My (25m) GF (24f) wants me to send monthly payments to her family

Tl:dr I just started making good money, my GF wants me to start sending money ($1,000 or more) to her family every month. I refused and she’s irate with me, calling me selfish, etc. Seeking advice.

Hey guys, need some advice here. My GF and I have been together for about 2 years now. We live together and share some finances, split everything 50/50, but I believe she’s trying to take things a bit too far by asking me to give money to her family.

For more context, she was born here but her parents are foreigners.

My GF is an outlier in her family whereas she is one of the only one of her relatives to get a degree. She is making decent money now. She leads a stable and drama free life, which is why I love her. She is frugal with her money and is generally low-maintenance.

Her sister, on the other hand, is a mess. She is a single mother of 2. She is now jobless and moved in with relatives who are also struggling. Blames everyone for her shit except herself. Her mother is not doing any better. She is also just notoriously bad with her money, she will spend the last $800 to her name on a fancy table she doesn’t need then freak out and ask for money to cover rent. This is just a glimpse into the mess of her family, not even including all the issues and drama caused by her extended family. (there are many of them)

Then, there’s me. I come from a pretty poor background and have worked myself silly to get into a good financial position. I finally started making a decent wage in the past 2 months ($150K) for the first time in my life, I have things I could only dream of like…good healthcare and a savings account.

Recently, my girlfriend approached me and asked if I could start helping her send money to her family since I’m making good money now. I was a little taken back, and just asked what she thought. She’s asking me to contribute nearly $1,000 each month to send to her mom and sister. I said absolutely not, I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to just be sending monthly payments to relatives, much less relatives that aren’t even mine! She’s acting like I’m being outrageous by refusing, saying she couldn’t believe I’m so selfish.

She will absolutely not let it go and her demeanor towards me has shifted since I shut her down. I feel like I’m going insane. If a relative was in a life or death situation and needed some funds, sure, I could spare some change. But not $1000 a month! Or any monthly payment for that matter.

I tried to compromise and said I would buy some school supplies or some clothes for her sister’s kids. (Who I feel are an innocent party here and shouldn’t suffer from there’s mom’s stupid decisions) She refused, saying it’s not enough. Either way, I really don’t want my hard earned money in the hands of her relatives who are notoriously bad with it.

How do I get my (25F) boyfriend (24M) to realize that not going into work because he woke up late is bad?

My boyfriend (24M) and I (25F) have been together for 7 years and have been living together for just shy of 2 years.

My boyfriend has been working warehouse/factory jobs since 2019. The issue here is whenever he misses his alarm or doesn’t wake up in time, he lets his job know that he’s not coming in, rather than just going in late.

I tell him that even though he wakes up late he still should go to work, but he says things like “I can just pick up an extra day next week” or “it’ll be a point towards my attendance anyway whether I go in or not”(he usually works on a point system for attendance).

I will be honest, I am getting sick of this mentality. He makes $10 an hour and is missing out on a 12 hour shift.

We have been struggling financially and I cant help him out as much as I am working part time because I am a full time student.

He has lost jobs in the past due to attendance, or the job is not a good fit for him. Ever since moving in together, he has not kept a job for more than half a year, and I swear if he loses this job because similar past action I will lose it.

How can I get him to realize that not showing up to work just because he woke up late is not ideal? Thanks!

How was CNY changed over the years for you and your fam?

For mine, our schedule has gotten much chiller over the years. We used to visit some distant elder relatives out of respect but they have since passed on (RIP) and we aren’t close with any of their other descendants to visit them. Also, some family dramas happened over the years so we dont visit some cousins anymore. Less angpao money but more time to ourselves – lose some gain some la hor

Another thing is that reunion dinner has become more significant to us because with school and work we rarely get the chance to have dinner together as a whole family so it’s something that we look forward to every year to enjoy good food and enjoy each other’s company

Oh and we (mostly my siblings and I) have become more crowd-averse as we become adults so no thanks to squeezing with throngs of humans at Chinatown/Marina Bay too

Overall I feel like CNY has lost some of the magic and excitement I enjoyed as a child but at the same time, there are other parts of this holiday that we grew to appreciate more and of course a 2-day holiday will forever be welcome 😀

Netizens’ comments

1. The big tree(ah gong/ah ma) starts dying left and right and everyone else just dont bother going back anymore.
2. My mum had issues with their relatives, and so I don’t really visit my cousin or other relatives’ places as we had become distant. In fact, I really don’t like CNY especially if you don’t even celebrate with anyone.
3. I’ve similar sentiments, CNY was a lot more enjoyable when I was younger, there were more relatives alive (I miss my grandparents who have passed on), we could spend more time with each other without technology getting in the way (nowadays people would rather look at their smartphone than have entertainment unrelated to tech), haven’t seen some of my relatives for some time due to covid restrictions, and this year I’m gonna be spending CNY alone due to personal reasons.
   It’s as if many of the things that made CNY what it is, is slowly fading away over time. I guess good times don’t always last, don’t they?

I’m literally freaking out right now don’t know what to do, this was like 5 minutes ago

I was in the living room couch watching “videos” and touching myself. So in my house, the kitchen, living and dining room are connected (think open plan ), and our front door is by the kitchen.

I had music blasting loudly on the tv and I didn’t hear the door open (home alone btw ). I’m not entirely sure what he saw, but luckily I managed to pull up my pants(they were pulled down mid thigh) and then greeted me and walked past me giving me a weird look, to his and my mom’s room.

I’m not sure if he saw what I was doing, and I’m mostly freaking out because I’m scared he’ll tell my mom.

For context my mom is hella strict, and two years ago, she caught me watching “videos” in my room. Well since then, every night at ten she takes my phone, iPad, controllers, keyboard and mouse, as well as switches off the Wi-Fi.

It took me a really long time to earn her trust, and make her not think I have some type of addiction, but if he tells her I’m screwed.

This’ll mean no privacy, no electronics, no money, nothing. I swear I don’t have an addiction or anything, but I’m a guy, I need to beat my meat every so often, which is obviously something my mom can’t relate to.

I feel like throwing up right now, I don’t know what to do, do I talk to him, beg him to not tell my mom. Thing is I’m not even sure of what he really saw, and I really don’t want to make things even more awkward between us (we get along just don’t really talk to each other). My mom’s on her way home and I’m panicking right now