, do just enough to keep my job and leave on the dot unless there are urgent stuff. In my next appraisal, I think I’ll tell my boss that I don’t want to move up to any management role ever and just stay where I am.

On another note, I know some friends who are working in really chill jobs and the pay is about half of mine. I don’t know but if I have no choice, I may just quit and join them.

Am I unreasonable to think of all these?

Here are what netizens think:

• Well, it is your life. You can choose whatever life you want. Define your “needs” & ” wants”, have to know what is expenditure, what kind of life you want to live. Of cos, you can choose to ignore the future. Just one thing to take note. You can’t turn back the clock.

• If lying flat is what u want… then nobody can judge u? Try not to sabo other dept if it involves them with your work

• OMG, this is such a good environment and you do not cherish it??? Wait till you end up in a place where “went to lunch at 1pm” is in your boss’ daily report. Where you can go for 3 hour lunches or leave at 3pm every day and nobody checks on you. Very high pay some more. But boredom until you can almost go insane.

How to help someone that doesn’t even help themself?

I have recently graduated from my master’s degree and have a job offer lined up to start early next year. My gf who is 2 years younger has just started her 1 year master’s course. (We are not in SG)

Over the course of our 2 year relationship, I often had to “nag” at her in order for her to see her mistakes and correct it. Recent examples are like constantly reminding her to book a GP appointment to see a doctor and potentially get a referral for a specialist as she always complains of certain pains. I have been telling her to go seek medical help for over 1 year now for this issue and it takes ages to see a specialist through public healthcare. Another example is her not proactively applying for graduate schemes even though job application season has already started a month ago, and by the next month or 2, it will be too late.

I am very thankful to be blessed in a way that I have the support of my parents, elder cousins and older friends whom are successful in their own rights, to “nag” and advice me. However, my gf does not have that luxury and whilst she used to say she looks up to me and that she has her own ambitions, she would get very negative towards my reminders and “nagging”. I understand that no one likes “nagging” especially in the heat of the moment – I certainly didn’t like it when my parents or older family members/friends tell me what to do. But the fact is that she doesn’t have family members or friends that can guide her to a correct path, thus I felt compelled to do so. The reason being, it is genuinely for her benefit, both career and health wise, but also that these are factors that would affect our relationship and the future we plan to have.

The bigger problem recently is that she doesn’t just reject the goodwill or advice, but rather reacts in a hostile manner. If not, she will give fake promises or false hope in saying that she will do the correct thing, only to not deliver said promise. When I questioned her why that is the case, she simply replied: I’m lazy (I suspect she just spends too much time recently with her wealthy friends that do nothing productive and do not need to study well or apply for jobs.) I have confronted her by informing her that, not living up to your promise is a sign of disrespect to the person you made a promise to, and that her inactions to do the right things shows that she is unwilling to put in effort in the relationship. She then replies that this is simply the way she is as a person, and she can’t be bothered to do certain things even if she knows it is the right thing to do; adding that I am her bf, not her dad or older brother to “nag” her.

This has caused us to have big fights recently and I am genuinely lost as to what to do next. At the start, my “advice” was simply ignored by her and later on, my “continuous same advice – nagging” was faced with hostility. More recently, she just gives fake promises and false hope which I feel really insulted by and disrespected…

I still love her so much and want the best for her. But how can you help someone that doesn’t want to put in the effort to help herself first?