Boyfriend [25M] is upset with me because he is on a diet and I [22F] don’t want to partake on it. He thinks that it’s disrespectful that I eat whatever I want when I want.

My boyfriend has a gut and has been trying to lose it through exercising and being in a calorie deficit. I am too skinny (bony) and need to eat more rather than skip meals like I used to.

He has been increasingly irritated and upset with the fact that I want to eat 3 meals a day plus intermittent snacking. He will eat 2 at a push (2 small portioned meals) and will claim that he’s full. He told me that I could use his kitchen to cook whatever, so I cooked a 3 egg omelette and some bacon for breakfast and he lashed out and became very passive-aggressive with me. E.g. “when my son is here, we eat together and do not eat or make meals alone like you just did. We certainly don’t use our phones whilst eating”.

I was very taken aback. However, it has now become apparent that whenever I cook for myself, he becomes frustrated, commenting on the portions (which are normal) or that I need to eat something simpler like a sandwich instead of pasta. He has called me selfish for eating snacks like Lays in front of him, and that it’s unfair that I do it in front of a person genuinely trying to lose weight… But I need to GAIN weight. I am bony.

I went to get fast food but he has barred me from eating any of that kind of stuff and made me feel really guilty for even suggesting it. But he drinks a lot, a few drinks a day (beer). I keep telling him that’s what is making him not lose weight but he shifts it to my cooking (which is pretty healthy). He buys his son junk food all the time, and says he can eat it because he’s a kid and I’m not.

I feel guilty for eating around him and have had anxiety attacks over cooking, scared of passive aggressive remarks. I now don’t eat breakfast because I was made to feel so bad. How do I go about confronting him and tackling this in a healthy way?

As someone who just stepped into the corporate world <1 year ago, I find that some managers do not have tolerance for mistakes from new employees who barely started working (let alone in a particular company).

I understand certain mistakes are not to be made e.g pure careless mistakes. However, I find it unfair that I’m being told off for certain things that were not made known to me/ did not realise that they existed in the first place.

There are so many things that are not taught in school, and you’ll have to learn it whilst working HOWEVER I didn’t realise you’ll be scolded if you do not know it right off the bat at work?

Help me understand. I ranted this to my friend and all she kept telling me was “You need to take initiative to ask when you don’t understand something”

But how do I ask about something when I don’t even know it existed in the first place?

Netizens’ comments

• Actually if you are unsure you can ask like anything that I need to take note of?
  Not all managers or bosses are kind enough to have tolerance for this. Sad to say most of us here will be thrown into the sea and swim on ourselves
  We only can learn it the hard way. Only a kind manager or boss will show you or guide you because knowing the fact you don’t know what you don’t know.
• That is why Singapore SME cannot make it.
  Don’t want to train staff, want to shortchange staff, keep on trying to nickle and dime their employees, then complain that Singapore has no talent and not working hard enough.
  Please lah, people have talent all go to MNC liao, you got no career prospect for the staff but still want to treat them like they are your underling, the only people who would work for you are the type of people who eat snake and fuck care your business.

Does leaving the corporate ladder matter?

Need some advice from experienced entrepreneurs or people who have been through it all.

My husband and I are tech professionals nearing our 30s. I’ve been a believer of the corporate ladder for as long as I remember, but one day I realized that I didn’t want the rules anymore. I wanted to live my own life, work at my own hours, and yet have time to take care of my children. Moreover, corporate salary is fixed for a few years regardless of effort, while the amount you can make in a business has no ceiling and scales with effort.

So I asked my husband to work with me on a side hustle last year. We are both in tech and are quite good at (and enjoy) building apps, so it took off quite quickly. Gradually, the year-long endeavour covered the salaries of our high paying tech jobs, although we only spend around 3-4h a day working on it while juggling our full-time jobs 8h a day.

These days, I feel like we are nearing burn out, and probably also quite done with feeling guilty not putting 100% in our jobs (and disappointing our managers who happen to both trust each of us a lot). With the money we make on the side with much less effort, vs our full-time jobs which pay the same salaries regardless of effort, we can no longer convince ourselves to give anything to our corporate jobs. Honestly, it has made us very unhappy everyday having to turn up to our jobs knowing all these. The extra time from leaving our jobs will let us scale the business and also actually enjoy our lives and contribute to causes we believe in, while still making money to fund our lifestyle.

However, we are at the peak of our careers, with my husband and I each being senior executives at big tech with strong trust from our managers and colleagues. I feel like given our trajectory, we would do very well if we stay in corporate. Moreover, I’m also unsure of other side effects like losing credibility from not having a corporate title. When we leave, our effective income will also be halved immediately, and the safety net is gone. Our skills will also be fully dependent on our own growth efforts rather than guided by corporate and the network from corporate. I’m unsure of the full spectrum of costs we have to bear in the future.

Has any entrepreneurs here regretted leaving their high paying corporate jobs? Any other advice is also appreciated.

Hi, I’ve read the comment. Yes, I do compare them this way, I won’t say my current bf is perfect neither do my ex. No one is perfect yes.

Firstly, I meet my bf twice a week and everytime we meet is either to his place or maybe once a month to meet his friend. When meeting his friends, usually I’ll just be using my phone as their convo I have no idea.

I can’t be pretending to join in and then talk rubbish. I’m not that thick skin and yes I’m kind of an introvert. I couldn’t think of how good he is as a bf as from how I feel is just going to his place, sleep, wake up go home continue sleep. As we don’t really have much time for each other.

Secondly, yep like how you’ve said it. It’s my stories, you don’t know what is their version to it. Well to be fair I have been with my ex for a year plus. From not staying with him to staying with him. There’s alot of things that are difficult to tell. My ex is more of controlling kind of a person. He’ll work and I’ll be at his place, I’ll be doing housework, washing clothes basically just like a housewife. I’m not able to leave his place as his trust issue is serious. Yes red flags. But every cents that he earned, he’ll bring me out to eat, bring me places that I’ve never been. He’s that kind of person where he have $100 he’ll give u $99.

Until the little one’s born. We slowly had alot alot more disagreement. He became more mentally and physically abusive. He scolded my dad who has passed before I’ve met him, he scolded my little one saying alot mean things. I could accept if he’s saying me but not her. I was carrying her in my arm and he hit me. That’s the reason why I left him, not cause I couldn’t find anyone to compare him with and it’s definitely not cause I have princess syndrome. Maybe I do have just that no one told me before. I’ve tried my best to be as understanding as possible. Even tho he’s like that but I still felt happy with him. I guess love is blind haha.

I’ve been thru so much at my age now. I’ve went thru so much that I feel like I’m mistreating myself. People my age having friends, going out enjoying life. Makeup, dress up. But I didn’t. I’m just like a 黄脸婆, yes I’ve made the decision to give birth so I have to suck it up. I’ll never regrets giving birth to her, she’s such a cute little angel. Sometimes I’m jealous of how other single mom could still do it. Still know how to make yourself pretty, where do you even get the money? And how do you even have the time to. I’m always wondering in my stupid world, I wanna be sisters with my girl. I wanna teach her how to dress up boost her confident, not like me. I don’t want her to live the way I live mine.

Thirdly, Im really sorry if my post did offended someone or in anyway. But I finally being able to find some where to spill it all out. Maybe I’m just tired, kind of. Trying to find a job, trying my best to earn money. end work need to take care of her even tho I’m really really exhausted, knowing that I don’t have much time with her. Meeting my bf till early morning, going home sleep abit more wake up continue take care of her. my ex kind of still stays in my brain doesn’t want to come out. Abit mentally torture but yes maybe it’s time to love myself more but I’m really afraid of being alone. I’m very scared of the feeling loneliness, when one really in a breakdown and dont know what to do at least there’s still my bf who I can message even tho he’ll just brush it off with something else. He’s not that kind of person who knows how to 安慰 people.

I do enjoy reading the comment as I’m able to get some idea on how should I deal with things differently. Sorry to have to post this as I really have got no one to talk to. Thank you so much for reading.

My overstepping mother-in-law

Every time my mother-in-law calls me, she asks me where I am. She wants to know if I am at my parent’s house. It is none of her business where I am. I am 30yo and I do not have to answer this woman.

My husband has a very busy schedule so I often visit my parents’ place since he leaves the house in the morning and only returns after midnight. It gets lonely (I wfh and my job isn’t all that taxing) so instead of going out I’d rather spend time in my childhood home. My husband is okay with it because he understands that otherwise I’ll just be sitting in an empty house every day.

My mother-in-law however feels that I should stay home and wait for my husband as it is a wife’s duty. She adds that only when my husband (her son) knows someone is waiting for him will he be incentivised to return earlier.

I think she is really overstepping by asking me where I am every time she calls. I don’t want to rudely tell her off but I know she is trying to find out so she can later blame me should she find out my husband and I have a fight.

When my husband stayed with her, she would not eat until he’s with her or sleep until he returned home (even after his drinking session she will wait). In my mind, I married an adult who should know when to return. Otherwise why’d he get married?

How to get the message across without creating a fight with this woman? If I complain to my husband (which I don’t want to) he may take his mother’s side. He is also the kind who’ll try to not get involved because it is easier. No point going to him. Please help.

Here are what netizens think:

• It so happened that you married a mummy-boy husband. Your MIL is helping her son to keep track of you. She needs to ensure you didn’t go out to meet other guys and be faithful to her son. In her eye, you are still a small girl even though 30 yo

• The solution is damn easy – have a nice, open direct talk with your MIL without putting in too much confrontational emotion. Set the record straight as you have written here, best to put it in point form and transmit it calmly. Manage the talk well in a harmonious and peaceful way.

• U should be lucky that you are not staying with ur mil. U are married to ur husband not your mother in law. You have ur own life to live. And u have ur own rights to do what ever you want. Just be safe in what ever you do.

• Just set her straight. Seriously, our aversion to saying things directly to the older folks does not help in building a relationship. She probably doesn’t realize she’s overstepping cos nobody ever told her she is

My boss sided with a client today after he called me a B.

My boss who is a multimillionaire (on his way to becoming a billionaire) recently threw a big party at his mansion because we signed up a very big and prestigious client.

Whenever we are in office he talk a big game but even after profiteering a lot he shares a peanut portion of the earnings to us.

I am in the finance department and I know very well about the companies’ earnings. He claimed that we are losing money but he is taking multi-millionaire bonuses every 6 months.

It was unusual for him to throw a party because he has never done that before, but given the circumstances it was understandable.