I (M31) recently got married last year to my wife (F29) and things have been overall pretty good. We have been together for 4 years and while we both have had struggles with our jobs, family/life stuff and drama, we have been overall happy. I was never head over heels dramatically in love, but I love her and want to grow old with her and share my life with her.

I started a new job a few months ago around the same time as another coworker, let’s call her Jane (F44). Jane is married with two children and I immediately liked her but didn’t feel anything romantic. Over the past few months, I have felt myself slowly growing more attracted to her. We had the whole work wife/husband thing going on but it’s never been anything other than friendly banter, light flirting, jokes, pet names (she calls me “boyfriend”), etc. But over the past couple weeks, I started to feel it stronger and grow into a crush and now it’s an obsession. I just find it hard to believe how quickly and how strongly my feelings grew. And it’s not like “lust” feelings like “wow she is hot”, it’s romantic “love” type feeling in my gut attraction that I thought was something you only felt when you were a teenager hopped up on hormones. I find myself, pathetically enough, obsessing over her, fantasizing about us just holding hands, thinking about her, and even dreaming about her! It’s overriding my senses and I just wasn’t ready. I almost liken it to a virus; my entire being feels infected by it.

It just doesn’t make sense, I was otherwise happily married (though my wife has been going through a rough spot and yes I have been supportive) and she is, to my knowledge, also happily married. She’s also significantly older and just in a different stage of life. I find her attractive but not in like a “supermodel” way. I find her personality VERY attractive though and it’s the primary reason I like her (very positive, humorous, powerful, driven, determined, but also sensitive and feminine). But I don’t even really know Jane beyond work interactions and here I am constantly thinking about her! She may have inkling I like her (woman’s intuition) but if so she hasn’t changed her behavior and is continuing with the light flirting, banter, etc. She likely has no clue what’s going on, not to this extent. It’s driving me crazy.

I also feel absolutely terrible. I loathe myself for this becoming what it is. I feel tremendously guilty about my wife who is devoted to me totally. I feel like I’m betraying my wife. I would NEVER cheat, EVER regardless of how I feel. She is an amazing person who actually has many of the above qualities that Jane does. I didn’t want to feel this, didn’t seek this out (beyond very innocuous banter, compliments on dress/appearance, I have been nothing short of professional), and I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to be falling for another woman. Especially for someone who is completely unavailable and is likely not interested (why would she? happy marriage and kids). I feel trapped and it basically feels like self induced torture. I want it to end but at the same time I still find myself looking forward to seeing her, helping her with work, any interaction, etc.

Worst of all, now I’m wondering did I grow jaded and think “love” like this wasn’t a thing? I just never felt this quite this strongly with my wife, although she is an objectively better match for me as a life partner and as I said I do love her. Did I settle because I didn’t believe in strong romantic love that makes you physically ill?

So I guess I’m looking for open ended advice and thoughts on how to resolve the situation. I strongly suspect this has much more to do with me than with either my wife or Jane. I’m definitely considering speaking to a therapist about all of this. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and felt emotions very deeply despite my sometimes attitude toward romance so I suppose I might be extra susceptible to things like this. Thank you for listening and honestly it helped to write it all.

I know HDB is trying to stop people from monopolizing and over-saturating the HDB market.

But I am turning 35 next year and I was already ready to buy an HDB last year. However, there is this “Singles scheme” where one is only able to buy an HDB until they are 35 years old.

How is this fair?

Some people preferred to get married and therefore able to purchase their BTO or property at an earlier age.

How about people who are unable to marry cause they can’t find a gf/bf.

I am an orphan, unlike many others who are able to stay in their parent’s home, I have to pay rent all the way.

Rather than having the chance of being able to save money to buy my own home, I am forking out money every month to pay for my rental.

The worse part, with the rising prices of the HDB getting a home, will be more and more unaffordable.

When I was 33 I was already able to afford a nice 4-room but the prices have since increased and I am barely able to afford it.

From paying rent to paying for HDB now I have to work until I die before I am able to pay it off.

I know people will say “Buy 2 room or 1 room BTO”.

The question is: Who is dumb enough to buy a smaller home which has next to no investment prospects? The 4-room flat is still the most soughted-after property among the sizes.

This is a chicken and egg problem. I am stuck

Why was I born.

I met H 16 years ago while visiting my friend at her school. We hit it off, partied all night and slept together. From that night on we had this deep friendship that I know I’ve never had before and I’ll never find again in this life. We’d see each other occasionally, and if we were both single, we’d hook up, but it wasn’t about that.

Our mutual friends eventually had a falling out, my girl friend had dated his best friend and it ended in an explosive mess the way only first loves can. But H and I stayed in touch.

You see, with H I didn’t have to translate myself, he spoke my language. I told him everything about myself. Every dark secret, every bad thought, every fear and he told me his. We’d sometimes go periods without talking, one of us would get a new job or new partner and get busy with life and you know how it goes. But, it didn’t matter. We’d get back in touch and it was like no time had passed. No explanation was ever needed for anything, I could call him and not say anything after a month of not speaking and he’d know if I was having a panic attack. I didn’t have to pretend. I was profoundly me with him in a way I never was before and since him.

I’m not sure it was a romantic love, or at least not in the way I’ve had with partners. It was different, deeper. And i don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain it.

Four years ago, I sent H a message. And he didn’t answer. I didn’t think much of it although it was unusual. I tried again a bit later, tried calling and nothing. I kept trying over the past four years, the frequency going down as the time with no response lengthened. I thought he had ghosted me. I should have known after 12 years of our friendship that wasn’t a possibility. I hate myself for thinking that all this time.

Tonight I decided to Google him. I don’t know why I hadn’t yet honestly. Right there, first search results, his obituary.

He had epilepsy and it killed him. And I didn’t know for four years.

Is This Normal?

I’m a 35 y.o male and I would like to know if there’s anyone similar to me, and how you guys fix the problem.

Since I was a child, I never have feelings for people. What I mean by that is I don’t feel the love for my parents, my siblings, my exes, pretty much everyone including those who really cared for me.

Before you guys bash me up, let me make some disclaimers beforehand. Although I’m not staying with my parents anymore, I still visit them once or twice a week, bring them out for dinner, and occasionally bring them to some events or festivals, and visit my relatives too. I also give them $2k every month as an allowance.

Whenever my siblings need help, I’ll do my best to help them out like taking leave to help them with their work or forking out money to ease their financial burden. Same goes to my friends too, I don’t feel excited to hangout with them, I don’t sense happiness when they celebrate their birthday or when they celebrate my birthday, but I’ll always try my best to make them happy, though I don’t feel anything.

I remember in primary school, our form teacher wanted us to make a card for our mom for Mother’s Day, give her a kiss and tell her “I love you mom”, or else we would be punished, but I don’t remember the details anymore.

I couldn’t do it, I just gave my mom the card and said happy mother’s day and that was it. When my teacher asked us on the next day, I honestly reported what exactly happened, and she seemed quite upset with me, and I said I was shy to kiss my mom and say I love you.

At first I thought it was because I was still young and didn’t understand what love and filial piety is, but even after I grew older, went through uni, had a few relationships, I still couldn’t feel love at all. I’ve had 3 past relationships, and I gave in my 100% to be a good boyfriend and tried all my best to reciprocate the love that these women gave me, but I failed. I simply just don’t feel it at all. There was once one of my them had a car accident and was hospitalized. As soon as I received the news, I was shocked, but neither did I feel worried nor the need to rush to the hospital to visit her. I broke up with them simply because I didn’t have feelings for them, and I know I shouldn’t have been in a relationship in the first place. I just thought that maybe they can change me, eventually turning me from a ruthless man to somebody who can actually love and feel loved.

Having completed my law degree, passed the bar exam, gotten a decent job at a law firm, I’ve experienced plenty of celebrations, be it for me or my colleagues or friends, I don’t feel special or happy at all. To me, a celebration is just for me to enjoy food with them.

Last year when my uncle passed away, my siblings cried at his funeral, but I just can’t break into tears, and more like I didn’t feel sad at all, even though he took care of us and was very close to us since young. I know I sound tremendously ruthless, severely lacking compassion, lacking empathy and sympathy, but I can’t help it. My friends around me do find me a good friend, a good working partner, someone that provides solid and reliable input in any situations, but they never know that to me, I’m just doing my job as a friend and I don’t feel anything for them.

Is this normal? How should i overcome this situation? Or live my life as it is?

Are elderly given free passes to be rude?

I always see elderly cutting queues in mrt or buses, blasting loud music in public or have bad attitudes towards service staff. If the same behaviors are done by younger people it would be considered rude.

Do you think that elderly should be excused from rude behaviors because they are old and frail etc?

Using age as an excuse

Of course not. But people generally close one eye because the elderly will play the “why you disrespect your elders” or “I old already you cannot do anything to me” card when confronted.

Opening wheelchair in front of escalator

I was actually just thinking something similar. Was feeling really tired at the end of a busy week… And really tired of 50s-60s uncles aunties cutting in front of you on public transport, escalators, travellaters for no good reason at all.

It’s bad enough they cut the queue, they would often cut you off, just to stand in front of you, blocking the way because they are engrossed in the K-Drama, C-Drama, TikTok, etc. Or their trolleys or handbags would be sticking out so much, you can’t pass them on the right on the escalator or travellators.

The worst one I saw were two elderly ladies going down the escalator with a wheelchair, who promptly tried to open and sit on the wheelchair at the foot of the escalator, giving zero fks for all the other people coming down the escalator behind them.

I mean…. Come on already. What’s the problem with showing some social awareness and grace?!

Speeding PMD

Definitely not. But a lot of them are so nasty people try not to confront them most of the time. Just two days ago, an uncle at my neighborhood was speeding with his PMD along the pedestrian side walk and honking everybody on his way. When people didn’t siam as soon as he liked, he scolded them, even cursed in hokkien. I was with my son and I was really scared that he would bump into us….

Stole guy’s seat at hawker centre

My friend and I went to a crowded hawker to eat in our uniform. He went to buy food while I sat down to secure the table. I was using my phone and when I looked up, I saw an old man eating in front of me. I tried to explain that my friend is sitting there but he started shouting about me snatching his seat and make me look bad wtf. Everyone around started looking over. Screw that old man. Hope he died after eating.

Blasting music in the bus

When they blast their vids and music in the bus, i introduce to them my favourite genre of music: death metal.

When they try to squeeze their way in as people are coming out, i have no choice but to be an obstacle if they choose to barge in.

When they cut my line, i make sure the entire line knows of it.

People should take responsibility for their decisions regardless of their “success” in life.

My younger sister is in medical school. She chose to study medicine. Nobody forced her. Period. But it feels like the whole family is paying for her decision.

She is too busy to do housework.

Let’s follow her schedule.

She practically only has time for her studies. All she had to do was use study as an excuse. Hello miss! I have seen you watch YouTube videos when you could have been helping mum in the kitchen. Watching YouTube videos means you free right? Don’t tell me you want a break. First you got to pick your dream and now you get to pcik your break?! Life so good one huh. What about my time. I spend my free time on your portion of responsibilities because you were too “busy” . Can I pick my free time too?!

Look. I understand medicine is hard. That’s why it’s meant for really smart people right? Because these people can do more than just studying.

I’m happy for her but it’s very irresponsible of her that we all have to pay for her deicison.

If she wants to study medicine, shouldn’t she MAKE SURE she can and WILLING TO juggle her studies on top of other commitments? Life where got so easy one? Huh so good life ah. All you had to do is focus on your dreams. It seems to me she just wants what she wants. Anything else she just push to others.

Let me tell you. Fighting for your dreams, no matter how hard it is, is bliss. I think my younger sister had it preety good. Sure medicine is hard but that’s her goal. At least she didn’t have to pay for someone else’s deicison.

Sigh. If I don’t help, my mum will do everything herself. This got me thinking. Parents are hypocrites. They always love the most “successful” child the most. The one who helps them the most get overlooked because they take kids like these for granted. It is my job to help?! So it is not my sister’s job too? Note that I used the word successful and not smart. My younger sister is definitely not the smartest. My elder sister is much smarter but she is not a doctor.

With tuition and all, I don’t think doctors nowadays are the smartest people around. There are a few underdogs but most of them are just lucky enough to have financially stable families. My younger sister is an example. She is bad at math, physics and humanities. She is only good at bio. My elder sister learns music and she is way smarter. Music difficulty is super underrated. Its a really hard subject.

Parents should seriously wake up their idea. If my kid is studying medicine, I would make sure he at least wash the dishes on weekends. He jolly well remembers who made his dreams possible. You became a doctor not because you smart but because your family let it happen. There are so many smart people with family commitments that couldn’t persue their dreams.

What to do if employer is ignoring my texts?

I’m trying to terminate my contract with a company because of family issues. I took the job despite knowing that my parents wouldn’t allow it. They were worried about my health because the job had night shifts and long hours, but now they found out and are angry with me because I didn’t listen to them.

I texted to both the employer and trainer about it, but none are responding (clearly ignoring me as one of them was talking in another group chat I was in, but didn’t read my PM). Or maybe because it’s a weekend so they’re not working…

What do I do? Do I just come to work as usual?

Edit: I did go to HR first. But they told me to “tell the trainer”

The contract is 1 year and I barely started. I can’t continue it now coz of my family, and I feel bad about it, terminating so early, that’s why I’m texting them

“Subject to the terms and conditions of the Bond, you may, with our consent, terminate this contract by giving to us 1 month’s notice in writing or 1 month’s salary (“gross rate of pay”) in lieu thereof.”

Do I still have to pay the penalty fee of “1 months salary” even though I haven’t been paid yet?

My first day was yesterday. I know it looks very bad, terminating on the first day…. But it feels weird to pay without having done anything

My friend and I went overseas for a short holiday and I told my gf this and she was ok.

We went for a couple of days. The phone service was non-existent as we practically drove all the way to Thailand and I let my GF know beforehand.

I don’t want to buy multiple sim cards going Malaysia and Thai etc as I think it’s a waste of money and only my friend had the data sim, we kind of shared

I always leave a credit card at home just in case. This is for me if I ever lose my wallet I have a card. She knows this but I have the trust she does not use it (I told her to never uses it).

We do not share finances. Apparently, over the weekend her brother had a serious asthma attack and had to be hospitalised. Her family did not have the money to pay for the hospital so they rang up my GF who used my credit card.

When I was driving back I saw that I had a bill for 2k. I was damn exhausted on the way back so let it slide. When I reached home my GF explained the situation. I understood and was totally alright she did it.

My issue was why did she not use her money. It’s not my brother. My GF works as a waitress and has massive student loans but I know she has some savings. She told me she thought it was ok because I was not in debt. She did not want to pay me back. I told her that was not okay.

She has been pissed since then. I told her I was changing all my personal information and that she will no longer have access to any of my money. She has been pissed since it was an emergency situation. I also told her I expect to be paid back or I would file a police complaint (empty threat).

She and I have both been at odd with each other since. Should I mend the fences or let her do it?

Here are what netizens think:

• I can understand the emergency. She had no options and had to act fast but someone still needs to pay off the debt. It’s not ops responsibility. It’s her and her family. I would be mad too if she told me she had no intention of paying it off.

• Sounds like your girlfriend is a spoiled brat, get rid of her.

• Run away asap, sounds like her family did not teach her logic. Run now.

A man shared a story on Instagram stating that his girlfriend forced him to take a loan from his mother so he can buy her the latest iPhone.

Here is the story:

I am 22 this year, I just started my new job not long and with all the new responsibilities of a working adult. I start to have to worry about bills, insurance and etc.

I have a girlfriend who is 21 years old and she has been bugging me to buy her the latest iPhone. I barely make ends meet, she still wants me to buy her a phone for our anniversary, I asked her if she is going to buy something of equivalent value to me. She said “NO”. Wth….

She never goes to the army, already work for 2 years, and faster than me still wants to take money from me to buy iPhone. This is ridiculous, she is already using iPhone 13 which is already considered a new phone. She wants to change for the sake of having a new one and not because her phone is not working.

I told her I do not have enough money as I just started my new job, she told me to get a loan from my mother to buy her a phone. This is it, it’s the end of the line. I’m glad that during army days she is still around but even if she got outside eat extra “supper” I also won’t know cause I used to stay in one.

She then told me that its nothing wrong mah to take a loan from my mother as I am her son. If this doesn’t piss you off you wait. She said I take a loan from my mother is my right because I was in the army for two years and had no money.

What kind of **** is this?! My right?! I told her it’s also my right to tell her to F off from my life as taking a loan from my mother to buy a luxury non-necessity item just to satisfy her.

She said “it’s ok, I get someone who don’t need to take a loan to buy iPhone for me thanks bye”.

This was her last instamessage

I am curious why many students buy such expensive laptops.

My son came to me earlier today asking for a Surface Go or Surface Pro laptop. He said the reason he needs it is to look cool in front of other students. He is studying a course that does not requires a powerful or expensive laptop.

Well obviously I said no and he is begging me for it.

Personally, when I was studying my parents support me and pay for food and school college, but I still try to minimize their costs.

I bought a used business laptop for $200 when I went into uni and it’s worked perfectly the whole time I’ve been here, with the exception of having to replace the battery once for $40.

I understand that some majors are required to have higher-end laptops, and that completely makes sense. But

I’ve seen students in my economics and political science classes have expensive laptops that aren’t necessary. Even my colleauges have MacBooks that they bought new and they support themselves entirely and have majors that don’t require expensive laptops.

I don’t understand the reasoning. Is just a want, or is there more of a purpose of having such a pricey device?

Does it help you do better in school?

Here are what netizens think:

• Same reason people have $1k phones when a $200 phone would work 90% as well for most tasks.

• It’s more like: “Why do people who earn very little buy expensive things that doesn’t provide much more utility?”

• Don’t spoil him, tell him go work part time and earn himself if he wants stuff.