I was with in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend for 4 years. Knew her as we were from the same poly.
During the 6 months in the 1st year, it went pretty well, relationship was smooth where we did what normally couples do. Going out on dates, dinners and she was a very understanding girl who would accommodate to eating at affordable places as I was pretty broke back then with no savings, and was just earning enough to get by from part-time gigs.
I managed to secure a better and stable part-time job at the start of the covid pandemic, which allowed me to earn enough for savings and some money aside for expenditure purposes. As someone who didn’t have sufficient savings during the beginning of the relationship, I wanted to spoil my then-girlfriend. Scrimped and saved up for months by eating cai-pngs almost daily to save an extra few dollars to buy and spoil my then-girlfriend luxury goods. For her 21st birthday, I bought her a bag worth $1,700 and yes, she was definitely happy and thankful. However, at least for this point in my opinion, this was where the mindset started to skew towards being spoilt, rather than being thankful.
Fast forward a year later, during her 22nd birthday I bought her a brand new iPhone worth $1,400, a staycation worth $300 (3 days 2 nights) & a meal worth $150. However, she insisted that it was not enough and wanted a hairdryer worth $600. Blinded, I paid for it as well.
We had planned for an overseas trip in the middle of the year when the borders just started to open up to receive more tourists. Along the relationship, there were some small disagreements and arguments and she threatened to cancel the overseas trip. It was a trip that I was looking forward to as I would have to serve my national service the month after the trip. However, as she used her account to purchase the flight tickets, it meant that she had the flight itinerary details, which I did not have access to the account. I had begged her to not cancel the trip and tried to persuade her as much as I could, however she kept replying that she had cancelled the overseas trip and would rather lose out on the tickets being forfeited.
After a heated debate, eventually I gave up on persuading her to keep the flight tickets and that may have changed her mindset. She ended up implying that she did not forfeit the tickets, and it was just a test to observe whether I care for the overseas trip or her more.. Of course, I was pissed as I felt that how could a partner try to play these kind of psychopathic mind game towards her own partner. Likewise, blinded by love, I forgave her.
During my national service, the relationship felt slightly more distant due to spending lesser time than usual, which I felt it was perfectly normal and just a phase of life. When I asked her on whether is she willing to take the train with me to the West area of Singapore to book in to camp just to spend more time together, she refused to be supportive and hence did not send me to the nearest MRT from my army camp for the entire span of my trainee period.
While I was serving the nation and receiving low allowance, the relationship started to skew more negatively. She had an overseas trip to Thailand with her friends, and asked me for money for her trip. As I was not intending to head to Thailand anytime, I did not mind giving her my remaining Thai Baht. However, there was a portion of the remaining Thai Baht, about SGD $300 worth of Thai Baht that I had, which was what my dad had given me to spend for my overseas trip prior to national service. Initially, I refused to give her the money that my dad had provided me with as it was not originally my money. To my dismay, she became angry and threw a temper at me as I was reluctant to do so. Once again, blinded by love, the only solution I had at that time was to give her the $300 that my dad had provided me with.
There was an instance where I bought her a branded chair with backrest support and personally delivered it to her house. Yes, she was pleased with the gift but a few weeks later, she did not allow me to sit on the chair unless I was doing her school work for her on her laptop.
Few months later, it was our passing out parade, where we could invite our personal guests to attend the ceremony. As a few of my friends were willing to rent a car and drive over to the location of the camp, it meant that the rental cost of the car was to be split among 5 people. I invited my then-girlfriend to attend the parade, however she insisted on not attending unless I pay for her portion of the car rental. Instead of me directly transferring money to my friend, who was the driver, my then-girlfriend wanted me to transfer her the portion of the car rental to her, and she would directly transfer my friend the portion of the car rental, to make it seem like she was okay with paying for the car rental. At this point, I felt disappointed as I could not do anything about it.
During valentines’ day, I bought her a customized gift. For context, we don’t usually celebrate valentines as we didn’t see a need to do so, however I felt like giving her a small gift as she felt like she needed it at that time. In return, she told me to eat her cold leftovers for lunch and consider that as my valentines’ day gift. Although I had mentioned that valentines’ day is not important, I felt that I was disrespected by her actions.
While I was serving in my unit, I decided to start my own business during my spare time on my off days. I had informed my then-girlfriend on my plans and was hoping for her to be emotionally supportive of me. However, the moment I told her about my plans, she immediately laughed at me and told me that “You can’t be successful” and “You can’t make it lah”. At this point I just wanted to prove the people who looked down on my aspiration wrong.
Fast forward a few months later, I managed to earn enough from the side hustle to get by. There was an instance where I wanted to go to Malaysia on a day trip the following day, but I did not have enough ringgit with me and the money changers were already closed as it was already late at night. Hence, I consulted her at home on whether I could borrow 50 ringgit for my day trip. Considering that I had provided so much, I was expecting goodwill and help in return, as I felt that couples should help and compromise with one another. Additionally, 50 ringgit was not that much of an amount. Unfortunately, she was reluctant to lend me that amount as she felt that I was taking advantage of her money. After a debate and some arguments, she took out the remaining portion of her Thai Baht from her drawer, which was originally my dad’s money, raised her voice at me by saying “You want the money so much right? Then take all la!” and threw all the money at my face.
My heart was already broken at this point, but despite her actions I even tried to talk to her and told her that couples should help one another. Being stubborn, she did not listen, and I told myself that enough is enough and I should start to not hang onto the relationship as I did not see any future ahead anymore.
A month later, we had a heart-to-heart talk about our future and goals in life. As I took a longer education path and was planning to further my studies in a local university, this meant that I would be significantly older in comparison with my peers in university. She told me that if I don’t own a stable career or business by the time I graduate from university, she would leave the relationship after I graduate. That moment, I knew that there was no point in continuing the relationship, and eventually we ended off things from that point onwards.
After the relationship, I felt relieved, significantly happier and I can be myself better. In my opinion, definitely there were good times throughout the course of the relationship, however overall I felt that I was in a relationship with a childish and money-minded psychopathic narcissist who only cared about herself and money. This is because I felt that as time grew by, I felt that I was someone who I didn’t want to be, which was to be someone who was introverted and in my own bubble, and I personally took a really long time to get my true extroverted personality back.
To all the readers out there, thank you for reading as this is a real thing that happened to me. Please do comment below about your thoughts on this, as well as whether should I have stayed in the relationship or whether I managed to dodge a lethal bullet.