I’ve f-ed up big time, this happened yday, I feel lonely af and i cant seem to get my mind off this.
Here is what happened
Ok so my friend John(M18) told our friend group of like 15 guys, that he had a crush on this girl he’s been talking to for months, Leah(F17) and jokingly stated that he wanted someone to wingman for him. I’ve thought this girl was cute for a while but I (M17) didn’t like her or anything cos i’ve never spoken to her.
idk y i did this, i was thinking with my ‘kkj’, but i thought if she liked him back it would be an opportunity to start a new friendship since John was one of the few dudes in our circle i barely talk to. And if she said no maybe I could hit on her and in like a few months ask her out depending on her personality, so in my mind it was a win win (ik im a terrible friend)
so the day comes i tell Leah that John likes her, she says she likes him as a friend and cant see it going further than that. Idk y but at that moment she suddenly seemed 10x as cute, she just seemed way hotter up close while talking to her.
I tried so hard to make convo asking about her convos w John, how tough school is, how were going to finish school in a yr, etc. she gave me her number and we texted tons for like a week, and she was getting a bit flirty (this whole time i hvnt told anyone about this)
I kid u not, out of the blue, like a f-ing horn dog, also with the fear getting played like John; texting her for months just to be called “nothing more than a friend”. I ask her out in just a WEEK of talking. I was 100% expecting her to say “no” or “its too soon”, but completely unexpectedly she said yes and that she was attracted to me for like months but didnt know how to randomly talk to me.
all this was like 2 weeks back, 2 days back we went for our first actual date for food after school (friday) and then watch a movie and she tagged me on her insta and snap story. John saw the story and he literally ruined my f-ing existence.
He sent the story on the friend grp gc and called me a snake on the class gc. I get it its a bit f-ked i did him like that but i was never really friends w him and what can i do about her seeing him as a friend. now the gc was clowning me for not “respecting the bro code”. I could sense the saltiness from Johns messages and i didnt want him to do anything drastic so i dmed him (biggest f- up of my life)
He kept saying “do you know how this feels, ive liked her for so long and she just goes with another guy w/o second thought”. i somehow managed to create the worst response saying “i didnt mean to hit on her, i never even liked her i was just trying to help u out, I cant help the fact that she sees u as a friend, also she hit on me 1st (this was a lie), and idk if i even like her that much, the relationship probably wont last”, (that was a lie too i think shes the most pretty and sweet girl ive ever talked to and i was so lucky to have her)
idk if he was trying to provoke this response but he sent that response to her. I only said this to calm him down.
Leah dumped me, John blocked me, they kicked me out of the gc. It feels like everything ended at once idk wtf to do. I thought after a day it wud blow over but yday apparently they all went out for football and didnt call me.
4 of my friends from the grp still dm me and are consoling me, telling me it will blow over but if they’re going out w/o me and im not in the grp idt its that small, ive dmed Leah explaining everything but shes ghosting me.
today no ones messaged me, i cant study, i cant work out, my mind feels cluttered, ive lost my friends of 2 years, lost someone i thought i actually loved.
I’ve literally just sat on my bed and stared at the ceiling, im almost tearing up, i feel cornered, idw go to school tom, my life took a complete 180.