To me the ideal work balance is that I can turn off work. when I log off of work, I’m off of work.

I don’t need to monitor anything and I don’t have to address things over the weekend or whatever.

It’s perfectly fine if I do not have work things on my phone. I work in support so there is some minimal amount of pressure to check things after hours, but as of now my team doesn’t have those expectations. sometimes we come back to messages on Monday morning and think, if one of us had worked over the weekend we could have resolved this already. if they ever instill this expectation, I’ll leave.

sometimes I might need to stay late to finish something, that’s fine as long as when I log off I can log off. I’m salary so this is to be expected.

flexibility, permanent remote… those would all be very nice, but only if I can log off my computer and my brain when I’m done. not interested in full time remote work if it comes with an expectation to “work whenever needed.”

But end-of-the-day work-life balance is just an illusion. People just get used to it and say it’s “balance”.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s very easy for me to get caught up in other people’s expectations. I can’t not care, so even if I could technically ignore expectations to work after hours without getting fired, I would think about it and fret constantly.

• I need to be able to log off work when I leave, and I need to be confident that when I take time off, it will be respected.

• I enjoy my career, am paid well, only work OT if completely necessary and I’m compensated for it. I travel, I’m not micro managed. I have great friends at work I take lunch most days, have a free gym at work and a very flexible schedule for appts etc outside of work. Work is done at the end of the day and I never bring it home.

How to work out a relationship with an extremely busy bf?

My bf and I have been together for 2.5 years, and we are both working adults.

When we first met, my bf was decided to quit his office job and join the uniformed service to contribute to the nation’s security. During the training period, while it was busy and tiring we still managed to meet 1-2 times a week and spend some undisturbed quality time together.

After his training had completed, i realised he became very much busier. I would see him work from 8am to 11pm regularly and occasionally clocking overnight shifts. Very often, he would also return to work on weekends to settle additional work and it could take up the entire day, leaving him only 1 rest day out of the whole week.

Our communications were significantly lesser now due to his busy schedule, and whenever we meet, he will also be busy on his phone, settling work issues or zoning out from tiredness.

I have been keeping myself busy with work and taking up extra activities such as swimming, jogging and yoga so i will not be too dependent on him and feel lonely when we are not together. However, recently i have been feeling quite a bit of disconnect in our relationship. We have not been updating one another about our lives despite having a daily 3-5 min catchup calls and i no longer feel as eager sharing interesting posts and videos that i came across online with him as he never had the time to look at them. Our whatsapp chat also became somewhat like a reporting platform where i will inform him my whereabouts. Occasionally i will message him happenings at my work and get a ‘yes/no/sorry i busy now’ reply. While i feel upset about our current situation, i cant bring it up as it is unfair to him too.

We discussed about applying for BTO within the next 0.5-1 year and settling down with a kid in the near future. But seeing as his schedule is so packed, im feeling somewhat uncertain about our future now, worried that I will be neglected and alone in the relationship.

To those married with a busy spouse, how do you deal with such feelings and prevent a disconnect in your relationship?

A little backstory on him: he’s from South Asia who’s been in Singapore for about 15 years and has never had a permanent position until this one.

-He completely freaked out on another female that worked there, claiming that she moved his equipment, but it was found out later that she had not moved it. He proceeded to tell her she was stupid, he didn’t know why she had been hired, that she didn’t know anything, that she needed to shut up and listen to him, and a bunch of other condescending things. She filed a complaint against him. This was my third week on the job.

-Asked me to stay late almost every day. Would get mad when I had something to do and actually left on time. Later would try to not pay me for the overtime he made me work.

-Only got along with 1 other person in a 50 person unit.

-Constantly would get locked out of his computer, lose his pass, “break” his computer. Told IT lady that someone was breaking in and sabotaging him.

-Everything is my fault. It started to rain he said the mood is dull and boring and said its my fault

-Gets mad at me for relaying a message to him, tells me that whoever gave me a Master’s degree should not have, that I’m too dumb to work for him, I should have never been hired, he has enough money to fire me and everyone else and hire all new people, and that I won’t be doing his research anymore (my job description, basically).

-Tells me that in his country a woman would be stoned for speaking out against a man (this was when I began looking for other employment).

-I get a summer helper, my boss tells him that females should not be in the workplace.

-When I handed him my resignation, he asked me if I was serious. I gave him 20 days notice because I needed to use my overtime before I left or I would not be paid for it, he tried to tell me I could not do that (fun fact: I did).

-Freaks out on me after he realizes I’m leaving. Tells me I won’t be hired by anybody else. Imagine my smug look when I told him I already had another job lined up.

-Brings in someone for me to train as my replacement, I train them and on my last day, he tells them it’s not working out. Not sure why, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he was told he wasn’t allowed to hire anybody else as I was his 2nd technician in the last 6 months.

-On my last day he tried to act like he didn’t know it was my last day, and asked me to come in the next day.

-Called me every day for 4 days after my “official” last day. Never left a message, so I never responded.

I have a very good friend whom i have met during my uni days who is a year junior from me. During uni we study together, sometimes my friend would cook for me during my exam week, we travelled places together, we work really well as a team during sports.

After graduating uni, i got an offer to work in a private company, however my friend did not get an offer and was jobless for 6months and keep asking me to check if my company would like to hire him too.

However there were no vacancy in our company.

So i suggested my friend to join venture as partners to start a business together. I listed my offers and shared my ideas. My friend was very interested and agreed to our business start up. At first, my friend did the part to helped me look up on locations and price comparison for the business. I have been busy for awhile with my current work at hand but will do some research during free hour. Soon after a month from our discussion. My friend had already started his own business with my ideas without informing me.

These were exactly his words, ” Not sure if i got tell you this, i already started renovation and plan to open my business in a few weeks time.”

He acted nonchalant, no apologies ,never say he doesnt want to partner anymore and still can continue to take food from my fridge while telling me that with his back facing me.

This hurt me really bad. I think i would feel better if he had told me earlier during our discussion that he would not like to partner with me. And not after he had started renovation and planning to open the business in a few weeks time. It felt like being stab at the back.

My friend still message me occasionally to ask me regarding things in the business field and it irk me. I was thinking if i should just ignore this person despite had really good past time together as friends? I need some advice. Should i keep a distance and avoid all messages or should i continue to be a friend?

Later did i noticed that this friend only contact me for ideas, for informations and like to keep things as a secret.

I can’t get a closure for this incident and it still gets me despite all this happened during pre-covid time. When i chose to ignore the messages, i feel bad. But when i replied, my friend got his answer and information and will ignore me without replying a thanks or ok.

Should i just break all ties with this person and move on? Or should i forgive this person and mend my own injuries with time? Any good advises?

Is it common for a couple to split the bill/ for the guy to pay/ for the girl pay most of the time (assuming both parties are working and earning decent amount)? I am quite curious since my bf used to pay while he was working and I was studying. Now I am working and paying for most meal but my parents told me I shouldn’t be paying since he is the one asking me out.

Here are what netizens think:

• The relationship is a two-way street. Whatever works for you, every couple is different. Some believe guys should pay since they are providers, some believe going dutch since it’s gender equality.

• both should pay. why are you paying for MOST meals?? Or is he paying for the other stuff like movie tickets, etc etc while you pay for meals?

• Surely you are past that stage when he was chasing you? And it’s a mutual decision to go out and eat together, right?

• A person who pull their weight is often welcomed, gender aside. If a person is able to pay, why the fuck wouldn’t he/she? Relationship aside, if I ask my friends out and want their time, I would be footing the bill. But that’s not the same context your question is sharing. Going by your parents logic would mean if he asks you to BTO with him, he pay everything meh…

• If it’s important enough, both parties should have an honest discussion about it and have an agreement so that it doesn’t turn into making assumptions who’s paying whenever they eat out.

Situation

* 31M, with net-worth of 0.5 mil SGD and will continue to work and get over 200kSGD per annum. So financially secured

* born in a very poor family and worked my ass off since school, good grades, worked 12-15 hrs per day to finally help my family lift from financial woes

* I didnt do much of party/travel/fun in general cause i knew only way to get out of poverty is to work hard (unlike my friends or peers who were quite well off compared to me in terms of family background).. but that was a conscious sacrifice

* really want to have a loving family by 35 with a kind girl and ensure my kids grow up with mom and dad present.

Complication

* to have a loving family, i need to marry and i am shit scared entering into such legal contract where i sign once and half of (all accured since age of 18, day night work and future earnings) is completely in the hands of the wife.

* “no fault divorce” means even if didn’t do anything wrong. Wifey can choose (people can change lets be honest) to just take my kids and half my current/future wealth

* These laws made sense in 1900s because women were completely focussed on homemaking. But in 2022, women can earn/be promiscuous and still enjoy all benefits of traditional marriage

* It hurts but true.. One lady psychologist said, women confess that “1st marriage is for money and 2nd marriage is for love”.. makes sense right? after 1st marriage your alimony is ensured. Now you can go ahead and have lovers/bfs while ex-husband pays for your “lifestyle”… and if you had 2nd marriage, your alimony stops that means the 2nd guy was really worth it for you…. if i was a woman in today’s age it sounds so amazing… as a man it crushes me that divorce laws are so one-sided

Advice needed

* please help me understand how is a man expected to get married in such times where women can choose to break marriage and be rewarded for it

* Is there a way to make this fair? like ensure that if i make a fault in marraige, fine i pay for the mistake. But if i was a good husband then i should be able to protect all i have earned throughout these years with so many sacrifices

* please help me see the light at the end of tunnel that still we can have loving families in this modern age where divorce laws are from 1950s, completely crushing men who get married

Where to keep downpayment money if I’m still a ways from purchasing a house?

I’m planning on purchasing a house next year (probably around next year).

I usually don’t keep much cash in my savings. I usually invest my money as soon as I receive it, but because I’m purchasing within a year, I haven’t done that.

I’ll have the downpayment ready in the next few months, but I also don’t really want to have it sitting in my bank. Stocks are cheap right now, so I’m pretty tempted to buy with my downpayment money, but if the market crashes further in the next year, then that would probably delay me from purchasing a house, so I’m wondering what other options I should explore in my position.

Here are what netizens think:

• If you’re looking to buy a house in under a year, you should just keep the money

• Your investment horizon is 9-mo. You should not put in stocks. 

• in our current interest rate environment and your shop period, seems like even just a savings account would do.

• Do not invest in the stock market for time horizons closer than 5 years.

• “Stocks are cheap right now” sure compared to January 2022, but you don’t know what the price will be in 6 months or a year or 2.

I (20F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) for a few years. We live together with two dogs. I go to school and he works.

Since we’ve been here, I’ve figured out that he’s really lazy. He rarely brushes his teeth or showers unless he is instructed to, he doesn’t do the laundry unless explicitly told multiple times, he has skipped work the past two shifts saying he’s sick.

All he does is lay in bed and play video games. Any other thing he acts like is too hard, too much work. He only works 3-4 days a week part time and it doesn’t pay the bills. He pays like $400 on our 1500 rental.

My mom pays for our groceries, his phone bill, and other things. Pretty much everything and he just expects it. He doesn’t act grateful, he is mean about my mom and talks about how annoying she is.

I just feel like he is a weight dragging me down at this point. I have big goals in life and I don’t see him being a part of them with the way he acts right now.

His entire life almost is video games. I like to have fun, he likes to sit at home. Which is fine sometimes, but it’s ALL he wants to do.

He has been like this since I’ve known him in some ways. He lost his mom right before we met and lost his dad last year. I can understand that taking a toll mentally, but I am seriously drowning just sitting around waiting for him to do something and act like he gives a damn about what I want.

Any advice is appreciated, I’m at my breaking point in this.

This is Why I’m Having An Affair…

Tomorrow is my birthday, and every year throughout the year I show my husband in stores things I would like. He offers to buy them then, but I just show him ideas.

One item, in particular, I have been wanting for 8 years. I show it to him every year when it’s on sale as it’s like $300. He never remembers come Christmas or my birthday. I make lists with the item, colour, price and stores you can find it at.

This year was the same, Sunday night he asks me what I want, I tell him a certain $50 Bluetooth speaker you can get at most places (lazada, shopee)… I tell him the price and model. He says nothing and goes to sleep.

He was off yesterday and today, he stayed home while I wfh and slept all day. Today his mother called and asked what I wanted, he said he knew of one item but nothing else and that im so hard to buy for. She asked was he going to get the item and he said he’d try.

Again, he double checks the name brand and model and says ok.

Later on today he tells me that he wants me to go to the store with him after my shift ends to go “pick something out” because I’m so hard to buy for and maybe we’ll find something.

I feel so hurt. I asked for one item and even before that he never paid attention.

Tomorrow AP remembered an item I had been wanting for awhile and went out and spent $200 on it a week ago and made sure it came in on time.

Point being, it feels like a direct reflection on how they care about me.

I (28f) thought my ex (32m) and I had a wonderful relationship for the last two years, but I guess I was wrong.

We met kicked it off. He was tall, cute, nerdy and a great lover, but last week he called me crying, apologizing and letting me know he cheated and that I need to get tested for chlamydia. I ended up having it and I was prescribed a round doxycycline to get rid of it.

He refused to tell me the names of the women he cheated on me with at first, which I needed to know so I could contact them to get tested so I called his mom and she forcibly sat him down at her dinning room table and got him to give up two names (it’s now been five names).

The one girl he cheated on me with was engaged and now her fiance is leaving her, and I had to deactivate my Facebook, because her family and friends wouldn’t stop harassing me for him leaving her and we’re threatening to call my work place and tell them I’m dirty and have STDs.

I also contacted the boyfriend of the other girl who’s name he gave up, but since I don’t want to reactivate my Facebook I don’t know how to contact the other people he named after her so they can get tested.

Some people think that I shouldn’t had gotten ahold of their boyfriends, because it just caused me drama, but my ex was refusing to inform anyone that he might had given them an STD because he didn’t want anyone to get angry with him, so I felt like I didn’t have a choice, because if I didn’t tell them no one would of.

Has anyone else very been in this situation and how did you handle it?