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Saturday, December 10, 2022


I (28 F) had been dating a guy exclusively (29 M) for two months. He said he loved me in a month. He had a great sense of humour and we come from the same city. We clicked on the first date and had a great connection. He was very loving, caring and romantic that it felt like I was living my dream. He had told about me to his mom, sister and friends which is kind of a big deal in India. I have not met his friends or family yet because I was not ready at that time.


He had never been in a long term relationship before so had few friends who were girls for emotional support. I didn’t see that as a warning sign at first because I have my own set of guy best friends, but last week his girl best friend (30 F) came by surprise from another city to meet him for their Friendversary. I found it really odd that she came by surprise that too on a weekend and planned to stay for four days overnight at his house, knowing that he might have plans with me. She asked him to cancel all the plans and spend time with her. Its not new that his friends stayed at his house, but I found this particular scenario very odd. I was upset that he cancelled my plans. I told him that I was not comfortable with her staying there which he didn’t understand. He thought that I was being unreasonable. I asked him if we can atleast meet for lunch and I want to meet her to talk but he was so scared to disappoint his best friend and he said she didn’t want to meet me.

I lost my cool on Sunday and asked him to meet me or else I will leave the relationship. He met me and I asked him straight if something was going on between the two. He got really upset and said it’s just platonic. I talked about boundaries and told him that I am not comfortable with his female friends staying at his house overnight unless it’s an emergency. He accepted after much deliberation that he will not allow night stays.

We spent the night together and kissed for the first time. That is when all hell broke loose. He uttered her name when he kissed me. I got very upset and asked again if something is going on. He said it’s just platonic and he felt really guilty for leaving her alone and being with me because she wanted to spend time with him so she was in his mind. I felt betrayed because he didn’t know how to prioritise our relationship. He was feeling so much guilt for leaving her alone at his house that I kind of thought that maybe he has feelings for her and that we are not compatible. I conveyed how I felt when he uttered the wrong name. But he was unable to process it. He said he will distance himself from her which I felt was a good decision. They used to talk everyday for hours before I came into his life . It was like he was emotionally involved with her and I was competing for his attention. I was willing to give him a chance.

The next day he told her to stay in another friend’s house saying what happened between us the night before. She got very upset that he didn’t spend Sunday with her and told him that I am overreacting and controlling him and that I didn’t trust their friendship which was for almost 4 yrs. He got guilty again and cried to me that she left after a big fight. I consoled him but couldn’t find a reason why this affected him so much. I felt that if she was a true friend she should have given us the space to resolve our conflicts. She guilt tripped him and called his mom and sister telling them that he is behaving this way. They didn’t know the full story so they supported her. I told his sister about the incident and she supported me after that. The very next morning the girl best friend sent him a text message asking him to meet her at the airport which she showed me. I got so pissed that I told him to go if he wants. He said he won’t and blocked her telling her that he can’t talk to her anymore because I was upset. I was really happy that he understood my feelings.


The afternoon he called me crying and told me that she had sent him an email about their friendship and how he insulted it by doing all these things and setting boundaries. He said he felt really guilty and kept on asking me if he can talk to her again. I was devastated. I told him he can do whatever he wants , it’s his choice. He got a panic attack and I got scared. I wanted to make sure he was ok. So I told him to go for therapy and gave him my therapist number. He went for therapy but still couldn’t get rid of his guilt.

He wanted to meet me the next day. I knew something was not ok. He said he can’t stay away from her because she has been a big part of his life. So if I am not ok with him talking to her and sharing things he said we will break up. I was heartbroken. I rethought the entire thing and after a day I said I am ok with her meeting occasionally but not talking everyday. I wanted him to be emotionally intimate only with me which I feel is not unreasonable. I also offered to talk to her to see if we can get along. She came on video call and we had a small talk which was awkward. I was talking normally but she didn’t talk much. He said he needed a break to think about the entire episode. I agreed.

The very next day he met with me and broke up saying that he is choosing the friendship over our relationship because he doesn’t feel anything for me and that the relationship will not work anymore. I was not able to understand why he changed his mind so quickly. Last week we were in love and the next week he broke up. I am unable to process this. Was I unreasonable to ask some space for our relationship and expect him to prioritise me? My gut instincts said that she was i

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