I am a foreign student studying in Singapore, and I am graduating soon.

There is a very friendly janitor in our uni, we have lunch/tea together and chit-chat from time to time.

He knows that I am graduating and leaving Singapore soon, and he asked me to give him a red pocket to thank him for cleaning for me.

I am not sure about this red pocket culture thing, but to my understanding people give red pocket during Chinese New Year? And only married couple need to give red pocket? I am single, not married.

Can anyone explain a bit more to me? I don’t mind giving it, but it is a bit awkward to only give to the uncle who asked me for it. I would like to know who should I also give red pockets to before I leave.

he directly asked me for it. Actually it is the second time he asked me for it.

The first time was around last CNY, after shopping in fairprice, I got bunch of of red envelopes. Since I have no use of it, so I asked if that uncle wants it, otherwise I will just throw. He said he prefer an ang pao with money in it instead of an empty one. I thought he was joking last time. Anyhow, he took all the red envelopes from me.

But this time, he does not seem like joking.

Here are what netizens think:

• He straight up asked you for an ang pao? Very forward of him.

• I think he’s trying to take advantage of you because you are a foreigner and assumes that you are rich. Anyway, you are not obligated to give him anything, but if you want to be a nice person and leave SG feeling good about yourself, you can most certainly give him one. Give what you feel comfortable with, but I think him outright asking for one (multiple times) is in poor taste because that’s not what it’s supposed to be about.

• If he’s a janitor, chances are he is very poor in SG. He is probably doing is best to make ends meet. My personal take is that if the small Ang Bao / donation doesn’t mean a lot to me in terms of money, I’ll still give it… I’ll like to see it that he doesn’t have the ill intention of taking advantage, but more like he is in need of money due to his circumstances.

• It’s okay to give an ang Bao as a gift/ token and as an expression of thanks/ gratitude. It’s just something nice to do. Out of your own accord. But in this case, he asks for it? That’s a bit tasteless. I wouldn’t bother if I’m you

Resources for people who overspend

Are they any resources for people who overspend and have no savings?

I am have been working for 5 years and I have no savings whatsoever.

I always spend my savings away. Every time I save a lump some of money, I feel tempted to spend it on frivolous things (like clothes, beauty, etc). I do earn pretty decently but every time I get a pay rise, I still end up spending everything by the end of the month.

I have tried sticking to a budget but whenever I start having some money I feel tempted to spend it. Albeit on gifts for my family/friends, holiday trips, clothes, etc.

I am looking to settle down in life now but my SO isnt too keen about my spending habits. I need to start saving so that I can pay the down payment for a flat. I tried saving more carefully last year and I managed to save up till 10k before I ended up spending everything on some beauty treatment. I think I need help but I am not sure what kind of help I should get.

Thanks in advance

Here are what netizens think:

• That’s a sign for insurance agents to approach. Allocate a fixed monthly GIRO payment for some endowment policy.

• Since you are looking to settle down with your SO, why not open a joint account, let your SO take charge of it and deposit all your salary in it. Your SO will give you monthly allowance from there.

• 1) Cancel your credit cards
  2) Quit online shopping
  3) Transfer 30-40% of your monthly salary to another bank and lock your card away if you want to save more so you can settle down fast.
  4) Limit your shopping and social activities to only 3 times a month with a specified budget to spend.
  5) Already spent your budget on 2 occasions in a month? Then just decline invitations and stop going out until the next salary crediting comes along.

• There are lotsa options to this. Strong discipline is important. If you are serious in settling down you will have to change your spending habits. All the best!

Unwanted attraction

Just wanna get this off my chest because it’s killing me not being able to tell anyone, probably gon get lots of hate for this cos I know it’s f-ed up but I just wanna get it out and close this chapter

I have a bf of 3 years and we’ve been going really strong, everyone sees us as the happy and stable couple cos that’s what we really are, until recently.

Some new guy joined my company about half a year back but we never interacted until the past month or so. We were placed on the same project and have to work pretty closely.

He is very charismatic and has the face and the build that I really love. About 1-2 weeks back we had a gathering over drinks and I ended up getting overly tipsy, I struck up convos with him that were not about work, as it was noisy we sat so close to each other to speak and he even had his arm around me.

I started paying more attention to him that now I’m so attracted to him I have impure thoughts and I even dream of him. I even secretly hope that he is attracted to me too although he did mention to a few other colleagues that he wishes to get to know one of my other teammates

I’m 101% NOT going to act on it and I find myself disgusting for even feeling this way hence the title unwanted attraction. I feel super guilty towards my bf for even finding some other guy attractive and my conscience is eating me up.

I wanna stop feeling this way but I can’t stop my heart from wanting to see that guy and interact with him more. I’ve been avoiding him in the office and trying my best to shake off whatever thoughts I have but it’s tough. I wish I could just delete my feelings.

This is so superficial and horribly wrong on so many levels I need a solution

I have seen many post about comparing earning ability here.

Here is my story. I am in my mid 30s. I graduated from NUS and became a property agent a decade ago. I make about $150k to $360k a year.

I remember there was one month where I close $50k and was invited to the award ceremony. I remember feeling very down during the ceremony as most of the salesperson earn above $100k that month. I felt like I am the lowest earner there.

Fast forward these few years, every month are there 100, 200 plus salesperson making 6 figures a month. The company even had to expand the away categeory to differentiate people who make $100k, $250k, $500k and even $1m a MONTH.

Last year I clocked about $280k a year and I am satisfied. But my team mate earned over $4m. His income tax alone is almost $1m. Whats my $280k as compared to him?

Not forgeting my $280k doesnt even give me a name on the producer chart.

Here, most agent drive, if you drive a japanese car, and another agent drive a european or sportscar, you will feel damn malu.

Here, everyone owns 1 condo each, husband 1, wife 1. The company management team mostly stays in landed property.

How to compare? If I compare everyday I will die of misery. Better suck it up, ignore the competition and focus on family.

I have been with my boyfriend for like 2 and half years and recently he has been going to play poker like almost every weekend. Sometimes even on the weekdays.

We have argued until a point where I’m getting tired. If i dont allow him to go, he would get mad. So usually to avoid argument, i just let him go.

I don’t know its normal that your partner can just go gamble and leave you alone on the weekend.

One time he was feeling upset and actually told me he wanted to go play poker. But I’m like if you’re upset, you can talk to me and we can spend time together. If you’re upset, but you’re thinking of gambling rather than coming to me, am I even important?

Idk what to do as I’m too comfortable with him. I stay at his place most of the time. He would sometimes ask me to go together, but i really dislike people who gamble. So I don’t usually follow. The worst part is, he kinda got to know those other poker players through me. Kinda regret intro-ing them in the first place.

I feel like he’s getting addicted but whenever I mention this, he would deny it and gaslight me. He doesn’t like the word ‘addicted’. Last time he would gamble only during cny, but now, saying “Oh festive season. Once in a while.” Now – idk what to say.

I feel so tired arguing over this. I mentioned to him I wanted to break this off but he would question me about breaking off over such a “small matter”. He actually treats me quite nice and always pays attention to me. He surprises me sometimes with gifts and dotes on me a lot. I just dislike this particular part of him. Idk what to do. Is this a small matter? Or every couple experiences the same thing?

Unsurprisingly, many bash me for being a gold-digger, whereas some support my sentiment – I thank you for that. Given the economic turbulence, I am deeply concerned about our financial state, and I can’t help but worry about our future.

A bit of context about myself: I grew up in a poor household where my family had difficulty making ends meet. My dad is a compulsive gambler, whereas my mom is a shm. My dad would rack up tons of debt each month and expect others to pay it off for him.

Living with him was a complete nightmare. I was taught the value of money at a very young age. I had scrimped and saved to clear the pilling debt and ensure that we had the money for food. I see entering university as an option to escape this situation and be free of financial woes. During my time at the university, my friends would travel overseas and speak fervently about their experiences.

I am immensely jealous of their financial ability and had difficulty dealing with such emotions. While I am busily hustling with multiple part-time jobs in SG, I am constantly reminded of how my life would turn out if I were to be born into privilege and be able to do whatever I want.

Life wasn’t entirely unfair for me. I had two suitors back in uni. One of them was from biz whom I met in an orientation camp. We had good chemistry. He is quick-witted and good with words. However, silly me decided not to see my feeling till the end as I am still acclimatizing to the new uni environment, which I find difficult due to imposter syndrome. Then there comes the tech boom. Rumour has it that computing students commanded a high starting pay upon graduation. I took up basic computing mods for fun, hoping to make new connections. I instantly regretted it. Programming mods are easily some of the toughest courses in uni, and I had to stay up late and rely on my peers for assistance. I recalled approaching the prof if there were any “shortcuts” to succeed in this field without going through this grueling learning process, to which he cheekily replied: “Just go get a CS boyfriend, lah.” Despite the ridicule, I took his advice, and true enough, I met my current boyfriend in an organized session for CS student to network and find love.

I must admit, my boyfriend is not the most handsome and charismatic among the guys I encountered. His earning potential mainly attracts me. He stan his prof so much and views him as a supreme sorcerer. He is heavily influenced by his view and is bullish on the prospect of FAANG. He would coerce me into investing my hard-earned money into FAANG and some unknown cryptos with assurances that they would yield positive returns. His obsession with FAANG eventually earned him a spot in FB at SV, which I am happy for him. He then moved to California to pursue the opportunity while I stayed in SG, hoping I would join him as soon as he had settled. The first few years were rosy as our careers soared and our investments peaked. It was not long before all good things came to an end.

Fast forward to today, I received news that he was let go with no concrete plans moving forward. He is on a work visa and will have to return to SG if he cannot secure another job there. His refusal to return home and work in SG leaves our future uncertain. I suspect my income alone cannot sustain us for long s as I am drawing a mediocre wage. Despite the circumstance, he remained optimistic and unbothered about our financial position. Last I checked, he solicited money from his relatives along with his severance to short cryptos to turn the tide. He promised them he would double their money in a couple of days which I find hard to believe.

It is difficult to fathom how someone smart enough to enter FAANG has landed himself in such a plight, completely derailed and out-of-touch with the world. I am now left with a delusional boyfriend and a broken portfolio down by 70%. Due to my constant struggle with money, I felt as if I had reverted to square one and began to doubt my decision to choose my boyfriend over the biz chap from orientation. I would sometime browse his Instagram to see how he was doing. Seeing how he is often on vacation with his wife and making luxurious purchases made me green with envy as it is the kind of life that I have been working so hard for all this while.

I understand it is a long post, and I ultimately only have myself to blame for how things have transpired the past couple of days – just wanna rant and seek some comfort in these trying times.

Please give up seat on public transport

Hi all, there’s something I would like to share..

Just minutes ago, I was inside the standing carriage of the mrt and while the train just left a station, suddenly in the adjacent area with seats, an old man about 80-90 years old fell quite heavily on his back, knocking his head against the floor with quite an impact! We heard a loud thub sound.

Then he went motionless for about 5 seconds and everyone was very stunned.. probably thought he fainted… omg. Luckily, after a few seconds he showed some movements.. and the pasengers sitting near the man quickly helped to get him up and bring him to the nearest reserved seat. Everyone was quite worried about him of course!

This is the first time I encountered such incident, and what I am really trying to say is for all to please quickly give up seats to any elderly passengers you see whether on bus or on the mrt, if you can.

And for all elderly passengers please, if possible and convenient, take up the seat offer to ensure your safety.. Don’t feel paiseh. Also, make sure you sit down quickly once you get into the train. We want you to be safe & sound.

I hope the man feels ok since we all know it’s not good for elderly to experience falls like this at their age..

Admin kindly please post this and I hope all kind souls out there can take note & ensure our elderly are safe and well.

Thank you, everyone.

I had just touched down in Singapore for a quick work trip. After checking in to my hotel, I decided to go out for a night of karaoke with some of my colleagues.

We found our way to a local KTV, and the hostess welcomed us in with a smile and a wink.

I was feeling a bit reckless, so when the KTV hostess came around with her tray of drinks, I decided to slip her a $10 bill in between her cleavage.

I did it as a joke and expected her to laugh it off, but instead, she scolded me for being a cheapskate.

It was a bit embarrassing, but I couldn’t help but be amused. Here I was, a grown man trying to show off with a $10 bill, and the KTV hostess was not having it. She told me in no uncertain terms that she expected more from her customers, and she let me know that if I wanted to make a good impression, I would have to do better.

I took her advice to heart and pulled out a $20 bill. She started to say that the minimum is $50, I had no idea how it worked and my colleagues were too busy touching the girls to teach me.

The rest of the night went off without a hitch, and I had a great time singing and dancing with my colleagues. As I was leaving, the KTV hostess gave me a friendly pat on the back and thanked me for being a gentleman.

That experience taught me a valuable lesson. Money may not buy happiness, but it can certainly buy respect. I’ve never made the same mistake again, and I always make sure to be generous when I’m out and about.

If you’re still married, you got no right to talk about love to another person.

To the married man who die die want to confess and even posted twice about it.

I’ve met a guy like you when I was in my early 20s. He was also my mentor. I was single during that time and didn’t notice the signs or red flags that he was interested in me. We did exactly what you did in your situation. Shared about ourselves. Meet up to talk about work. Having meals alone too.

He also often send me home as he drives and it was on the way. One day he confessed to me that he like me and proclaim he didn’t expect me to do anything about it. He also say his marriage is on the rocks and they will be getting a divorce. I did have a crush on him but not once did I plan to act on it as he is married in my eyes since the first day I knew him.

I foolishly confessed that I like him too and I also do not wish to act on it. He told me he will wait for me to be ready and asked that I wait for him.

We continued this flirty banter for a few more months till I found out he started seeing another female colleague in secret and turned out his wife is expecting a child. Needless to say I was shocked, hurt and embarrassed to be a fool for thinking a married man who can confess to another woman is going to have a solid character with integrity as a human being. Not too long after that, I asked for a transfer as I do not wish to be near him again. It’s been years, he is still married.

I don’t know you but you are not much different from the mentor I met. Your motive for wanting to confess to the lady is weak and fake. You are just looking for a woman to sooth your ego and take care of your sexual/emotional needs without taking any responsibility while still being married. Confessing is opening that door to the start of an affair. You plan to open that door. Don’t try to bluff netizens.

I hope you don’t have children. I will pity them for having you for a father figure.

Attracted to older women.. help??

I’m attracted to older women. I don’t really like girls my age. I’m (23) and im attracted to women (30-50). There’s something about an older woman’s maturity that I’m so attracted to.

They’re wise and I want to learn from them, they’re also so frikin gorgeous and I’d love to make new experiences with them.

There’s just one problem, I’m 23 but I look very young, I have people mistake me for being 16/17. It makes me insecure because I don’t think older women would be very attracted to me.

I was flirting with an older woman a few days ago and all was going well, she was really feeling the conversation.

Nothing ultimately happened because well, She says im little too young for her ( and it doesn’t help that I’m still in school) Older women 30+, would you date a younger man? Would you feel disgusted if a man in her early 20’s asked you out?

Netizens’ comments

Looks like you’re searching for a ‘’cougar’ mate. My best advice for you would be to join apps, communities or whatever that specifically cater to your desire.

Nothing wrong with appreciating and older lady too either.

Previously ive had older partners and always found them to be much more switched on and emotionally more mature.

They tend to know exactly what they are looking for or want and aren’t afraid of communicating it.