Choose a good ex wife

My relationship with my partner and his kids with his ex wife were fine, great even, until the ex wife started bad mouthing about me to the kids.

I have been with my partner for a few years now,

I think we are perfect, but I have delaying the idea of marriage with him mainly because I don’t know how to deal with fact that once we are married, his kids are a permanent part of my life.

Currently we still have our own lives, our own family and friends activities that we don’t always bring each other as a plus one or the kids.

But there were times where we talked about activities and kids arrangements, they just don’t line up always.

I can’t imagine one day he have to be away for his kids with his ex wife and I am not invited, our kids are not invited.

It feels like he is having two separate families. I never imagined a marriage life where we are not one.

I used to like the kids, taking them as my own until the ex wife bad mouthed me to the kids and we became no longer that close.

It sparks me to think what’s the point of all those time spent building relationship with the kids when at the end of the day, they are always closer to their biological mum.

I also can’t imagine what if one day the kids said somethings that make our kids feel troubled, I wouldn’t know how to react.

I don’t want to be a selfish person to tell my partner to focus more energy, time, effort, money, basically everything on our own relationship.

But this is my honest feelings. I know how much it will hurt him to be trapped in the middle. But I also can’t go against my feelings.

I know they are innocent, there is still a possibility that they will come to appreciate me in the many years to come but these are all possibilities, there’s no certainty.

I am just so upset that why, why is his ex wife such a person.

To all the single man out there, when you choose a wife, make sure that you are certain of her character that if things turns sour, she remains a nice decent lady.

To all the divorcee, you will never know how important it is to mend relationship with your exes and seek common understanding.

Otherwise, the brutal truth is you need to pick a path for life forward.

Chinese new year visitation

Hello:

Seeking an advice here. Any advice is welcome. I just got married last year in November. I am an only child and before I got married, I spend CNY yearly with my mother.

Last night she told me her expectations for this coming CNY.

She told me I must eat reunion dinner with her on CNY Eve night, attend visitations with her to her siblings house on CNY 1-3.

She asked me to go back to my husband and in-laws only on day 4.

She said I am not counted as officially married in hers and her side of the family, as I never held any traditional Chinese wedding.

My husband and I only ROM, had our wedding photos taken and applied for a flat.

My husband wished to treat her an early CNY Eve lunch on actual CNY day but she denied his good will. She also said he stole her daughter.

I told my mother, i need to spare a thought for your feelings, so what about my in laws and my husband? You want my husband to turn up at gatherings as a single man?

She called me an unfilial B whom only knows how to sleep with a man. She said I cared only for strangers not her.

Does all of you have a mother like her? How do I deal with her?

Friendship issues.

I have a good friend since secondary 2.

We would spend our recesses together and then chat about our school work and we even know each other’s families.

I’ve been to her house more than 5 x and even allowed her dad to operate my leg. That’s how close we are

Then she told me she wanted to leave for Europe and US to study. I was sad to see her go but I gave her my blessing to go pursue her journey and promised if there’s a chance to visit, I’d go look for her.

So I visited her in Europe.

Throughout her PhD journey, she showed me her work more than 3x and asked for my advice.

I willingly gave her my honest opinions which she used in her papers .

She once called me urgently before my work for a rant about her professor and I obliged as I knew how much of a b- that prof was.

She would trauma dump when times were hard and her shrink wasn’t available. So you know we were each other’s confidante.

Last year, I visited her in the US. It was a planned surprise. Only her BF knew and it worked. She was super stunned and glad I came.

That week, we spent time touring her campus and some time together. We took pics and i uploaded them on my story.

However, when I came back, I posted our travel pictures of us on SM but strangely she wasn’t so happy her pics were up there and told me to take it down immediately. I obliged.

I wished her Merry Christmas, Happy new year and a safe flight home.

But Then. there was a strange silence and little/no contact…

I wanted to ask her why. But she said meet another time to talk. I thought ok.

This week, her paper was out. She told the whole wide world but she didn’t tell me privately.

I read her paper and to my astonishment, she thanked many of her friends but didn’t include me in the acknowledgement.

She even thanked another prof she didn’t like. So I felt deeply hurt. 16 years of friendship just like that.

Update: she said she’s sad and wanted to wait till Feb to resolve the matter.

If she can tell the whole world first about her prof life but not even her friend whom she has used. Maybe I should tell the world how she took drugs there 🙄

Am I the problem or not ?

Suspected outrage of modesty

Some time ago, I went cycling with a male friend and we ended up at a park for drinks and chit chat.

However, I overdosed on alcohol and got drunk. It was a weekday night and it was very quiet at the area where we had drinks.

I couldn’t remember anything that happened after I got intoxicated that very night. The next morning, I woke up at the same bench that we sat drenched and had a terrible hangover the whole day.

The male friend had tried to wake me up by splashing water onto me but I just slept through and couldn’t wake up.

Then, he left me alone few hours before dawn as he needed to rush home. This male friend continued to check in on me via messaging while I’m in a drunken state.

He is married while I’m single. We’ve been drinking after cycling together for a few years like normal friends and nothing happen between us before this incident.

Ever since this had happened, I’ve been having flashbacks for a few weeks. The flashbacks are vague images of him touching my chest without undressing me while I’m drunk.

I felt terrible each time this flashback appear. I’ve no one to talk to about this incident and I couldn’t verify or confirm if he had actually done it.

I suspect he had outraged my modesty but there’s no evidence to prove that as there’re nobody around and no security cameras in the park.

We’re still friends and it’s as though nothing has happened. But I still have the same flashback from time to time.

I’m at a lost. Could this be true? What should I do?

Wrongly accused of visiting a prostitute

I was wrongly accused by my wife for finding a ‘chicken’ in Bangkok and for not watching my diet by ordering grab food to the hotel.

There’s no way that I can prove my innocence, the only thing I can think of is to use my underwear (from the night before) as proof and send it to a lab to check. I feel very tired defending myself and am walking on eggshells.

What happened:

Was working late and running work at the hotel lobby so I wouldn’t disturb my wife’s sleep.

Had a feel to try out the weed shops in Bangkok, wanted to de-stress and relax when I sleep later (used to smoke pot when I was younger), the one nearby the hotel was closed so I took a grab to another selected hotel nearby another weed shop because the location could not be shown on the app.

My wife checked my email the next morning and asked why I took grab to another hotel. I explained as best as I could but I am at a loss for her accusations.

I told my wife I would bet everything to prove my innocence and she can take all my possessions.

I ordered grab food to my hotel as well, I was feeling full and did not consume it so I gave it to the receptionist.

I told my wife I would bet $10,000 that I was telling the truth as well. Which she would not entertain.

I have no way to prove my innocence. And I am tired of explaining it. I might end up getting a divorce on the grounds that I cheated.

Few things that triggered her:

• Diet: gained weight throughout our marriage and she’s unhappy why I ordered grab food to the hotel despite not eating it and giving it to the receptionist
• Stock market: she had a big position in the US stock market, which I encouraged her to add more positions, however the market turned around and she made a loss which I fully compensated for.

A Mother, extremely disappointed at local etiquette

Hi, I am not local but fairly local. I come from Malaysia, lived around Asia half my life, and in Australia the other half.

I find public transport etiquette here appalling compared to anywhere else I’ve been or lived.

I moved here a few years back and remember being shocked at how people had to be educated through cartoons to observe compassion, kindness and conscientiousness when commuting on trains and buses (e.g. “Stand up Stacey”). Yet, it does not seem to have penetrated the society.

I have a young baby under one. I use public transports nearly everyday to run errands and take my baby out.

I noticed that in either situation, most people just don’t bother to help or give their seat away on public transports.

• When I was visibly pregnant, many times I had to just stand in buses and trains because people in priority seats would look away, look down, look at their phones/read, or have their eyes shut, pretending not to have noticed me even when I walk up and stand right in front of them.
• When I get on buses with my stroller, people would casually stand around in the handicapped area chatting, until I go up to them and request them to clear the area for my stroller.
• Multiple times I’ve had to stand with my baby in his carrier on trains and buses, and no one would offer their seats – often times, people in priority seats would pretend not to have seen me or look away.
• Once on a train ride, I had to take my baby out of the stroller because he was crying and refusing to sit in it. I was carrying baby precariously in one arm and had to park my stroller at a corner in the train using the other arm. I looked around for a seat in the crowded train and even stood in front of the priority seats, and again, people were avoiding looking at me. I had to walk up to someone in a priority seat and tell him that I needed the seat.

Singaporeans, did you know you did not have to be seated in a priority seat to stand up and give away your seat to someone more in need than yourself?

Maybe Stand up Stacey is sending out the wrong message- obligating those only in priority seats, and even that message seems to have failed to reach its audience.

Globally there is a movement driving change to work towards a more compassionate and kind society.

Stand up Singapore, before its too late.