Stop being passive aggressive in emails

Got in trouble about a year ago for supposedly being “Passive aggressive” in emails

How? Well i simply sign off the end of the email “Kind Regards” and my name most of the time as is professional

Well this changed during one long boring email thread with a supervisor were it started as Kind Regards, Ended up as “Regards” to being nothing, Not even my name by the end of it (My outlook didnt have this automated at the time)

I got pulled up on email etiquette by my manager over this and they got HR involved as they deemed I had an attitude over it. The solution? They put my outlook to automatically attach Kind Regards, My name + company signature at bottom of all my emails and policy locked me out of it so i cannot change it.

The best bit, We recently got new iPhones and the outlook on there has no enforced signature attachment so im back to it! Waiting to see how long before a manager pulls another power trip on me

Netizens’ comments

1. Even if they do that shit again you can put a disclaimer in the message to ignore the automated footer as those opinions are not necessarily yours.
2. It’s such a minefield with how e-mail send offs are perceived. I always over egg so not to face the wrath of someone being sad that I didn’t add enough smileys.
   One note though. We don’t capitalize the R in regards. It should be ‘Kind regards’.
3. Sounds awfully petty and controlling of them.
4. Avoid using email for these kinds of conversations. Talk face to face or by phone
   • (OP) Now this is where my job is annoying. I have previously been screwed for not having something in writing. The same manager who tried to shaft me here has his own rules. If its not written down, it didn’t happen. You have to have things written down or your getting thrown under a bus if anything does go wrong with a job your handling. It is a blame culture

Opinions on older generation sayer NS now is easy

For those who are still serving NS or reservists. Have you ever taken Grab and the driver usually ask about your life in NS currently? Not just drivers, but your relatives will ask the same questions as well.

I have often heard from them a lot of times, saying now NS is very good, have so much pay, even recruit can get $630.

But majority of the things we go through in NS BMT still remains the same, same for unit vocations too. They say it as if NS is like super easy and not tiring as compared to their ‘era’.

Until today, we do still have NSFs collapsing from mental stress, emotional stress and many more other factors. They could be coming from family, relationship, medical problems.

Overall I feel that NSFs and NSMen should still be well appreciated, the impressions those people are giving me are like, “we are the new generation kids who experience an easy NS life”.

Netizens’ comments

1. skill issue tbh but i guess ill have to live up to their “strawberry gen” expectations by taking MC for the 4th consecutive time this month
2. NS is not easier, but it is safer. If youre familiar with equipment, it’s only gotten heavier for the individual soldier. The M16 fully loaded is 4 kg. The SAR21 unloaded is already 4 kg. Some grandfathers carried 1 water bottle. I carried 2 water bottles. Today the water bag can take 3 L. So water weight at least tripled. Enemy armour has thickened, so no more “LAW” (light anti tank weapon). The LAW was 6.3kg. The matador is 8.9 kg.
   The only point you can concede is that in their days, safety was worse and misuse of power was worse. Safety wise, people have paid with their lives.
3. Combat units are still no joke though
4. Funny thing is, an older woman said that to me once.
5. i dont think easier is the right word, it’s a ticket to the ‘back in my day’ contest.
   I would say things have improved, quality of life overall is much better than say 20 years ago but that applies to about everything right?
   do they also flex about how hard it is to connect to the internet in their days?

I like helping my boyfriend financially and buying him things

I (33f) have a younger boyfriend (22m). I’ll start by saying that I’m totally sure that he’s not just using me for money. He was head over heels for me from day 1.

I said no to him a few times because of the age gap, but he kept trying really hard (without harassing me of course) for two months until I said yes. We’ve been together for a year.

I wouldn’t call myself rich, but I’m not poor either, both my parents are plastic surgeons. My boyfriend was/is in a very poor financial situation.

His parents stuggle financially, his mum can’t get jobs because she has health issues, his dad is the only source of income and he doesn’t make much.

I gave him the money to get a driving license and he looked really happy when he realized I was gonna help him. I won’t buy him a whole brand new car because I’d feel dumb, things need to be earned, but I’ll help his dad buy him a modest second hand car.

Sometimes I occasionally buy him things he can’t afford (even just videogames) because I like how he reacts like a happy kid when I do these things, he comes from a poor family and he’s not used to receiving gifts.

Idk, I get a sense of pleasure out if it because I love him and I just like making him happy without receiving anything in return.

Most men assume I look for money in a man because I’m not exactly an ugly woman. But the truth is that it’s actually the other way round, since I’ve never needed more money than I have, money is the last box a man has to tick on my priority list.

Even if one day our relationship ends (I hope not) I won’t regret these little things I’ve done.

Scolding on MRT

Saw a guy (X) scolding another guy (Z) for taking up a non reserved seat on MRT.

X was bringing his mother along and had no seat. Lady beside me stood up and left her seat. Z waited a few seconds before sitting beside me.

Suddenly, X was pointing and scolding Z for being rude and snatching away the seat. Z ignored that X all the way. X’s mother was sitting on a reserved seat at that time already. They alighted like 2 stops later while X kept scolding Z.

I asked Z what happened. He didn’t know also. He said he purposely ignore the guy. If not they will start fighting already.

Why did Xscold Z for? From my POV, he did nothing wrong. If you wanted a seat for your mother, you should ask nicely right? Maybe Z didn’t see them coming?

Why ruin your day just because of one seat? Can Singaporeans chill?

Netizens’ comments

1. X wanted a seat for his mother (reserved would do) and one for himself? Got mad that he had to stand because Z somehow would not leave HIM the seat?
2. What is happening to Singapore nowadays? Even taking MRT also getting stressful because of seats?
3. Yes. But as I like to repeat on similar threads, a significant number of Singaporeans have some sort of social handicap that prevents them from asking nicely. They either suffer in silence (if they genuinely need the seat), or skip the asking step and go straight to scolding or demanding.
4. Honestly props to Z for not responding back heatedly to X, it takes a lot to not react emotionally in this day and age and some people only know how to scold and guilt trip others into giving them what they want.
5. It’s not just SG, sometimes you just encounter some weird people. No point getting into a fight with all these, just ignore or just give him the seat and ask him to stfu. There was this time this weird guy staring at me while i was talking to my friend on the bus towards airport. fyi it lasted almost 10mins and im a guy. Part of me wanted to just lash out but i felt it wasnt worth it. Tbh you can’t do anything at them unless they throw the first move.

What exactly does condo maintenance fee cover?

I am living with my parents but I have foot the condo maintenance for a number of years now. Last year, a water pipe on the floor began leaking and affected the entire lift lobby – Lobby ceiling was warping due to the leaky pipe and water puddles on the floor.

It was checked and determined that the faulty pipe belonged to our unit and apparently my dad had to pay a few thousand to get it fixed.

It was pretty inconvenient before it was fixed as we would turn off the pipe during the day to minimize the leakage then turn it on whenever we needed to shower etc. (The pipe’s valve is diagonally across the lobby, outside our neighbours house).

I find it weird that we are charged for repair works on something that we literally have no oversight on and also considering the amount we pay monthly for maintenance?

Netizens’ comments

1. Cleaning, carpark, condo sinking fund
2. Security guard salary
3. MSCT maintenance and sinking fund contributions are for common property. Anything that is caused by owners’ unit pipes, fittings, etc. are under owner’s responsibility.
   When you have experience owning old condos, you will realise water proofing issues from leaks to your neighbour below have to be borne by you or if you are lucky, maybe 50-50. This is how it works.
4. Am on condo mcst. We use maintenance fee for general upkeep like servicing aircon in gym, pool cleaning, gate repair/maintenance, gardening/tree cutting, mechanical carpark maintenance.
   There are also things like audit fees for our accounts and stuff. For the larger expenses like replacing aircon in gym, repainting whole building, replacing elevator we draw from sinking fund and we sometimes have to add a special fee to make sure we have enough money. (Special fee balance returned to owners once special fee project is complete.) We are going to paint this year. If there is water damage coming from a unit we will highlight to them and offer options, but it’s their responsibility

My boyfriend (30M) of six years cheated on me (31F) at the start of the year. I have broken up with him but my family are trying to pressure me into going to relationship counselling to work through things.

I (31F) found out at the start of the year that my boyfriend (30M) of six years was cheating on me with one of his work colleagues.

I was devastated but immediately ended the relationship and moved out of the house we shared together.

When we were together my family loved him and really welcomed him into the family immediately. They know he cheated on me but are still in contact with him, my dad regularly hangs with him still, despite knowing how much he’s hurt me.

They’ve been pressuring me into going to relationship counselling with him for the past few months and think we should work through our issues. I told them that cheating is a non negotiable to me and not something I am willing to ‘work through’ with him.

I’ve already got a lot to work through with trying to move on from the loss of a relationship and that betrayal, and it is making it even more difficult feeling like I’m losing my family too due to their lack of support and understanding.

It’s like they’re choosing him over their own daughter. I don’t know how to handle things without cutting them off.

Netizens’ comments

1. Honestly this is just sad. Your family seems more supportive of your cheating ex then their own who is hurting. He hurt you and they are dismissing that. They are choosing him, but you need to choose you.
   You need to tell them that if they decide to stay in contact with someone who chose to hurt you then they can accept the fact that you won’t be their lives. They are your family and they should support you and comfort you.
2. There is a step in between cutting them off and putting up with this. It’s setting boundaries.
   Tell them one last time that cheating is non-negotiable to you. That it destroyed the trust in your relationship. That no amount of counseling will rebuild the trust he destroyed. That your relationship is over, you won’t reconsider, and it is not open for discussion. That you are disappointed they are pressuring you into a relationship that left you betrayed, devastated, and miserable.
   Tell them if they bring it up again, you will immediately end the phone call / visit / whatever. Then enforce those boundaries. I imagine they will test them at first. So be prepared to say ‘Mum, I told you this is not up for discussion. I am ending this call now.’
   I assume your family is pushing this so hard because one of your parents cheated.

Coping with close colleagues resignation

One of my close colleagues just gave his resignation and I’m quite sad about it, and it’s taking up a bit of my headspace. I’m not new to seeing colleagues (this is my third job) leaving, but it’s doesn’t get easier each time especially with colleagues you are close with.

I know the usual spiel of colleagues are not your friends etc etc, but we’ve spent time together and could genuinely click with each other. It’s almost like a breakup.

My company is nice and i’ve no intention of leaving yet, but his departure will leave a hole for sure.

And the reality is that the relationship will most likely taper off as he transitions. I do still keep in contact with a some ex colleagues but it has drastically reduced to the occasional meal due to other commitments, and I know this is likely going to be the case, or just drop off entirely.

Netizens’ comments

1. Well if he reciprocates this feeling, time to be friends outside work.
2. you can be friends outside of work. my closest friends today are my previous colleagues and we got closer when we all left
3. Look on the bright side. You can only truly become friends after you stop being colleagues.
4. Hey, i feel ya. I have a few colleagues who are my close friends. If/when they leave, i would be devastated 
   not gonna lie, like you said, the relationship would be different once they leave coz you just won’t see each other on a daily basis anymore. I feel unfortunately nothing much will make you feel better but the passage of time. Don’t feel bad or ashamed about it, it shows that you’re human n that you have forged a great friendship.
   You can only be happy for them & hope that they will be cherished in their new workplace. Maybe try n see if there are other colleagues you might click with? Join some social activities or sth?
   I realise after working for a while that there are people that you might not necessarily think you have a lot in common with but after getting to know them better, you actually do. It may not be the same as your friend who’s leaving but might make work more bearable. And don’t forget to keep in touch with non work friends too, that helps as well.

Are friendships really superficial and there only for the good times?

F44 here. Have been trying to cultivate meaningful and real friendships where we can all be there for each other during good and bad times.

However I have found friends to be superficial and only there for the good times. Many times I tried to be kind and helpful, but once I was no longer of any use to them, these friends would stop contacting me.

Someone told me that I should make friends only on the surface so that I protect my heart. And recently a friend told me that people only socialise to have a good time.

Is this really true of friendships? I am beginning to think true friendships and caring friends are really not true…

Netizens’ comments

1. True friendships are rare.
   Not everyone is lucky enough to have a true friend that will stick by you through rough times.
   As we get older it’s even harder to establish true friendships..
2. There is experience and wisdom in what your friend said about keeping it at surface level only.
   For a long time I’ve been looking for deep and lasting friendships. But most of the time, people come and go. Extremely rare are those that stick around with me. So many times I’ve been deeply hurt by abandonment. So to really protect my heart and emotions from further scarring, I keep reminding myself to be wise. Take small careful steps to whoever might also share the same beliefs as me where making lasting relationships count.
   53M here.
3. Friendships are nurtured and it’s a two way street. That said, being really selective on who your tribe is super important. Have friends who will literally not think twice to take a day off and support.
4. I still believe in friendships but I also believe life gets in the way. People usually prioritise their spouse and kids and family before friends and friends only meet up once in awhile. That’s quite ok for me. I feel usually they’re OK for hanging out and giving advice but I do have to solve most problems myself or with my SO. Friends don’t have time to be super involved with my life neither do I feel comfortable involving them so much. However if they do need help I will help them.
5. yup. the older we get, the harder it is to make time for each other. multi-purpose ones are even rarer. i find that it helps to sort and think of my friends in the following categories so i dont have unrealistic expectations of them:
   Cat 1) those whom i can confide in and trust they wont betray my secrets. vice versa. unfortunately, this group of ppl may not have time to meet up more than once or twice a year as they are all in different phases of life (some w lots of OT, some with young kids, some outstation etc)
   Cat 2) makan/interest/fun group (specific interest, specific group
   Cat 3) ppl i only chat shallow topics / unimportant matters with (normal classmates, CCA mates, workmates, neighbours etc who never got beyond their original label). as they are usually with us at school/work several few days a week, we will see them w/o even trying. this is the group we cant run away from, so might as well have a bit of fun doing/talking about less important stuff with them than waste Cat 1 ppl’s time
   we all go through a period of time where most of our childhood friends were Cat 1+2+3 and then they stopped being able to be all 3. being able to accept this reality as early as possible saves a lot of headaches.

What sort of ‘culture shock’ have you experienced since moving from SME to MNC company, and vice-versa?

Asking because I’ve been experiencing many ‘suaku’ moments since starting work at an international corporation. I’ve worked for 5 years at a few SMEs; only a few MNCs want to hire fresh grad diploma holders anyway.

I was jobless after the last SME did a layoff exercise (jokes on them, they had to replace my role with 5 workers – that’s a story for another time) but I quickly found employment at a new company.

Here is a list of what I was surprised by when I started working at an MNC:

1. No clock-in or clock-out practices. Previous workplace demands clock-in/out even for lunch. edit: SME: 30-45min lunch. MNC: 1-hour lunch.
2. You don’t need to come to work on time, but you can leave work as stated in the employee handbook. My previous workplaces will deduct a few cents and dollars even if it’s just a second late.
3. Snacks. A lot of free snacks. The previous companies only had drinks vending machines, or they would demand $1 per Nescafe pod/capsule.
4. No need to wait 3 months before taking AL. Also, no need to explain why you need to take AL (omg, I explained to my boss I need to take AL for private matters, and he said, “That’s private info, you can keep that to yourself”, so paiseh.)
5. So many tech freebies. The HR said if we left the company, we could keep all the accessories and return the laptop. My previous workplace demanded everything be returned even though they were visibly worn out.
6. Gym membership discounts, shopping discounts etc. if I show my staff pass.
7. Allowance to play (book tickets, hotels etc) to encourage workers to take leave.
8. 22 days of AL. All are available the moment I start work. SMEs will stagger them so workers will have to accumulate leaves, like 1-2 months for 2 days. I was surprised to see all 22 days available in my HR portal.