I have a dilemma that I need to solve …

I broke off with my 5years long-term relationship ex half a year ago as he was being mentally abusive to me, example if something doesn’t go his way he would shout at me although in his context he was just raising his voice.

The relationship became very toxic and I decided to walk away from it as it was either breakup or marriage if I were to continue staying on in this relationship.

4 months after the breakup he had zero contact with me leaving me very much heartbroken as I was still very much in love with him. I tried moving on by going on dates and meeting friends constantly keeping my mind occupied but My parents being kpo and not yet over the fact we broke up as I never told them the bad things he does to me and thinking we are making a mistake decided to invite him over for a family gathering one day.

Surprised that he agreed to come it was the first time in 2 months since we last spoke, we had a serious conversation and found out that both of us was not over but both were too scar to take a step forward to do anything…. emotions came pouring out both of us feeling vulnerable and alcohol to blame we spent the night together.

But after that night I realized we can never be together as old scars will never heal and it would be a mistake a try again. A month later my friend decided to tell me about his feeling for me. He had been there for me since the last year of my relationship with my ex and In a way, he was a shoulder I could cry on and always lent his ear for me to rant since whenever I want to complain about things to my ex or was upset he would tell me Im overreacting and just playing the pity card ????, still being with my ex I didn’t think anything much of his action aside from him being a good friend.

After thinking about it for awhile I decided to give it a go and just try out this relationship..

Overtime I grew to really loving him and love the way he treats me although he doesn’t have much compared to my ex but at least he treats me well… when everything seems to be going well I was hit with a news that I was pregnant. And it was definitely my ex as I have yet to done it with him. I told him about it and instead of being mad or asking me to abort it he hugged me and told me everything is going to be alright and if I ever decide to keep it he will raise it with me like his own If I want to abort he will be with me throughout the whole process. 

He asked whether do I want to tell my ex about it and what do I want to do.. part of me find that it’s only right to tell him about this child yet a part of me thinks I shouldn’t as I have no intention of raising it with him if I were to ever keep it, after all a child wouldn’t just magically solve our problems.

At the end of the day, I decided to keep it with my boyfriend and to never let the child know about his real father but my plans got ruined when my ex found out about the kid and insist on marrying me and raising the child together saying it’s his birth rights to do so as he is the biological father and that things might change now he will change for me and the baby .. he wants to file a lawsuit if we don’t agree and will do whatever legal means to gain rights over me and the child. 

Am I doing the right thing for my child?

Should the child really grow up with the biological parents? Should I give him another chance for the sake of the child….. even if it means gambling my happiness away.  Saying my boyfriend can never give the child everything that he can as he is a lawyer with a high-paying income and my boyfriend just earning an average income.

The child will be better off being able to choose to go to any school he wants and go and expensive vacations having all the toys he desires in the world and not being held back just because mummy and daddy can’t afford… with all this drama going on I’m slowly sinking into depression and thinking maybe I should just get rid of the problem… if the child is gone..all these problems will be gone….

What should I do? I really hate myself for thinking like that…..