CPF contribution

Hi, I got a job offer from the workplace I was working as a part-timer.

We agreed on 3K for salary verbally, but I found out it includes the employer’s contribution as well. I thought it is usually workplace pay $3K + 17% and I get $3K – 20% ( employee’s)

Is the information I know wrong? and is this common practice?

I really love (unbelievably) this job and atmosphere of this work place and people but not in a desperate situation to earn money so I will try to negotiate again to exclude 17% from my pay and get 3k still. (3K is still big amount for my industry). If I succeed, that is good, if I fail, this is good lesson for me 🙂

Netizens’ comments

• Yes you are right. Should not include employer’s cpf contributions
• Run. If they scamming you on pay right from the get go, you can bet the rest of the work is going to be hell.
• I agree that the market norm would be that the salary figure quoted to you should exclude the employer’s contribution.
  If you are able to, you might wish to seriously consider turning down the job and look to another employer instead.
  Ultimately, these little signs are demonstrative of an employer’s attitude towards the welfare of their employees, and of the employer’s values such as transparency, accountability and good faith.
• Most important is what is the role and is 3k plus employer’s contribution a fair compensation and market rate.
  But the fact that they quoted a non-standard offer that includes employer’s contribution demonstrates bad faith. That’s a red flag I’d look out for.
• Salary should just be without employer contribution. If with employer contribution then u only get like (100-20)/117 times 3k. What a red flag.
  I wonder why some of my seniors get so high salary but that includes the employers cpf lmao.
• Check your employment letter/contact if it is stated that your salary is inclusive of employer’s contribution. If it’s not then you can complain otherwise it is what it is as stated in the contract.

My girlfriend is traumatised from giving me a hj. Any advice on how to help her?

I invited my girlfriend over to my house to casually hang out. In little to no time we were making out on my bed and she gave me a jerking me off (first time for the both of us).

During the whole ordeal she was really turned on and took the initiative more than once. As soon as we finished though she started crying.

I tried to stay beside her as much as I could and she told me that she feels “filthy” and “not pure anymore” and that she doesnt know whether she will ever see me with the same eyes and like me the same way again.

We had already talked a little about this stuff and she had repeatedly told me she wasnt ready for anything but in the heat of the moment we got carried away (both of us agree on this).

Right now she is very insecure whether we should continue to stay together and I’m desperately trying to help her in this difficult phase and convince her to stay.

In the meantime we have decided to restrain from anything physically intimate but I still feel that she is suffering and that sometimes she thinks about ending the relationship.

I am not aware of any past trauma. What can I do to make her feel better?

Netizens’ comments

It seems likely there are two things at play here: First, she is somewhere between concerned and upset about things getting carried away. Not so much that there is anything terrible about what happened, but more in a sense of what could happen and the potential consequences.

In short, it is possible she shocked herself with the discovery of how easy it is to get carried away in these matters! Second, it is still possible, even likely, that she has some socialization around “good girls,” or something like that, and is feeling she overstepped some boundaries.

Both of these are obviously related, and deal with how powerful desire can be. When we are inexperienced with dealing with it, it can be overwhelming. And it is possible this caught her off guard, and now you’re both dealing with the fallout/what happens now part of things.

So, if that is correct, what happens now? intimacy has a major element of communication required! This can definitely be a major tripping point when lacking experience. It sounds like you are talking about things, though ultimately, moving forward is likely to require some introspection on her part, and sharing – both in regard to what went on with her, and potentially getting back on the same page.

There is nothing wrong, or filthy about a hand job. Sure, there are times and places where it isn’t appropriate, but it doesn’t sound like that was the case here. It is definitely a good place to start exploring too.

Lastly, you don’t mention your ages, but even if you’ve both waited quite awhile, there is alway the possibility that once everything came into view in hindsight, she suddenly felt like she wasn’t ready for things to go as far as they went.

In which case, even though such explorations are a good place to start, they will be too much until she feels ready.

Why do insurance agents have so many team bonding events?

They r competing against each other for clients unlike normal companies where people have different job scopes and have to rely on each other. Moreover they aren’t drawing monthly salary and these events are eating into their time which can be better used to hunt for new clients.

Netizens’ comments

• Must show that their lives are very good mah every year got retreat / team bonding events overseas. If not how to recruit dumb & new blood into joining their Ponzi scheme??
• If you can have up to 7 layers of people beneath you that are earning money for you independently of any of your efforts, what’s the best way for you to encourage them to stay? Play on the trope of family, and the importance of it. It’s common sense, really.
  I bring up 7 layers because that’s the legal limit on the number of layers permitted under the Insurance Act in Singapore.
• The answer lies in the question. They need to keep promoting cohesion in a competitive environment to prevent it descending into a bloodbath…
• They are structured like a MLM, they need all these events to attract new people to join and stay long enough for those on top to benefit. Project an image of financial success to attract people.
• I am a salaried adviser, but I have been to many of such events/shows/head starts/final sprints/galas
  Believe it or not, sales is actually a very pressurising job, more so than others, you cannot be a farmer/quiet quitter and more is always expected out of you. Even if you super hardworking, you might not get the results you desire and even lose out to someone with connections/good looks.
  These team bonding stuffs are often held on many levels, at the manager levels, it usually is to show the team has a fun working culture #workhardplayhard vibe, good for recruiting as well.
  On an agency level, it is better to budget $300/head to go for a short trip than to pay $300/head in cash, presumeably for tax purposes/business expenses etc.
  Combining the above, such events are best way to do R&R, there is very little need to talk company P&L or share about road maps for fiscal gains, just focus on sales related stuff (which is very little) and play.
  Making it fun gives more benefits than anything else,
  Usually these are held towards end of quarters and during week day so that very little clash with weekend appointments.
  This is of course the original intentions, and when other apply other agendas to it, it’ll start to display cultish/MLM characteristics and the other philosophical debates.
  For example, I don’t think traveling is a luxury like the olden days, so incentive trips do not entice me unless I can bring my wife and kids. But having been on a few trips, I’d say it is really fun, you get to know your colleagues at a personal level, interact with higher ups who pay for everything (I once when on a trip with $300 cash and went home with $250), and it is good when done in small dosages, too much and I’ll feel like I neglect family.
  Hope this gives another insight from someone from the industry.
• i’m from the industry too! i’m really happy at my job because i really believe in the positive impact financial advisory can have on people’s lives. it’s a fulfilling and challenging career that i’m grateful to be a part of.
  • Grateful your mother la go away

I’m 25 now and I’ve been dating a 37-year-old woman for the past year.

We started dating, everything seemed perfect and it was a new experience

We met at a party and hit it off right away. She was confident and charismatic and I was immediately attracted to her.

At first, everything seemed perfect. We had a lot in common and we had great chemistry.

We would have long conversations about our lives and our dreams. She was always so supportive and encouraging of my goals.

But after a while, things started to change. I noticed that she wasn’t as interested in s- as she used to be.

She told me her S- drive died down after 35

She would often turn down my advances and tell me that she just wasn’t in the mood.

At first, I thought it was just a phase and that she would come around soon enough.

But as time went on, it became more and more obvious that she wasn’t interested in having s- anymore.

When I asked her about it, she told me that her s- drive had died down after she reached 35.

She said that she just didn’t have the same interest in s- anymore and that it was something she had to accept.

I was disappointed. I had been with younger women before and I knew that it was normal for their libido to decrease as they got older.

But I had never expected that to happen in such a quick time.

I had invested so much into this relationship, and now all of that seemed to be for nothing. I felt like I had wasted my time and energy on someone who wasn’t interested in me anymore.

I started to regret dating someone so much older than me. The age gap had seemed exciting and interesting at first, but now it just felt like a burden.

I felt like I had fallen into a scam and that I should have seen the signs sooner.

I had been so eager to find someone to love, and now here I was, feeling regret and anger. I was so naive to think that this relationship would last forever.

I wish I had paid more attention to the signs and realized that this relationship wasn’t going to last.

I should have been more cautious and done my research before diving into a relationship with someone so much older than me.

Now, I’m left feeling regretful and disappointed.

My friends and family keep asking me why, at 33, I don’t ever date and havent even tried. It’s because my D doesn’t work. It never has.

Thats really all there is to it. My D simply refuses to work. I can jerk off just fine. But with a woman I have never been able to come. Over time that escalated into not being able to stay hard, and then it became not even being able to get hard.

I’m not unhealthy. I’m not obese. I don’t have health issues.

What I do have is a crippling addiction to adult videos and self pleasuring. But I want to be able to have intercourse. I want to be able to have a proper life. But I just can’t.

I remember getting my first bj at 16. I could barely feel anything. She went down on me for a good 5 minutes and.. nothing. Not even close. At 16 years old. I’ve been addicted to adult videos and self pleasuring since I was a teenager.

When all my friends are having their first bedroom experiences with no problem, I’m having erectile dysfunction with my then-girlfriend. I stayed with her for a year and a half. In that time she must have gone down on me 300 times and not once did I ever finish. We had intercourse too. Same thing – could barely feel anything and I obviously didn’t come. We broke up over this and I understand her position completely and hold no bitterness towards her for that decision.

I tried with maybe 10 women and every single time ended the same – with my flaccid D in my hand while a beautiful woman is disappointed as I lay there embarrassed and wanting to jump off the nearest bridge.

I’ve had to turn down a lot of women and make up reasons as to why, when the real answer is “I’m so attracted to you and I’ve love to pursue this, but I am not physically capable of sleeping with you”.

I’ve never been in an adult relationship. I’ve never been on a first date because I figure there’s no point since it can’t lead anywhere.

Eventually I stopped trying. I gave up. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be alone.

I’m miserable. I’m devastated that this is my life. I’m so tired of being alone.

I cried earlier today because a friend loaned me $20. It means I’ll get to eat tomorrow!

Please don’t shit on me if you have nothing nice to say. I recently started a job on 3/10, but will not get paid until 4/07. I was told today by human resources that my first paycheck will be pushed back until the 7th. It’s been a struggle. I’m working from 9 to 4.

My daughter gets breakfast and lunch at her school (she’s in kindergarten) but I’m also paying for after-school care so that eats up pretty much whatever cash I have.

On the weekends when my daughter’s father has her, it’s not so bad, I can go without, skip meals, eat plain peanut butter, etc.

But when it’s just me and her, I just struggle. She’s a picky eater and wants happy meals and junk food because that’s what her dad gives her. It was a fight just to get her to eat a damn sandwich.

I was venting to a friend of mine about how hard it is and how I’m just not in a good place right now because I’m running on empty. I can barely afford groceries, and my water bill shot up an extra fifteen dollars this month and I don’t know why or how. I’m so lucky for this new job but going almost a month without pay is really, really hard.

My friend just sent me twenty bucks. All she could afford to do but it meant that tomorrow when I have my daughter, I can make that stretch a little. It won’t fill my fridge (which is pretty bare and that sucks) but it means that my daughter will be taken care of and we will be able to eat for the weekend.

This is so dumb and I even told her I cried and felt dumb for crying but I don’t think she knew how much it meant to me that she cared enough to want to help. I also feel guilty for taking the money.

She said to just pay her back whenever but I don’t think she realized how much of a bind I’ve been in and how much I appreciated it.

My husband is fine with me having an affair and I don’t know how I feel about it.
My (40f) husband (45m) told me he is “okay” with me seeking company outside of the marriage.

A bit of backstory. We have been together for 17 years and have always a had different libidos. Mine being much higher. I initiate every encounter and have since the beginning. He used to say it was because he like to be perused…

When we first got together we had a pretty average-ish life in bed, but I always initiated it and was turned down more times than not.

Having intercourse one time a week quickly turned into one or two times a month, to now twice a year. I talked about this often throughout our relationship, along with other things like not feeling like a girlfriend, fiancé or wife and more of a roommate.

Beyond different libidos he is also very hands off on a lot of things. No romantic gestures, dates, cuddles or initiating touch and housework.

He’s always been a really good friend and support system but that’s about it.

We now have children and he’s a wonderful father. But still our entire relationship is one-sided with me putting in 100% of the effort towards a physical relationship and an emotional one.

For last few years I have really had enough. I realized I’ve changed so much to accommodate kids, his needs, keeping up a house and I am not happy. I told him this. I told him that he needed to step up and put more effort in.

We needed to get physical more often and he needed to meet my needs in a meaningful way or I am done. I mentioned dates, planning things, helping with dinners, acknowledging anniversaries… I mentioned at one point offhandedly if this isn’t something that he can do maybe we should open the relationship up.

Now months later he has turned around and said he’s fine with me having an open polyamorous relationship to keep those needs. He will stay monogamous and I seek the things outside of the marriage that I want because he knows he cannot accomplish them.

I don’t know what to feel about this. On one hand I’m excited about the opportunity to finally get my needs met and on the other hand I am disgusted at how lazy and self centred he is.

He didn’t seem happy about it, he was very emotional when he told me but how hard is it to take your wife out on a date?

At this point it feels like we are just friends and I get why he wouldn’t just want to me to leave. I have been doting on him for 17 years, making sure all of his needs are met. This just feels like the easy way to make me stay and him not out any effort in.

I had a really rough week at work and I was feeling really stressed out. I decided to treat myself to a massage to calm my nerves.

I figured it would be nice to go with someone, so I asked my friend if he wanted to join me. He was excited and agreed to come along.

Borrowed money from my friend for the special without thinking if he had enough

When we arrived at the massage parlour, I was surprised to see that they offered more than just massages. They also offered specials for an additional fee.

I had never had one before, but I was curious and decided to try it out.

I didn’t have any cash on me, so I asked my friend if he could lend me the money. He agreed and handed me the cash. I didn’t even bother to check if he had the money or not. I just assumed he did.

In hindsight, this was a huge mistake on my part. I should’ve asked him if he was sure he had enough money before I took it and went ahead with the special services.

When it was time to pay, the masseuse told me that my friend didn’t have enough money and could not go for the specials.

She was upset because she did so much to turn my friend on but in the end he could not have it because he did not have spare cash on him and because of that she also did not get to earn.

I was embarrassed and felt really bad. I apologized to him and offered to pay for his next massage session.

From now on, I’ll always double check if someone has enough money before I borrow from them. I don’t want to be in this situation ever again.

I had been friends with her for many years. We were close and shared a lot of secrets. I was like a brother to her and she had feelings for me.

I knew that, but I couldn’t bring myself to reciprocate the same feelings. I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t interested in her in that way, but I didn’t want to hurt her.

Told her that I will only consider her if all else fails

So when she asked me out, I told her that she would always be my reserve choice. I said that if I couldn’t get any girls to date me or a girlfriend, then I would consider her.

I thought it was a good compromise. It would let her down gently, without making her feel rejected.

But it didn’t work out like I thought it would. She was devastated. She kept asking me why I didn’t want to be with her.

I tried to explain that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with her, it was just that I didn’t feel the same way she did.

I tried to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, but she wouldn’t listen. She accused me of playing games with her and said that I was stringing her along.

I was so embarrassed. I felt like a complete jerk. I had hurt her and I couldn’t take it back. I had made a mistake and I was paying for it.

The next day, she had already moved on. She was dating someone else and seemed happy. I was relieved that she had found someone else, but I was also sad. I had lost her as a friend, and I knew that she would never trust me again.

I had made a mistake by telling her she was my reserve choice. I should have been honest and told her that I didn’t feel the same way.

I should have been more considerate and not led her on. But I was too afraid of hurting her.

My mistake cost me a good friend. And it taught me a valuable lesson: never again put someone’s feelings on the line just to spare my own.