When you finally realise you are aging in a place like Singapore

I’m 39, earning only $4500 a month and have less than $40k in my bank account. I am also unmarried.

I don’t know if I will be married , and resale hdb is now totally out of my reach (started looking 2 years ago and the now regret of being picky is very very painful).

Living expenses is unlikely to go down. Hdb prices is unlikely to go down . My salary is unlikely to go up.

Am I screwed? And I’ll be 40 before I realise it .

Netizens’ comments

1. i’m in ur age range and earning way lesser than u. if u’re fked, i’m dead.
2. Damn, all of us are dead
3. Ur CPF can easily get you a 2 rm bto with grant.Not even paying a single cent cash and you dun even need home loan.PPVC 2rm bto also comes with full floor finishes, internal doors and sanitary fittings.
4. You’ve been working for what, close to 20 years now? Assuming you didn’t start off at 4500, you have probably what, 2-300k ++ in your cpf, of which at least 60% is OA. So you’ve got in the region of 150k in cpf OA.
   Why are you screwed? You can buy a 2 room bto with your cpf and savings like, tomorrow, no need to take loan (location dependent of course).
   You prefer better location, then can buy resale but need to take a loan, but you should have no problem paying it off.
5. i’m 35, single, saved up for resale hdb but will wipe out my savings for the dp + reno + furnish. jealous at BTO lottery for the married folks ha..
6. Your savings rate seem extremely low for someone at 39 with your pay and amount of time to save since you started work.
   Also, there’s no need to get resale hdb when BTO options for singles are available. Especially being able to tap on CPF and not cash outlay. Staying in a convenient area is a want not a need.
   The hard truth is you cannot afford to picky now because of the spending /lack of saving decisions you made in the past. This would have impacted you wherever you are, not just Singapore.
   Nonetheless hope if you calibrate your mindset and start saving up (and investing safely) you can reap the rewards in due time.
7. Keep the faith bro and try to find more social outlets to meet ladies who are seeking to settle down too. I was in a similar situation back when I was 37, and back then I dated and met a lady from a Facebook dating app called Zingle. Fast forward 11yrs, I’m married with a 9yr old kid.
   Love can happen, but you gotta go out to meet them as much as possible.

Affair with my Subordinate Turned Awry

I am writing to get this off my chest.

Had feelings for my subordinate

2 years ago, I hired her to work directly under me. I later developed a crush on her and when we discovered that the feeling was mutual we ended up getting together.

Because she reports to me directly, our relationship could not see the day of light. We ended up spending most of our time together at her place or mine. The problem was, I saw what we had as a “relationship” but she saw it as simply an “affair” or “fwb”.

Unbeknownst to me, she started a real relationship with someone else shortly after. I felt cheated on and confronted her about it.

I felt like the rug has been pulled under my feet.

She explained that she had no clue I was serious about her because:

1. I never made plans for her to work elsewhere

2. I never told her the words “I love you”

3. I never formally asked her to be in a relationship with me

4. we never discussed about the future (i.e. plans of moving in together, setting up a family etc.).

The thing is, I was very happy and comfortable with the state of our relationship. And she never once mentioned she needed more. I genuinely thought she was happy! We spent a lot of time together and we would talk endlessly over the phone (when we couldn’t be physically together, because we live apart).

Tried to salvage the relationship

Not wanting to “lose” to the other guy, I tried to do 1 – 4 above. I started talks with my friends (of my level) to see if they are willing to take her in so we could finally be open about our relationship.

But how fast that could happen is not something that is within my control. As for no. 4, we started talking about the future but nothing could materialise until she starts working elsewhere of course. But it was all too little too late for her.

Throughout, I felt immensely inadequate. When I finally told her the words “I love you”, her response was “why now?”.

Meanwhile, I tried to make her see how the guy she is with, is no where near as good as me. And the truth is, he isn’t.

Save for the fact that I am her supervisor and I was comfortable where we were and hence did not take things further, I am better than him in every way. Handsome-er, more established in my career, more eloquent, and not to mention, I make a whole lot more than him.

So obviously, the fact that she wanted to be in a relationship with someone far worse than me, was a huge blow to my ego.

Anyway, fast forward, they decided to be together and they will get married soon. The worst of all is how I still needed to work with her. I honestly could not stand the humiliation and to an extent the feeling of betrayal.

Asked her to leave my team

I tried telling her to leave (I think she owes me at least that), which fell on deaf ears. Now I have resorted to actually doing things to make her leave (like not giving her the opportunities or promotion that she deserves).

Recently, she confronted me and asked if I was reprimanding her because she did not choose me.

Honestly, I just wanted her to leave and find another job, because I needed the space to heal (which I have already told her, and which she refused to do). And even if I was reprimanding her, am I all that wrong?

After all, no matter how I see it, I am the one who has been thoroughly wronged here and she is not the least apologetic about it.