My husband (32M) and I (32F) are fighting about farts.

My husband will fart openly in front of me, and me in front of him. He farts probably about 3x as much as me.

The problem is I have an extremely sensitive sense of smell. I gag and feel sick over bad smells very easily, and his farts have woken me up and made me feel so sick to my stomach that I can’t sleep the rest of the night.

The problem is that I want him to either warn me of the fart so I’ll breathe through my mouth or leave the room to fart.

He feels shamed by this, and we just got into a fight because I gagged over a silent but bad smelling fart, and got mad at him for not warning me or leaving the room.

His answer was that he sometimes farts without thinking about it, and says he feels like I’m treating him like he’s disgusting, while I feel like I’m asking for a relatively small courtesy. I don’t know what to do.

How can we solve this without me feeling sick or him feeling shamed/like I’m disgusted with him?

I reflexively apologize or announce that I farted when I do it. We’ve been together for 8 years, married for 2.

Netizens’ comments

1. He needs to leave the room to fart if you’re around. Not much he can do if he’s asleep and unaware.
2. this is just disgusting
3. Farting is normal, you’re overreacting tbh.
4. If you can’t even deal with his farting, why are you even married to him in the first place. But then again, getting divorced over farts is kinda stupid.

How to handle daughter’s lack of modesty

My husband and I are having a disagreement about the appropriate level of our teenage daughter’s modesty around the house.

She is a beautiful girl and has a high level of confidence about her body, which is fantastic. I know there are many young women who do not have that!

But as part of that, she has become quite comfortable wearing very little around our home. I’m not sure why it rubs me the wrong way that she’s often in her underthings but it does.

My husband thinks I’m being controlling and sending the wrong messages about owning your body, positivity, etc.

Thoughts are welcome!

Netizens’ comments

• info: what exactly is she wearing that bothers you
  • (OP) Underwear, like panties and tank top, or little pajamas. That kind of thing.
    • Sounds like items a human should be able to wear in their own home.

• “I’m not sure why it rubs me the wrong way-” I think it’s incredibly important you get in touch with that and figure it out if you can! Until you do, your reasons for implementing a rule will be half baked. And in that case, it might send an unintentional message.
  It could be there is a good reason to set a new standard, but unless you’re in touch with it, you can’t tell it apart from a personal insecurity, a trigger, a trauma, a projection, a judgement, etc. “It makes me uncomfortable” is not the same as “It’s inappropriate”.

Basically, I first did it when I was 18. My family was poor and I knew a girl that was in this kind of scene so I asked her to introduce me to some guys and see where it went.

The Guys actually were pretty nice and didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. The first couple of dates I just had dinner and went back home, but days passed and my family’s situation wasn’t getting any better, so I finally decided to do it.

Moving on with life I decided that, since I didn’t know what else to do, I would continue.

When I found a job in the field that I studied, I stopped with the other job. I was happy, no regrets, but I felt it was time to let the heels rest.

I got married, I found my soulmate who I truly love, and had two amazing sons. My job and my husband’s job let us live a good life until our boys arrived. We were expecting one girl, and a set of male twins came out of me, so life immediately became more expensive.

I gave up my job willingly, even tho my husband opposed it, to take care of my kids. I’m not an old-fashioned woman but I knew from the beginning that I wanted to spend the most time possible with them. My husband worked his ass off, and everything was good until our kids started going to school.

You know, any boy at that age just wants a brand new phone, the brand new console that just came out, and I didn’t want them to think “our friends have it but we don’t”. My husband’s salary was enough to pay for our home, our food, etc., but not for expensive things like two phones, two bikes, etc., so I decided to start working again.

I tried to find a job related to what I studied but that profession was dead at that moment, so I thought “let’s go for the easy money”. I became a prostitute again.

This time around it was better paid than when I first did it, so it wasn’t just easy money, it was MONEY. My husband got a promotion and we were just happy.

One thing that saved me from my family knowing is that I take care of the money in the house. My husband has always said that he works and I take care of the money, so when he comes tired from work he doesn’t wanna hear a single thing about the money or what we should buy or where we should try to save money from.

But, eventually, I told him cause I couldn’t have a good mental state knowing I was not only cheating on my husband but getting paid while doing so.

My sons are older now but, while they study, they still live with us.

The biggest problem is that, around us, the only people that don’t know are my sons. And you will wonder how do other people know? Cause I’ve been hired by my sons’ friends, their friends’ parents, my sons’ teachers, even my husband’s friends have hired me.

I know I should reject them and only stick to unknown people, but the money they pay are hefty, and my husband told me to go for it.

I don’t feel terrible about it, and my husband has told me that our sons probably know about it through their friends, but I don’t want them to hate me when/if they find out.

So yeah, that’s my confession. I needed to get it out of my chest.

My fiance proposed to me about 8 months ago. We decided on having a relatively small wedding which is in two days. Everything was going great. He seems absolutely perfect and we are very much in love.

I am a virgin and so is he, he wanted to save it for marriage and I wasn’t fussed so I agreed to saving it.

He has told me earlier that in his family the father checks the virginity of the bride the night before the wedding.

I laughed this off as it seriously sounds like a massive joke. No turns out he was dead serious.

He wants me, the night before to open my legs up in a small ceremony type thing so his dad can check me while him, his brothers and uncle can watch so that they know I am still ‘pure’.

I told him fat chance I am going to do that and he was begging to me to go through with it and how important it is for him.

He said he knew it was slightly embarrassing for me but his mom did and it will prove how much I love him and that I have nothing to hide anyway as I am still a virgin.

I left and he was crying, it was very dramatic tbh.

I want to call off the whole wedding because of this and never talk to him again.

But at the same time its only one thing and other then that we are genuinely perfect for each other and I dont want to spend my life with anyone else and it is very important to him and his family.

What the frick frack do I do. I am currently at my friends house and I might stay here for the night. tomorrow would be our last day as an unmarried couple and I am straight up panicking.

Should I go to TADM or proceed with civil suit?

My startup employer has not been paying me since June 2022 and has promised a back payment in Feb 2023 when new investors are in. New investor has started to came in but the employer has brushed off the back payment and said wants to have more ‘mainstream’ investors before he can give the back payment.

Total salary owed with cpf is around 40k. TADM can only allow me to claim to 20k. Should I proceed with a civil suit instead?

Netizens’ comments

1. Why are u still working with them, bro?
2. Why didn’t you quit earlier???? Reminds me of a friend who was owed 3mths pay and he didn’t quit because the boss was a ‘nice bro.’ The company folded and he didn’t get a cent because there was no money left.
3. I shooketh bruh
   HOW DID U LET IT GET TO 40K. I wouldn’t even let it get to 4k. 40k is like some peoples entire annual salary (and from the looks of it, half a year of your salary) how can you be ok with it?!?!!
   CPF board lah. Employer confirm get into deep sh-t one.
4. Wah $40k sia. You must be a very patient and nice person. A former employer didn’t pay my last salary for 3 weeks and I started making noise and threatening to report to MOM and CPF already. Settled within a few days.
   Sometimes you need to be assertive in order to get back what people owe you. Cannot be too passive and nice, they’ll just keep dragging until you decide to do something about it.
   Tell them you won’t give chance anymore and to settle it within a week, if they still give excuses then please proceed with TADM, report to CPF board and take legal action.
   You’re better off not working there lah, giving them free labour only. Hope you’re trying to get a job elsewhere already.
5. claim 20k via TADM first. it only costs $30 to file a claim. there are no rules to stop you from pursuing legal action on your own after for the next $20k.
6. Between the two, Civil suit. 40k is in magistrates court, legal fees should be minimal. You should also consider the strength of your case before considering whether you want to commence. In particular, whether employer agreed to make payment in writing (e.g. whatsapp).

My boyfriend cried in front of me for the first time and it made me feel a type of way, is this weird?

I’ve been with my bf for 2.5ish years now. He’s never been comfortable talking about his emotions. The only person he’s ever confided in was his mother when he was a child/teen. Some people refer to him as a robot.

Obviously in the past I’d expressed my desire for him to talk to me about things that are effecting him but he just fobs it off. We’ve fought about it in the past and he has said he just cannot get the words out.

Earlier this week his family found out that his mother will be passing very soon. As in potentially a couple of weeks even. It came as a surprise to all of them. I asked for advice earlier in the week about how I can make him feel comfortable being vulnerable around me.

I’m rather introverted myself so I was worried I would mess it up. Some kind people commented other types of intimacy I could try instead of words. One that stuck out to me was offering to wash his hair. Idk why, just feel like I’d love if my partner offered to do it for me when I was feeling down.

Well when he eventually came home he looked rough as anything. I’d already made dinner so we sat down to eat it but we pretty much ate in silence. He rarely even looked up from his food. I asked if he wanted to talk and again he fobbed me off.

Once we’d finished I asked him if he’d like to shower with me, it would have been a couple days at least since he’d have been able to have one.

I dimmed the bathroom lights & put some relaxing music we both enjoy on the speaker. Got the shower nice and hot, gently helped him undress & had him sit on the bench thing under the water while I finished undressing.

I joined him and slowly washed him everywhere,taking breaks to rest my head on his or whisper something to him. i spent a while massaging his head as a i washed his hair. I kept kissing him on the lips, forehead, neck & occasionally embracing him. Rubbed his shoulders and places I thought he’d be aching after being up and about for 2 days.

There was nothing obscene about the atmosphere, it was a whole different type of intense intimacy, It’s difficult to describe. He’d hardly said a word during all this and he looked like he could cry any min. I wasn’t sure what to say, I didn’t want to pressure him into anything so I just looked him in the eyes, smiled and said “it’s ok”.

Once we were done we both sat there for a while on the bench under the water, not speaking just enjoying each other’s company. I kept running my hand up and down his back, across his cheek or head. just trying to make him relax as much as possible.

Once I dried him and myself off, we got into bed and I stuck the tv on, I was half watching it and half playing with his hair. I asked if he wanted to talk about anything and he shook his head. I could tell he was really upset despite him trying to hide it.

Maybe 20 mins later I could see him literally on the verge of tears, I rolled to my side and put my arms around him pulling him into my chest, that’s when he started. The tears began to flow and he sobbed and sobbed. He was squeezing me so tight sometimes it wasn’t easy to breathe. I could feel the years of bottled up emotions flowing out.

He continued crying harder & it broke my heart. he didn’t say much except something briefly about “mum” but it was muffled. I felt so bad for him I had some tears myself. I just held him tight and kept whispering how much I loved him, that it was ok, I’m here, I’ve got you etc.

Even when he eventually stopped sobbing he continued to have his arms wrapped around me so tightly with his face buried in either my stomach or chest. I continued just comforting him until he fell asleep.

Usually I don’t like cuddling when sleeping but that night i held him all night long. I just couldn’t bring myself to let him out of my grip.

It’s hard to explain the way I was feeling during this, obviously terrible that he was going through this but at the same time I was so happy / relieved, Is that weird? It was an emotional experience, seeing the guy you love more than anything show negative emotion on that level for the first time.

I remember almost every detail of the night. It’s etched in my memory. I haven’t bought it up to him yet, I figured maybe it’s best to let him talk about the evening when he feels ready? But then again i also want to be able to tell him that it was ok and a good thing he did.

I think he’s a bit embarrassed that it happened so don’t know if he’ll bring it up. I hope he does though. I’ve read some women say that once they’ve seen their man cry they loose attraction.

It seems bizarre to me, if anything I feel even more attracted to him then before. It’s like it has amplified my love for this man. I never want to let him go.

Thanks for listening to me, I’m sorry it’s so long, I perhaps could have made it shorter but I thought everything in here helps paint the best picture of the evening and therefore helps anyone in giving me accurate advice.

I just needed to share it with at least one person and there is no way i would speak to anyone we know irl about my boyfriends vulnerability

My boyfriend of almost 2 years is SO BAD in bed that I just want to break up with him instead of ‘teaching’ him how to be better.

I’m 22 and he’s 28. We’ve been together for almost 2 years. Not once in 2 years has he tried to make me come when we get intimate in bed.

He will rub me (in the wrong spot usually) for maybe 2 minutes and then he moves on to sticking his D in me and he isn’t gentle at first which hurts.

He shoves it in there and goes as hard as he can. He usually takes a really really long time to finish and I usually end up getting too sore to continue before he can finish.

I go down on him almost every time. He doesn’t go down on me. When we first started dating, I was a naive 20 year old and didn’t think his not trying to make me come was a big deal.

I was also too shy to tell him what I like / want and he never initiated that conversation either.

I do love him but I don’t want to have bad experiences in the bedroom for the rest of my life and I feel like it’s too late to have the conversation.

Also, if he hasn’t gone down on me so far, it’s probably something he doesn’t enjoy doing which I don’t want to pressure him to do.

Netizens’ comments

1. I’m not sure what the goal of your post is? Because people will tell you that yes he should not be like this but this is also partially on you because you just don’t communicate AT ALL. You also seem convinced that you want to end it instead of doing anything to improve this situation so what exactly do you want?
2. If neither of you ever initiates the conversation it won’t ever happen. So your choices are to either talk to him and hope he listens or bail. Sounds like you’ve already came to that conclusion yourself.
3. You don’t communicate with him, and you’ve let it go for TWO YEARS, so anything you say to him at this point won’t be seen as constructive but instead hurtful. I’m not sure what you are looking for here? Permission from others to break up with him?

I’m their ‘one call away’ friend but when I’m the one who needed help, I don’t have anyone to call

I (29F) used to be a fun and easygoing person who smiles a lot. I’m a type of person who doesn’t really want to talk about my feelings and my problems because I didn’t want to be anyone’s burden. But when my friends needed me, they just have to call or text me once and I’ll be there for them. When I can’t be with them physically, I make sure that they know that I’m willing to listen to everything they wanted out. I’m not so good in giving advices but I’m a good listener and I let them feel they’re not alone. If they needed distractions from their problems, I am always available, I’ll even use my PTO (paid time off) if needed. That’s how much I care for them.

Life has it’s own ups and downs and when the downs came, I fell into an abyss. I was at the point that I have to resign from a job that I used to love because I couldn’t take it anymore. I just couldn’t function like I used to. I haven’t talked about it to anyone, except some few mumblings when I’m drunk. But I guess, they thought it was just alcohol. What they didn’t know is that I needed to be drunk to be able to express how I really feel inside. They were only used to that happy drunk me who liked to have fun.

I started to isolate myself. I read a lot of books and binge watch movies and series just to escape my reality. I quit social media. I stopped being the first to contact my friends. When they text me, I still reply but I stopped making effort to meet them.

I went deeper into the abyss, I didn’t want to live anymore. I had chosen a day to end it all but I had not decided on how to do it. When that day came, the only thing that stopped me is one phone call from my mother. I didn’t tell anyone what I planned to do that day.

I decided to take a break and move back in with my mother. Before these dark times, I supported both my mother and brother but now, it’s the other way around. They said it was fine for them, my brother already has a job and mother has some livelihood. I earn a little from a few part time online jobs that I could find but it’s probably not enough if I live on my own. I rarely go out of our house nowadays. My mother keeps encouraging me to look for a job similar to what I did before so I could go out, have fun and buy things I wanted. What she doesn’t know is that I don’t have anywhere I want to go, I don’t desire those pretty things I used to like before and I don’t want to do anything but stay in my dark corner. I couldn’t talk to her or any relative about how I feel, I know that they will just brush it off.

Now, some of my friends already have their own family, some are still single but they all have their new lives, new priorities, new friends. I guess we all started to drift apart when there’s no one who plans the hangouts. I realized that everyone likes hanging out with me because I was this ‘happy’ person, I’m fun to be with. When I stopped being that person, I just stopped meeting them. Nobody asked me how I was.

I’m still trying to get back on my feet. It’s so hard, it’s been years in this darkness, I felt tempted to stay in it forever. I miss my old self but I guess she’s not coming back. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m all alone.

When you finally realise you are aging in a place like Singapore

I’m 39, earning only $4500 a month and have less than $40k in my bank account. I am also unmarried.

I don’t know if I will be married , and resale hdb is now totally out of my reach (started looking 2 years ago and the now regret of being picky is very very painful).

Living expenses is unlikely to go down. Hdb prices is unlikely to go down . My salary is unlikely to go up.

Am I screwed? And I’ll be 40 before I realise it .

Netizens’ comments

1. i’m in ur age range and earning way lesser than u. if u’re fked, i’m dead.
2. Damn, all of us are dead
3. Ur CPF can easily get you a 2 rm bto with grant.Not even paying a single cent cash and you dun even need home loan.PPVC 2rm bto also comes with full floor finishes, internal doors and sanitary fittings.
4. You’ve been working for what, close to 20 years now? Assuming you didn’t start off at 4500, you have probably what, 2-300k ++ in your cpf, of which at least 60% is OA. So you’ve got in the region of 150k in cpf OA.
   Why are you screwed? You can buy a 2 room bto with your cpf and savings like, tomorrow, no need to take loan (location dependent of course).
   You prefer better location, then can buy resale but need to take a loan, but you should have no problem paying it off.
5. i’m 35, single, saved up for resale hdb but will wipe out my savings for the dp + reno + furnish. jealous at BTO lottery for the married folks ha..
6. Your savings rate seem extremely low for someone at 39 with your pay and amount of time to save since you started work.
   Also, there’s no need to get resale hdb when BTO options for singles are available. Especially being able to tap on CPF and not cash outlay. Staying in a convenient area is a want not a need.
   The hard truth is you cannot afford to picky now because of the spending /lack of saving decisions you made in the past. This would have impacted you wherever you are, not just Singapore.
   Nonetheless hope if you calibrate your mindset and start saving up (and investing safely) you can reap the rewards in due time.
7. Keep the faith bro and try to find more social outlets to meet ladies who are seeking to settle down too. I was in a similar situation back when I was 37, and back then I dated and met a lady from a Facebook dating app called Zingle. Fast forward 11yrs, I’m married with a 9yr old kid.
   Love can happen, but you gotta go out to meet them as much as possible.