I came home and found my husband crying about his daughter that I didn’t know about.

This took place last week. I’m a 35 year old female, met my 42 year old husband 7 years ago and got married 4 years ago. He only dated his high school sweet heart for 14 years then she passed away.

After that, he never dated til I came around. Or at least that’s what he told me. During the third year of our marriage, I noticed significant change in his behavior.

His alcohol addiction raised to the surface after he got kicked out of his job and cut contact with most family members.

He was doing fine, was sociable, had a good relationship with his family and was rational most of the time but then it’s like he did a 180 turn.

I helped him get help for his addiction and he thankfully started getting his life together. He even found a better job that pays well.

Last week, I got home from work and the minute I walked in I heard him crying, like full on sobbing. I freaked out, looked for him and found him upstairs on the floor sitting and sobing.

I remember myself freaking out yelling “who died” and “what happened” and if he was okay. It took me well over 20 minutes to get him to calm down.

He then said he wanted to tell me something. I got worried just by looking in his eyes but what he said was not something I’d expect in a million years.

He reminded me of the third year of our marriage when he started drinking and fighting with everybody. I said what about it and he told me that he had a one night stand around the time of his brother’s wedding and got the woman pregnant.

I was stunned, completely stunned. He said that every single one of the family knew and they pressured him to “do the right thing” and be a dad for this child but he refused.

As a result his family fought with him but the woman still kept the baby which was a girl but she died at the age of 5 months due to health problems.

My husband’s family raged at him and that’s when he started drinking and that’s when he spiralled and job loss came. He said he felt guilty for his daughter’s passing and said that he felt like he had rejected and abandoned her and eventually lost her.

He admitted visiting her few times and holding her. He even said he thought a lot about being involved in her life was afraid I’d walk away if I found out about her.

I couldn’t say a word to respond I just took a chair and sat down because it felt like a hot-cold wave hitting me all of a sudden. He started crying saying that he was sorry and that he made a mistake but his daughter meant something to him and he just couldn’t hide it anymore.

He said that I can decide to leave if I want but he was done hiding how he feels about losing his flesh and blood. I still didn’t know what to say. I kept thinking about how my life just got ruined, I mean,..we were just discussing the possibilty to start trying for a baby.

This was not something I’d see coming in a million years. He wants us to move past his infidelity because he got his punishment by losing his daughter.

I packed a bag and went to stay with my mom. It’s been days since we’ve talked and even now I’m still in disblief and don’t know what to do. I still haven’t told my family yet.

Hi all…I have been harassed in my workplace for the last 10 months, ever since i joined. I am confused because my colleagues are all hostile towards me, often laughing at me and saying the kind of food I eat is like poison to them, things like that. It hurts a lot. But it is also very passive aggressive hence I am not able to report it. My direct manager has been nice to me up until 2 months ago, when he turned tables. I tried asking for feedback, apparently I am not doing anything wrong, only that I need so “build more rapport” which is not specific either, which makes me feel like they do not actually want to help me. Is it me? But why? I was determined to improve since the very day I joined, so why me?

My senior manager is worse to me, humiliated me in front of everyone by waving his arms as though I was not listening, even though I was and managed to answer his question correctly not once but twice. They keep telling me to go back home, considering that I am living on my own as my parents are in another country. Why? They accused me of being ashamed of my parents place and as if that is the reason why I did not tell them where my parents were. That is far from the truth, I did not say it because I did not think it mattered to the job and to avoid judgement and it turns out that I was right! A lot of other things happened, I can list them all out in an effort to get it off my chest 🙁 they did not pass my tasks, QA always finds a reason to reject them even though I have done them correctly. They sent out someone to “chase me” for my tasks, which also hurt a lot and added more pressure, which did the opposite of help.

They kept asking me to post my updates, however they would never accept it, for example, if I comment it, ask me to message it, if I message it, ask me to email it, nothing or everything is never good enough. This was when I asked my manager why. He said I need to work on building rapport. So I was moved to another team and before I even said anything, the leader of the other team was also hostile towards me, word must have gotten around. I have no idea where this hatred for me comes from or why.

Anyway, it gets worse and real serious here… Apparently I found out that everyone can see me through my camera, even though my camera filter was closed. And they were all watching me the whole time. I found out when my direct manager turned on his camera once and copied how I moved, 1 second after I did it many times, and when I drank water he also copied it. So the messed up part of this is, they could see me change, and intimate things I did, while I did not know they could see as I blocked the camera. They are blackmailing passive aggressively to sell it. And also, they saw me yell at my dog and not allow him out (due to estate regulations) when he wanted to go and I was playfully hitting him (he likes it) but it can look really bad, considering I also did it while scolding him for not eating even though I know that it does not hurt him, and are threatening to release that as well…I admit i was at fault as I was dealing with lots of stress and when he would not eat otherwise we are and have always been loving caring and good for many many years 🙁 They make fun of everything I do, like bring my dog out on a walk on a harness.

I do not think that it is possible for me to report this because I do not want to go to prison which I can and do not want my private photos leaked. They also went through my phone. I had installed “work profile” on my phone. I am not sure what to do. My last day was supposed to be on 18 oct, but I don’t know why they are still torturing me. They say that I am not speaking loudly and ask me to speak louder, and when I do, critisize me, but when someone else speaks even more softly, they can hear her. Even though I say the exact same thing as others, they critisize me. They speak over me, do not listen to my ideas, steal my ideas, talk down to me. I have no idea what to do anymore, I don’t think I will get a reference if I stay anyway. At the same time, I fear that giving in too early will give the wrong message and cause them to continue messing with me once I leave.

My direct manager also started sabotaging my projects, by undoing the changes I did and saying it does not work, gaslighting me, not giving proper instructions, etc. He hinted that HR was also on his side. They never directly told me to leave, but are intimidating me into leaving, which is so passive aggressive, and blaming me for not taking the hint and leaving, which is when my manager ended my contract before it even expired and I was logged out of my system for a few days while they worked to fix that issue. They told me it was a mistake. How am I supposed to read between the lines?

Everything I tell my manager I like or I want, he takes that away from me. Everything that I do not like, he gives to me. Was this the sign to talk to him, or to leave the job? Because when I talked to him, he only had positive feedback. Ironically, when I tried to resign, my direct reporting manager “convinced” me to stay by saying I am valuable to him and good and should stay, and so I retracted my resignation. He then later got the leader to tell everyone that it was my fault for not “reading the signs” and leaving- like hello- he told me how valuable I was and that I should not leave and that I am doing a proper job.

I never got an honest performance appraisal or any feedback related to my work, only personal attacks. I am wondering, was it me? What can I do to ensure this does not happen again at my next job?

I also feel extremely intruded as they could see all my google searches and photos which are very embarrassing. Despite all that, i still do not think that they know me one single bit either because I was always googling and posting random stupid unrelatable stuff. Dang thing stings, I only hope it does not come to bite me in the future as the entire company seems to have it out for me and gang up on me in company-wide meetings.

Can my employer make me serve 6 months after resignation?

My initial contract that I signed asked me to serve 3 months (which I think may be too much already?) Then my employer came to me in my probation period, scratched out the 3 months and wrote 6 months.

She said the company wants me to serve 6 months if I resign and the company has to give me 6 months in the case of termination.

She signed by where she wrote and then I signed because I was naive and stupid but now I’m questioning if that is even legal? I know it’s downright unethical but I want to know the legal standpoint.

There were some other sketchy things in my contract too. Such as if I resign, I cannot work for a company that “can be seen as a competitor” for a whole year.

I’m a dance teacher so they’re basically asking me not to have a job for a year.

Netizens’ comments

1. Non compete clauses are typically unenforceable, you can’t stop someone from making a living which effectively they’re doing.
   For extending your notice period from 3 months to 6, you both signed and notarized it so you’ve agreed to it. The law won’t accept ignorance or naivety or ethics as an excuse.
2. Contrary to what others have said. Restraint of trade clauses are enforceable in Singapore. However, it needs to reasonable in time, location and scope.
   What’s reasonable? Depends on your job, seniority.
   Also, even if it is reasonable, is it beneficial for the company to go after you if you break?
   If you think the answer is no to any of the question above, you can pretty much ignore it
   Counter signing on the document is actually quite common for both party to acknowledge the change was agreed. This can be as mundane as you giving a handwritten contract and had to cancel an error.
   However, it would have been within your right to not sign.
   Also, even if you sign, it might not be valid. Because there needs to be fresh consideration on your part for the change. If there’s no fresh consideration, the variation pretty much dies. T

How do i tell my mom that her cooking sucks without telling offending her?

So recently i feel that my mom’s cooking standards has dropped and since im in ns, i only get to eat her meal during the weekends.

Idk if its the canteen/cookhouse food that changes my taste buts but the home food just feels different.

Whats worst is that its the same variety of food every week for a past few months… is there a way to tell her that the food needs to change?

Netizens’ comments

• Rate one star during the survey
• This happens to me too so I’ll sometimes go about it by saying, “Thanks for cooking mum it was good but I think previously you cooked it was better. I think maybe it lacked xxx,” and if I’m sick of the dishes she’s cooking, ill just tell her we’ve been eating xxx dish a lot lately. Can she cook yyy dish next week?
  Instead of directly telling her that her food sucks, why not give suggestions on how she can make it better? It sounds more helpful instead of just putting her down after she’s tirelessly cooked for the family.
  There are times where I straight up tell my mum that the food isn’t good but I can see how upset she gets even if she pretends it doesn’t bother her. It saddens me everytime. So I try to be gentler in my approach now. Also, like another commenter said, eating mum’s food is really a blessing and you only have limited time to eat it.
• Maybe you could try cooking with her during the weekends? Then when you’re eating you can feedback on how “the both of you” can improve

I’m a final-year student in university who has recently been in 2 separate internships since May, and will be starting an extremely intense finance internship in about a month’s time.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how life will be like once this internship begins (and after I graduate), and a part of me has been struggling to accept the reality that I will not be able to have as much time as I used to for my passions.

For me, I enjoy playing football and chess not just leisurely but competitively, because its just how I’m like; I enjoy the thrill of competing.

But I know that once I start working I won’t be able to dedicate hours to playing or training for these things anymore, and my personal goals kind of fall by the wayside.

Its not the same as just doing these things on a weekend, because I really want to prioritise my time as well with my girlfriend (I love her more than anything) and loved ones.

I’m also the kind of person that feels like it wouldn’t be worth doing something if I’m not dedicating 100% of my effort in it, but its sad because I really love doing these things at the same time.

Maybe I’m just being melodramatic, but how did you guys manage your expectations coming into adulthood? Sharing your stories would be amazing as well!