I emotionally cheated on my GF twice in 6 years. Who’s problem is this?

My GF and I were classmates in Poly and we got together back then. Due to my sleazy past, I had an inferiority complex that I was not good enough for her at the start. She made it very clear about this point but I loved her very much nonetheless. I went above and beyond to make up for my lack of confidence and pampered her. Over time, she simply took me for granted.

At the 2 years mark, I met my colleague, A. She was very nice to me, bought me breakfast every morning, cared for me when I was burnt out and we had a strong connection. We talked a lot at work naturally and our co-workers often urged us to get together. We had so much chemistry, and she confessed to me. If I said that I did not have feelings for A, I would have been lying. To close this chapter, I tendered my resignation and left as I cannot stand the fact of losing my GF whom I loved dearly. However, it was for a fact that at some point of time, someone else was slowly replacing her place in my heart.

It was also at the same job, I met B. The moment B walked into the room on her first day, A said that she was definitely going to be the one for me. B was our team’s temporary staff and I did not think much of our relationship back then. A was constantly jealous whenever I approached B for work so I kept my distance from her. At same point, my GF did pick up that something was amiss and checked my phone while I was in the showers. However, she had never confronted me and we left this matter as it is.

In my subsequent job, 3 years later, I met B again and we are from different teams. We had no reasons to communicate at work but we met on the way home and started talking about our first job together. Slowly, we went for lunch together once a month and somehow started texting each other outside of work. Our conversations are always filled with laughter. As a devoted Christian, she will not be able to accept my scandalous past and lack of virginity. So I always tried to keep a distance from her but we somehow had to work together on a project. And here I made a choice to leave my current workplace again as I cannot resist the pull towards B.

Throughout this whole time, my GF was often not understanding of my busy work schedule and was constantly making demands. I wanted to marry her 3 years ago but we could not get a BTO and she was not ready for a resale flat. Now that she is eager to get married but me, not so much. I am not blaming her and in fact, she is an amazing girlfriend. It’s just that I do not know how to effectively communicate with her. When discussing tough topics, she often have no opinions so there is not much of any discussion in our relationship.

If I really loved her that much, would A and B have the chance to catch my attention? Probably not. If my GF paid more attention to me, would A and B have the chance to catch my attention? Probably not. Should I break up with my GF and lose the stability that we have now?

please share your personal “Glitch in the Matrix” Story or Weirdest creepiest or paranormal story(s).

Weird occurrences / incidents you hadn’t been able to explain.

I seldom dream but when I do (dream about the person), the very next day, the person will contact me out of the blue. I never tell them that I dreamt of them though.

There was also once when I was driving late at night, was signaled over then signaled over to the vehicle and asked me to follow them back to the station. Thought was screwed as I was flying my car, I was told the next day it was for my own safety as there was something on the roof.

First story

I seldom dream about my relatives. One night I dreamt that my nieces and nephews came to my house to play. I was seated between my fav kids and having a good convo.

Looked to the side and saw a small boy I didn’t recognise, but he was in my home and looking around shyly. So I walked to him and asked his name and age, said he was 6yo. Asked if he liked video games and he said YES so I brought him to my room so that I can get to know him.

In my room I was asking him questions trying to figure out whose kid this is. Then one of my cousins came into my room and said “there you guys are!” and I was like oooohhh so this kid is yours.

Woke up, told my mum of the dream because this particular cousin had been trying to conceive for 10+ years. Next day my mum texted me that the cousin is expecting a baby (finally!!) and the baby was due in June – 6th month hmmmm coincidence?

Second story

I think I was around 7 years old when it happened, I was left home alone at that time. I was playing in the living room when a lady walk out of the kitchen with her hands covering her face, while singing a Malay lullaby. Try to nudge her and get her attention but she won’t budge or look at me no matter what, and just continued to sing that unfamiliar tune. Proceed to unlock the front door then leave it wide open as she exit. The keys were just left there at the front door. I did not hear any sound of footsteps leading to the staircase or the leave. When I took a look outside after she left, there was no one there.

Stared at the door for 30 minutes before my mom came back. She asked me who opened the door and I told her it was the domestic worker. My mom had a confuse look on her face and told me that she already left an hour ago and won’t be back for awhile.

Neither me or my mom have any idea who was that person. My domestic worker think I’m lying and that I opened the door, but my mom said that was impossible because she knows I’m afraid of heights and that the key was placed at the very top drawer of the alter cabinet.

Don’t know if it’s a ghost, glitch in the matrix or an unfamiliar intruder/friend of my domestic worker. My mom left for a short while to get groceries downstairs so I don’t think it’s a friend of my domestic worker.

Third story

This happened when I lived with a male housemate (separate bedrooms). Usually the 3 bedroom HDB was empty when I got home because my housemate worked long hours, and the lights were usually kept off = save $$.

This was an old HDB so the only living room light switches were by the front door while my bedroom was about 3-4m from the front door. Usually I walk to my room in the darkness but on this particular day a shadow jumped out at me when I was midway to the room. I’ve no idea where I got the balls to but I turned around and followed it to the kitchen and turned on the lights. I think my brain shut down and I had to believe the shadow had been my housemate. To my surprise, no one was home. I downplayed it and chalk it up to mental stress and my eyes playing tricks on me in the dark.

About a week later, I bumped into a neighbour (think kaypoh auntie) who asked if I knew what had happened. Turns out the flat between us aka my next door neighbor’s teen son had fallen to his death a few nights earlier while trying to retrieve laundry. Like a fucking horror movie, I felt my face turn pale as she continued going on about how sad it was. It’s why the shadow disappeared into the shared wall, between the 2 flats, he had been walking back to his own home.

I am usually a die hard cynic who believes in science but I seriously question what I saw that night. I have also never experienced anything similar since.

I GET NO ALONE TIME

My boyfriend (28M) and I (22F) have been together for 3 years now, and as the title states, I have z e r o amount of alone time.

I work, I come home, and as soon as I come home he gets off of his video games and we spend the day laying in bed. If I get up to want to do one of my hobbies, he complains I don’t pay attention to him.

7/7 days of the week I try to spend time with him, do absolutely NOTHING for hours while I watch him play his game and talk to him about it, I try to initiate intimacy in bed as much as possible, I’ve taken us out on dates every. Single. Weekend. for the past few months.

I’m the only one working, so we can’t really afford to get out and do much during the week, but i haven’t been able to do any of my hobbies, go anywhere, or do anything by myself for any period of time in over a month now.

Even when he was working it was maybe for an hour or two 3 days of the week. the few things I’ve tried to initiate doing on my own; he suggests we do it together and if I mention wanting to do them by myself, he gets extremely hurt and says I need to give him a chance to show me patience and kindness.

(ALOT of things we’ve tried to do together have not gone smoothly, especially if he’s not in control).

WHAT DO I DO IM GOING CRAZY LOL I love him to death but personal time is healthy and he gets 8-9 hours everyday and, but I’m not allowed ANY and I don’t want to hurt him by needing that, but it does, how do I get through respectfully.

Netizens’ comments

• What do you find attractive about a nearly 30 year old who is unemployed and codependent?

• So, what exactly do you get out of this relationship? Because it sounds like a job with no pay. There’s a reason why a 25yo dates a 19 year old and it’s because he’s looking for a bang maid. Which is what you are at this point

A netizen shared how he is estranged from his family and wants to disown all of them due to many issues while growing up.

Here is the story

Estrangement and disowning family

The Father.

Since young, I never had a good relationship with my father. When I was a kid, he would physically take it out on me – if he had a bad day at work, we would all have an even worse evening at home. He practiced lots of double standards, such as “no reading newspapers during mealtimes, give the newspapers to me!” – and proceed to read the very papers he ordered us to hand over. During my teenage years, I rebelled – got into bad company, smoked, drank, “tonned” (no idea how to spell that local term for staying out overnight), got into fights with my teachers and schoolmates, generally earned a bad rep in school. Because I hit puberty early, I was bigger than him when I was 15 years old, and he was up for a fair fight if he tried to get physical. He then turned to emotionally mistreating me, calling my school and friends whenever we had an argument or quarrel at home. He got my friend’s mobile numbers by looking through my mobile phone when I was asleep – those were the days when Sony Ericsson T610s and K700s were in vogue and phones didn’t have a password unlock function. He did the same thing throughout, even when I landed my first job at an SME, he once called my boss down to my house during a quarrel saying there’s an emergency and he needed help. My boss rushed down to find me in tears and the house in a mess from the fight we had. I was very ashamed. He did the same thing too, to my church leaders – my cell leader was a school teacher, and he once made her stay in our house till 2 in the morning while he regaled her with embarrassing stories of what I did when I was young. I was even more ashamed then.

As such, I have become very reticent to share any personal details of my life to anyone outside other than my closest friends who have watched me grow up and know the kind of person he is. I moved out of their house into my own place 7 years ago, and have never been happier. However, I still have flashbacks and nightmares of his ill treatment, and I often wake up either in cold sweat or screams and tears. I am extremely paranoid about letting anyone in my family know where I work now, for fear of him calling my office to embarrass me again should he be upset with me for whatever reason. Working in an events company, there are times some candid pictures of my colleagues and me ended up on the company’s Fb page, and I get so anxious I immediately call the marketing department to beg them to take down my photo. Whenever we are at roadshows in shopping malls, I can’t stop thinking about one of my family members spotting me in uniform and then telling my father about it. There was once I saw a distant aunt walking towards our booth, and I immediately fled the roadshow even though I was attending to a customer.

I’ve not spoken to him in 11 years, but the mere thought of him makes me repulsed and have nightmares all over again. Once, I went back to their place to get some letters and saw him the moment I walked into the house. I ran in, grabbed my letters, and made a dash for the car. I remember speeding all the way back to my own home, gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turned white. I was filled with an inexplicable rage, and there’s nothing more I wanted to do than to torture and see him die a slow and extremely painful death under my hands.

The Mother.

I’m on cordial terms with my mother, but because she’s his wife, I don’t tell her much about my life – she doesn’t even know where I live nor what I’m working as. I do meet her for meals once every few months, mostly out of obligation and persuasion from her, but seeing her stirs up a quiet resentment in me too – I hate her for never standing up for me when my father got overboard with his torment of me. I hate her for always telling me to “forgive him, he’s your father after all”. I hate her for playing a part in driving a wedge between my brothers and me (more on that later). I hate her for always being extremely calculative and stingy with money – growing up I never had a birthday present because “I already bought you a cake, that’s your present.”. <– (I know this is a very 1st world problem to have, but my parents are loaded: my father is quite a prominent figure in society because of his business affiliations, and my mom is a dentist.) All my CNY angbao money was used to pay for my own school books every year, and if there were a shortfall, she’d lend me the money first, and deduct it from my (already measly) pocket money. I had to save up for my own shoes and uniforms, too.

Then again, I know some people will bash me and say that they had to go through the same, and didn’t make any noise. But it’s different, when you know your parents can afford a $2.20 Pilot Shaker mechanical pencil for your 10th birthday but resolutely refuse to give it to you.

So, while I am on cordial terms with her, I no longer have much affection toward my mum because I’ve held her at more-than-an-arm’s-length for a long period.

The Brother.

My mother practiced cold wars with us a lot when we were growing up – whenever she was angry with us because we did something wrong, she wouldn’t talk to us for a week. As such, my brothers and I picked that up really fast, and we’ve not talked since we were primary 1. Throughout our teenage years, my parents would both tell us to be careful of each other, saying that he was planning to do such-and-such to me, and vice versa, etc. This created a lot of animosity and wariness between the both of us, and we haven’t spoken since. I opine my parents did that to ensure we did not gang up against them perhaps.

Even though we lived in the same house (albeit separate rooms) when we were younger, I am so dislocated from him that I don’t even have his mobile number nor know what stage of life he’s in (poly/uni/working etc.)

I know my family’s dynamics are very weird lol.

—

I’ve been wanting to disown my family for the longest time, so I will finally be free from obligations like meeting my mother, attending CNY reunion dinners and weddings etc. I will also no longer think long and hard about putting my mom’s contact as NOK for emergency purposes. My parents have said before that when I start working they want at least 20% of my salary as a form of gratitude to them for all the money spent raising me up but I completely refuse to, given our very strained relations. I have already changed the nominations in my CPF to people other than them, and have written a will to state that in no event should my family receive a single cent from my estate, but I am afraid that unless I make it publicly known that I have no relations to them anymore, there is a chance they will try to contest the will and CPF nomination. I also want my father to know that he will not have his firstborn at his deathbed or funeral (he’s a buddhist, and apparently there’s some importance of having all of one’s children, especially the eldest son, at the funeral performing the rites). All my life, he’s had the last laugh in all the arguments, quarrels, and fights we’ve had, but I sincerely hope to have the final laugh at the end of (his) day.

I can’t seem to find any information on Singapore law that touches on disownment. Even as a kid I thought a lot about emancipation, but I didn’t have the means to move out and prove that I am capable of providing for myself. Is there any way I can legally and publicly do so? My close friends have advised me against it because I am potentially losing out on my inheritance, but I don’t give a rat’s ass about the fat bank accounts or numerous properties my parents own – I have been completely independent since 16, and have absolutely no interest in living off money that I did not earn myself.

Thank you for reading, and I hope to have some sincere advice here.

…Unfilial Son

P.S.: I have absolutely no interest of reconciliation or going for family therapy/counselling – we have tried it a few times and it was always ended up a spectacular failure.