Long but valid rant below.

I am a Malaysian PR who has been working in Singapore for over 4 years now. Like every other Malaysian who is working in Singapore, I came here with only one thing in mind, hoping for a better future and able to provide a better life for my family back home. Now I am not so sure anymore.

Prices are increasing now. And I will soon to be a third year PR which means 20% deduction of CPF. At the time my disposable income will be even lower. Every month a whole chunk of my income is for the rents and I don’t know how long until my landlord would inform me of the rental increment. I heard the rental for some of my friends have increased as much as SGD900 per unit. That’s insane. My landlord has asked for a copy of my lease few weeks ago, I was so scared I told him I have lost it. I am currently making a salary of SGD3,400 but after deduction of CPF I am getting SGD2,800-ish. After paying the rental for my small room, all I have left is SGD2000. The transport, the food and the PUB have all gone up in prices. Other than that, I have to pay allowance to my family, insurance, phone bills and some monthly commitments back home. At the end of the month, I barely have two coins rub together. When I moved here from Malaysia, I told myself I was going to enjoy my life here, I don’t want to fill my life with works and only money. But now I have to choose money over life because having a life means spending money here in Singapore.

The government has assured the people that assistance will be provided but only for Singaporeans. What about us? We have left our homeland, our beloved family (some of us even left their kids back home) to come here for a better life and to contribute to the economy here. But what do we get in return? Don’t get me wrong. I will always be appreciative the privilege the government has given us the Malaysian as compared to other nationalities. But to be honest, most work pass holders and PRs are the most vulnerable under this climate. Sometimes I am really frustrated by all the chaos going on around the world that’s started by the top 1% most elitist group. They are enjoying all the resources that one commoner like us could only dream for. Yet they are still trying everything to make life more difficult for us who come from the bottom of the pyramid.

I know posting this here might subject me to some of the harsh critics from some readers. For example, what about the construction workers from Bangladesh and Pakistan or the domestic helpers from Indonesia and the Philippines. But this doesn’t mean my complain is not valid. As a work pass holder, we always face oppression from the employer. Because they knew we were expendable. They knew they could always get someone across the border to replace us, easily. Even though it the shut down of the border for the past two years has made employers’ life (only those who abuse this system) miserable. But the COVID is also another burden added on over shoulder. I remember me staying in my room alone during COVID breakdown, crying while everyone was shouting out from their unit for frontline workers. I felt so lonely and I miss my family. I am sure every other Malaysian who is working in Singapore shared the same emotion.

I am already getting words from some of my friends that they plan to move back Malaysia for good. I am not sure, I like Singapore so much but if the situation getting worse maybe I will look for another plan. I can’t imagine the life after GST hikes to 8% and 9%. It’s just so much uncertainties now.

I (20s) am still fairly new to my job in reception with only a few months in at my job.

I have always felt a little intimidated by my senior receptionists because they, to me, essentially act like high school mean girls. They gossip and S-talk with one another when there aren’t clients around.

From day one it felt like a very unwelcoming environment, but hey, I kept my mouth shut because I needed the money and I didn’t want to stir up trouble as the “new kid”.

I’m lucky enough to get a decent job as a fresh graduate, however my parents demanded for 10% of my annual salary as their allowance.

I feel that 10% is a bit too much since I’m only planning to spend 7.5% of my annual salary and I’m saving and investing the rest as part of my effort to get my own place in a few years while also starting my journey towards financial independence as well.

I’m not buying luxury goods, keeping up with the Joneses or anything of the like since I don’t really believe in materialistic possessions and I just want to start investing in property as soon as possible before interest rates on loans start to hike even further in a few years.

I definitely do acknowledge that my parents have played a big role in providing a stable home for me to succeed and I’ll likely still be staying with them for another few years before I get my own place so I was thinking that 5% would be a fair number, in addition to picking up small stuff like utilities, mobile plans, and the like.

Additionally, my parents do decently for themselves and have sufficient money for retirement. They don’t have any debt and it’s more of a token of appreciation for raising me up for all these years.

How did you navigate this situation of giving allowance for your own parents? Am I wrong for not wanting to contribute 10% back to them?

With some savings and 1.5 years left of uni, I’m thinking of moving out due to family issues.

I can’t live in peace, can’t study at home, and always have to stay-out and come back late. I have been looking for rooms to rent but when I have to make a rent deposit it scares me and makes me hesitate.

For my budget, I’m able to afford to share a room only.

Are there other places to rent in sg other than student hostels which aren’t that cheap?

Here are what netizens think:

• If you are okay with sharing room, i think there are quite a lot of options on carousell and facebook groups. Rent ranging from $300-500? Alternatively if you are from low income family, you can try speaking to FAS and see if they can get u bursary for staying on campus. Good luck and jia you!

• If u are a guy, don’t even need money. Campus have lockers and showers. Many empty lecture halls for u to rest at night. Really is quite safe for a guy. Many charging outlets available to charge your hp and laptop.Laundry just use laundromats. Use your time to either study or work to save up.

• Use your money wisely. Back in my days, i know of a guy who saved up high 5-figure just by living prudently throughout NS & Uni. Didn’t socialize much but he worked hard to give himself a head start despite his modest background. When without your own place, go mininalist don’t cling on to too many stuffs. As a young man can take the hardship one. Just be positive and embrace the grind.

Once u graduate, get a good paying job, save up 2-3 years, then can buy a small studio condo to have your own place. Studio is $600k. 25% downpayment is $150k. If u start working on it and start saving right now, things will become better for u before even realised it. Our decisions today will shape how we live 5yrs from now. Stay strong and I wish u all the best.

• if u are a girl, then slightly more difficult since need to think of safety issue spending nights alone in campus. But as a girl don’t be shy of using your natural advantage. Many guys out there willing to spend on u and be your knight in shining armour. Not asking u to sell yourself to guys, just need to string them along. Sometimes in life just have to do whatever it takes to survive. Moral conscience can come in when u are in a better situation.

What is the purpose of having children?

Isn’t the main purpose of having children is because you like and love kids?

Why are there people having the old mindset of thinking where they treat kids as an “investment” and to gain from them when they grow up?

For example, some people want kids so that:

– there will be someone to settle their funeral

– there will be someone to give them money so that they can retire early

– there will be someone to help with their liabilities like paying bills and etc

– there will be someone to rely on when they grow old

– and etc

Aren’t those kind of thinking and purpose very wrong??

Here are what netizens think:

• What is the purpose of having pets? My guess is it’s along the same line of reasoning but you can talk to them and they can talk back. And they last a lot longer unless you have a tortoise.

• To inculcate and inspire our “miniMe” the right beliefs and values as humans. To set good examples imparting wisdom, especially NOT how monetary gains and selfishness equate to personal SUCCESS

• Nowadays we cannot depend on our children anymore bcos of the ever rising costs of living and even for the dead. Since you talked about funeral and I’m in the bereavement industry. Let me share this trend with you all. More elderly and even younger ones from 30s, my youngest client was 20s already preplanned for afterlife property. Cos they know the inflation rate is ridiculous and our children will not afford to even do a funeral 20-50yrs down the road or even a final resting place. Insurance is really to cover family expenses and not funeral costs which are in full cash payments. Thus it’s important to plan for ourselves and not burden our children with debts upon our old age with medical fees or funeral costs. They didn’t ask to be borned to suffer this way. Losing a loved one is tough enough having to grieve and financial losses adds on to the stress and grievances. I hope more people can plan well, live well and leave well. 

Any Malaysians out there may I get some dating advice?

I am a Malaysian studying at NUS and my boyfriend is also a Malaysian but he grew up in Singapore. He went to RI and he’s now in medicine.

I have not been able to get him to go back to Malaysia with me to visit my parents even once.

I am from JB. He’s also from JB. He explicitly told me before we got together that unless absolutely necessary, he would prefer not to ever have to go back to Malaysia again. I thought he wasn’t serious about this but the more I know him the more evident it became. His parents still live in JB but he and his two siblings share a condo in Singapore. His two elder siblings have become Singapore citizens and they share his resentment of Malaysia.

The only reason why my boyfriend has held onto his Malaysia passport is because his parents threatened to cut him off if he were to serve NS.

He plans to convert as soon as he is financially independent.

I tried to get to the root of his hatred on multiple occasions but he was always very tight-lipped. So I spoke to his eldest sister, who is now a big 4 auditor.

She said Malaysia is dirty, unsafe, racist, and when they were kids, they always had to look over their shoulders for fear of being robbed. Their home was broken into 3 times, all of which ended with their parents being hit. They were also English-educated and non-religious, which made it very hard for them to fit in.

They were bullied a lot growing up for not being able to speak Mandarin. Their parents are bananas who can’t speak much Mandarin.

My experience growing up in JB was quite different. I have a big family and many friends who are all still in Malaysia. I’m very sure that his family’s experience could be down to bad luck and it is not the experience of most people from JB. I am very compatible with him. We agree on almost everything and we enjoy each other’s company. The only thing is whenever I mention Malaysia he will always find something really bad to say about it. Whenever I complain about something here he will always use it as an opportunity to say how shitty Malaysia is in comparison.

During CNY his parents would come over to Singapore for their reunion dinner but the three of them wouldn’t go back to JB with them even though they have more than 10 uncles and aunties that their parents always visit. Every year, I would beg for him to go back with me at least on the first day on CNY but he has never gone back once.

I see myself marrying him. He is perfect for me in almost every aspect. He is hardworking, smart, very honest, and very loyal. I don’t how to change his mind because having him back in JB with me on big occasions is important to me. Friends and family getting married, CNY, Mid-Autumn gatherings etc.

I am at my wit’s end with this and it would be the perfect scenario for me if I can get some ideas on how to make him more accepting.

I met my bf during Uni camp in Y1, where we became very good friends.

Although he’s a nice guy, I am never considered him because I like sporty guys and he’s the nerd type. Same goes for him because I am the “cute” type while he likes girls who are the “model” type.

He has always been showing me pictures of the “model” type of girls that he likes.

Last week, we just got together because we realised we have feelings for each other. He told me that his group of friends, upon knowing that he has gotten a gf, asked him how did I look and said that they want to compare me to the crushes he had in the past.

This made me sad because honestly I don’t feel too bad about myself but words from his friends are making me feel that I’m not good enough. ???? People will say things like “HUH Y U DATE HER” ..

I know i shouldn’t take what others say to heart but it’s difficult. Anyone had similar issues before and how did you handle it ?

Netizens’ comments

• What his friends gossiped about you is one thing, but why did he tell you? So odd, knowing it perfectly well that it will make you feel less of yourself and you having ill feelings towards his friends. Your bf’s pretty dense/白目, else, he just wanna let you know you are less than his usual “crushes”. Oh yes, crush only, also not gf, obviously he also can’t get those “model” girls bah. He seems self-centered, do be careful treading around in this relationship…

Well, i never had a good relationship with my MIL. It was always amicable, though i don’t really like her since she kicked us out of her home right after we got married (stayed there only for a few days) because she wanted privacy in her 5room hdb flat and wants to live alone. She previously agreed to let us stay there fyi.

Anyway we moved out because we didn’t want to strain the relationship further too. Though my relationship with my husband suffered because we had issues finding a place to stay, and we didn’t have enough to rent. Our marriage suffered the first year. I feel resentful at my MIL because of this, though i know it is technically not her fault – she simply threw a difficult scenario for us to handle as a couple.

In between these few years, nothing happened between me and MIL since I was always invisible to my MIL too. She will never start conversations with me when i visit weekly. I will always have to talk to her first and initiate convos. She never reciprocates too. I feel hurt sometimes but i chalked it up to her being a socially awkward person and loved her privacy.

Fast forward, years later, i got pregnant and suddenly she notices me. She tried to put in more effort to talk to me, though it’s minimal. I felt hurt too because suddenly i am valuable and worthy to be talked to since i am carrying your first grandchild?

Recently i have given birth to my child and upon visiting me at the hospital, she didnt get anything for me or my child. Post discharge she visited us again at our home and she did not want to carry my baby because she said her hands are weak??? She also did not give us anything. I am trying to manage my expectations here but is it too much to ask for a small gift or ang bao, as it is her very first grandchild? My parents have given so much to my baby and did above & beyond to help me with my confinement. Her finances are way better than my parents too, so it is not an issue of no $. Im not even asking for a lot, but not even a $20 ang bao or sth? Yes my expectations are low.

During the short visit to our home my MIL also made comments telling us not to carry our baby so as not to spoil him. Our baby was 2 weeks old Ffs. Also, she only visited us for 30mins and immediately judged us for carrying our own child. Made harsh comments like “just throw her aside there why carry? Cry also dont need pick her up one.”

At the end of the day, i am so angry, sad and resentful. I do not need to be loved by her, but I did hope that my baby would get some love from her.