Recently I have been burned out at work and just kept crying and breaking down. However I do not want to show my feelings in front of everyone so I run and hide in the toilet for a couple of hours.

My manager called me weak, emotional and immature for crying. I just feel so overwhelmed with all the work, problems I have to solve. No colleague to speak with.

Personal life isn’t that great either

Netizens’ comments

When I read a story like yours, I feel heavy too bec I want to make you feel better but don’t know exactly how.

Sometimes I think…she might quit already if she can. She might go to see and seek psychiatrist help already if she can afford.

Coming to the point when you question yourself what is the point of living? I think…this is a bit serious.

Whatever advices we may give, even a sincere opinion may not work for you. Some battle is meant to fight alone. But…I want to reassure you that I hear you. Send my hugs and regards. You are not alone in this community.

Our mind is the most powerful mechanic. Even if the problems are not solved yet, go to the mirror and tell yourself every morning…I can do this. I can overcome this. Smile to yourself. Don’t think negative at all, even if you tend to do that. I was in similar situation before when I was young.

If the problem is too big to solve all at once. Break it into small points and try to solve it little by little.

Hv a nice day. I hope…my concern and regard reach you well. Hugs

As a young woman in tech, I oftentimes find myself as the only woman in group calls or group meetings. It is hard to report to senior management and manage developers at the same time when all of them are males

Many times whenever I speak, they start using mobile phone and not pay attention. But if my counterpart (a male) speaks, they all pay attention.

I don’t have such issues in my previous department when there was diversity in gender and nationalities. Yup, nationalities & race seem to be dominated by a group of people in tech.

I am kind of losing confidence — imagine you are talking to a group of people and they obviously not listening. Makes you doubt your skills, your experience, your credibility.

Sometimes I want to call the person out, but will you call him out if he is the top boss of your company? What’s the point of asking me questions or advice if you straight away pick up your phone and not listen.

Netizens’ comments

If the CEO is demonstrating the same misogynistic behaviour there’s no point going to HR. I wouldn’t stay in a company that treats me like dirt, and through careful research and interviewing you’re likely to find a new job with a better gender balance and more respectful behaviour.

For those in positions of privilege, I think it’s important not just to have basic human courtesy but to try and elevate those who you can see being passed over. Might be as simple as making sure their voice is heard at a meeting, or highlighting their contribution when it’s not obvious

“If you were in this situation, how would you choose?

A. Started new job 3 months ago with a good title at a reputable and stable local MNC with a decent increment, initial 1-2 months experienced culture shock and messiness of the org, some colleagues with attitude problems or having habit of being loud and aggressive to state their point, being gradually desensitised to such negative experiences and just go with the flow.

B. (Due to unhappiness in the initial months) Applied for and being offered a role with an okay title at a smaller MNC (single-digit headcount, at growth stage, was recently bought out) with another round of increment.

The overall remuneration offer is ~10% better than in A with career growth prospects, though this difference could be the opportunity cost for the smaller brand name as compared to A. Maybe the uncertainty is the stability of the org, volume of work and the boss’ management style which, to a certain extent, is difficult to judge at the outset.

Would you choose to resign from A at this point and accept the offer at B given the better pay (but unknown working conditions)? Or just make do with A, train tolerance and let days pass, given the reputation and stability of A?

Or what else should you be considering? How to decide?!!!??

What if I take the higher pay in B and I feel like hopping again.

Here are what netizens think:

• Apply another one and use the offer to get another 20% more

• Flip a coin high up in the air and while the coin is in mid air, your heart will know what’s the outcome you hope for. Follow that choice.
  
• It means you are unable to adapt to working lifestyle. You should either quit and live on your parents $$$ or just go back study

• Hmm.. unless u really hate reporting work. Otherwise if u r still unsure of whether the 2nd one will work out for longer term yet, stay on with the first and get to know yourself better and find out what U really want. At least the CV will look better.

Actually I feel very lost in my life. It seems like I’m getting better and improving as a person over time.

But I feel that I have no direction in life. I also don’t know how to describe this and I also have no one to share with about this. My mom will also not understand this since I have a job already and I am independent enough to support myself.

Yet I feel so empty once in a while. I feel so lost and I don’t know if I’m heading in the right direction. My only guideline is that as long as I am not harming any being, I can be a happy person. However, recently, I just cannot stop feeling lost.

Feeling Lost

I know it will be my fault if I cannot recognize that I have something to feel happy about. I feel that I have too much emotions inside me and I don’t have tools to manage them well. I don’t know why I am just so sensitive to negative emotions and stress. I also don’t able to withstand the stress from work well. My colleague actually encouraged me and told me I’m doing my work well, just that I don’t know how to handle the stress. I actually feel very upset with myself.

For the same job, why other people can adapt so well, but I always have issues with my stress management. Everyone is also very tired from work and also get complaint from parents. I’m not the only one facing it, why is my mind so weak and I don’t have emotional strength to go against it?

I actually feel very lonely. I feel very tired from my work. When I’m with my friends, I feel happy to meet them, but I feel very scared that I have nothing to return back to them.

I wish I can do something good to the beings around me. But I feel that I have nothing good to return to the world, except donating blood.

Mid-life crisis

Other people don’t seem like having problems of dealing with emotions. But I have a lot of emotions inside, and I feel very sensitive to my own and other people’s emotion. It makes me become so quiet when I’m with other people. I think I can work for this job for so long is because it is mostly about interacting with children. I actually feel very uncomfortable with some adults, and I wonder if I’m thinking too much. I have a tendency to keep interpreting their facial expression and body language, this makes me feel very drained.

I feel very tired. I feel that I’m being over sensitive and really think too much with other people’s words. This makes life difficult for me.

And, I hope I can have some joy and peace inside me. Otherwise, I really have nothing to share with my closed one. I don’t know why I just can’t handling my emotion well. It is just one emotion that makes me suffer. I just need to observe and wait for it to leave me.

I really don’t intend to cause any harm for myself. I want to refrain from harming and do as many good things as possible. But my emotion is causing me painful experience. I have very bad anxiety problem when I’m working. This anxiety issue actually results in a lot of negative self talk, things like I’m lousy and ugly, my boss wants to fire me etc. Rationally, I know this is very unhealthy and my negative self talks are all illusion (it doesn’t reflect the reality, I hope).

I feel very anxious. When I’m anxious, I do a lot of running and recently my knees are feeling very painful. I wonder if I should just stop. Either I will exercise very intensely or I will write all my feelings down somewhere else and hope it will disappear once I finish writing it. I really hope I can refrain from harming any being, including myself. Sometimes I get so anxious with my work, I cannot sleep at night and it affects my work on the next day. I could have done it better. This kind of thing keeps appearing in my head. My yoga teacher kept saying that my neck and shoulder are very tight and I need to learn how to relax myself during meditation.

I’m just cannot stop thinking about work before sleeping. I’m very tired and my head is very uncomfortable. I wonder if other people feel that it’s very annoying to be with me. I’m just a normal person who can’t handle stress well and have a lot of complaints with life. I also don’t dare to say it out to other people since I don’t want to be a burden. I can only secretly say it out here online. I hope to bring some joy and peace to the people and animals around me. However, I feel so helpless sometimes, I feel very upset with myself. I feel very tired.

I wonder why I worked so hard in the past. Yet I cannot make myself feel more relax and in peace.

My company recently retrenched two employees.

I still feel very sad that one of them has left today as I have more interaction with him. I really wanted to cry just now when he came and took his stuff.

Another female colleague she cried in front of him. I feel very sad that this would be the last time I saw him. He is a very nice person and I don’t know will I be able to meet such a nice colleague next time.

I actually don’t understand why the company is retrenching him as he is good with his work. It is very scary that the company can fire a person suddenly and the person doesn’t have to come on the next day. The days just felt very gloomy ever since I know he is leaving. I wonder if the next person will be me as my boss has been interviewing people every week.

The day I knew both of them were retrenched I couldn’t sleep all the way until 3am. I feel worried and scared. At the same time, I feel very sad that he is leaving. I wonder if I should start to look for a new job or at least try applying for other job? I am not sure how is the job market now.

I only have working experience in the tuition industry and laboratory environment.

I wonder if it is difficult to find a job in these two sectors. If I knew it is so hard to find a job with biological science degree earlier, I would have studied nursing instead. At least there is high job security, even though the job is very demanding.

I still feel very sad that my colleague had left. Haiz. I feel that I have lost a friend who I can turn to when I have difficulties with work.

May I have a peace of mind tonight.

“Hi, i will like to seek advise from any HR expert here. Is it considered power harassment if your boss asked you how you spent your annual leave and tell you to not take leave if there is nothing urgent? Is taking leave doing nothing but rest not allowed?

I am very angst because it was the first time i took a week of leave. I have been covering for colleagues when they were away for a month or so. Although this job pay well, but it is affecting my mental health. I am hoping to get die just because i dont want to go to office to see people who have never welcomed or valued me. I am feeling like a rubbish for being blame of everything.”

Here are what netizens think:

• This kind of job I will immediately start looking for job and once I get more than 3 interviews, I start play MC.

• Ask for formality is okay, afterall boss will need someone to cover you and that reasoning will be passed across yeah? But If keep questioning as though you are being interrogated, then probably something wrong. (Unless they have given notice that really need you to be present for that week for some major activities and manpower is short, etc)

• U r allowed to spend your leave day and do whatever u wanted to. Your boss should not discouraged u to not take leave. If your leave is unused will it be forfeited or can it be encashed?

• Annual leave is an entitlement, not a privilege. Therefore you can use it anytime, they cannot ask for what either… Only thing is if it is a packed period, then someone will have to cover you on top of their own work