Nobody knows the truth about my relationship with my husband

I’ve (f28) been keeping it bottled up for years that my husband (m39) is the most thoughtful, generous, loving man I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

On top of being so smart and handsome, always making me laugh, and giving me hugs and kisses whenever I want — I feel a little embarrassed saying this — he spoils the shit out of me.

I rarely cook but live in a big city so any cuisine I want, I get. I do a fair amount of shopping with the credit card he pays for. He’s excellent at planning dates and vacations.

He’s a poet at heart and always says the sweetest, most beautiful things to me. He listens to and helps me with my problems, and supports all my dumb little dreams. I’m very sensitive and he always stops what he’s doing to comfort me. For being the breadwinner, he voluntarily handles a lot of the household chores. I’ve never had to nag him to take out the trash.

He’s the best partner I’ve ever had by far. We engage in mild PDA, but at home we can’t stay off each other.

Don’t get me wrong, we have our disagreements and he has the same blind spots a lot of straight men have. But he’ll admit when he’s wrong and he’s good at apologies.

I just love him so much and I don’t gush about him to my friends or post him online because I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging… So I try to tell him how much I appreciate him as often as I can. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m the one who gets to be with him.

Is it normal for gen z to lack healthy communication skills? and ghostings, avoidant habits are prevalent among the youths?

I noticed this trend around my social circles, people can be friends, in a relationship for years but one find day you can find them ghosting you or blocking you.

This really gives rise to a lot of anxiety since stability and consistency is a thing of rarity.

When you try to communicate with them and understand their situation, feelings and what they are going through, they ignore your texts and avoids you.

It seems that gen z youths and young adults today aren’t capable of effective communication.

and do these people not value the relationships and friendships they have? ie, to communicate and fix rather than running away and avoiding?

I’m asking to see if other redditors also has similar experience and conclusion as me, or is this just a unique case for what i’ve seen around me.

*im a gen z and i struggle to make meaningful connections with people because of this… any tips?

Netizens’ comments

1. Ok think it’s prevalent among the social media generation as a whole, not just Gen Zs. It’s just easier to block and/or archive someone than to tell them to their face that their friendship is no longer of interest.
2. Nah millennials already had this problem (and it’s still ongoing). Communication often not encouraged in the home so they take what they’ve learnt into adulthood with their peers and partners. Social media makes this a lot easier because you can literally just block people despite it being a main form of communication today. It’s terrible.
3. Wah thank you for this post – I feel like I’m not alone in feeling this way about my close friends anymore
4. Embrace it. People like to less wayang than before.
   Previous gen we teach people to care more about how other people see ourself. These days not so much.
   I am not going to judge here which one is more right or wronng.

I hate being the broke parents

My 7 yr old has been begging for karate lessons for a really long time. I saved and saved until I thought I could get him at least 4 months worth of lessons. I figured by the time it came to re up, I’s have saved more money.. I signed him through a back to school special and he started last night.

Well it turns out they got rid of their one night a week lessons tier. Which I understand why but it was the one I has been budgeting for.

The next tier up is 2 days a week and at least 30$ more. I wasn’t expecting that. I can manage 2 months of lessons now. I’m not sure what to do after that.

We don’t really have the money to be spending 200$ a month on something extra. I just want to cry. My kid is so excited. He had the best time last night. I just don’t know how I am gonna swing it.

I feel like this is a running theme lately. We just can’t afford to give our kids the things we want to. Hubby and I bust our asses working. I work 2 part time jobs even. Just so we can break even.

Meanwhile the other parents are sending their kids to camp to have fun or have them all signed up for extracurricular activities. They are throwing the fun birthday parties.

My kids don’t complain or push us for more than we have. They don’t know how broke their parents are. And I am grateful for that. I just feel so sad that I can’t give them more.

Netizens’ comments

I am so sorry. Let me say some things though, hopefully it can give you some sort of clarity.

My girlfriend and I grew up in completely different homes. My parents were very well off, much like the parents you probably hear about. My girlfriend on the other hand knew about her families moneys problem when she was a little girl. She often knew they couldnt afford a lot of things.

When I met her family and came into their home, it was a whole different experience for me. I truly understood my privilege. I can confidently say though, her family excelled at things my family never did. Her mum gifts me cheap presents for my birthday and Christmas when she can, some are handmade, some are thrifted and just a good deal.

Every year at Christmas, I am more excited to open her family’s gifts to me than mine. They are always so thoughtful, so sentimental and I can tell how much thought went into them. Some of the best holidays I’ve had are with them. Though the trips with my family consisted of a lot more expensive things, the absolute fun I had/have with her family will be unmatched.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that it absolutely sucks and I’m so sorry you’re going through that. In saying that though, get good at the things you can do. Have regular games you play, try to connect with people through alternative activities. I learnt so much from them and their company and their house is so safe for me. You have the ability to strengthen things that some people with more expendable finances may overlook.

I hope you get some responses that can relate more and provide you good support. Good luck.

My (33F) husband (33M) received $50k from his father for our new house but did not use it for the intended purpose.

We have been married for 2 years and recently moved into our new home, which we spent around $100k for renovations.

When we got married, we received around $30k cash as wedding gift from family and relatives (majority of which is from my side). We used this amount to offset our renovation. The remaining cost of $70k was split equally between both of us.

Recently, he let it slip that he had received $50k from his father for our house. Granted, about a year ago, he did mention before that his father was intending to give us the $50k. But I questioned him that since he had already received the $50k before we split the remaining $70k reno cost, why didn’t he use it to offset the remaining of our reno cost?

I told him I felt very upset that he kept this from me and he had a sheepish look. It felt like he had no intention to use the $50k for our house which was his father’s intention when he gave my husband this amount, while on the other hand when we received $30k for our wedding, I used this amount for our house instead of keeping it for myself.

Should I ask him to transfer $25k to me since it was meant for our house?

Edit:

He suggested putting $25k into our joint account but I still feel it’s unfair since he’s the only one using the joint account to pay for bills. Other things like paying for nanny for our baby, groceries, household and baby items are mostly paid by me out of my own account (which I previously did not mind because I earn more than him but now that this has happened, I’m pissed and thinking if we should just split all expenses equally next time).

Netizens’ comments

1. I would consider it a pretty major violation of trust. The money was meant as a marriage gift and not a personal gift from father to son, and he tried hiding it from the marriage. I would be more forgiving based on how willingly he now splits what’s left with you, how much is left, and if a lot has been spent; what it was spent on. If he has been spending it on shared needs like bills and groceries that’s one thing, if he has been using it as a party/hobby fund that would be pretty bad to me.
2. Wow I would feel incredibly deceived if my partner did this.
   I think beyond asking him to transfer you the money, you two need to chat about finances. Because while you put all the money from your family towards the home and saw that money as yours as a couple, he saw that 50k from his father as his own. Moreover, he hid that from you and didn’t seem to have any intention of being transparent about receiving 50k because he likely knew it was wrong to hide that from you, and it was wrong to keep it for himself.
   There isn’t necessarily a “right” way to approach finances in a relationship or marriage, but it’s vital both people are on the same page. Because to me the bigger issue is that he doesn’t think of this money as “yours”, he sees it as “his”. And if this is the case, it’s a mindset that is very likely to lead to bigger and ongoing issues in the future.

Childcare teacher here. Can I just confess that the most incredibly mind-blowing screwed-up part about my job is the parents?

In this pandemic you would think parents will take extra precautions but no. I had a case where child’s antigen kit is still faintly showing positive and parents insisted on sending child to school.

Besides that case, we also have parents refusing to declare their child’s swab results. Selfish parents breeding selfish children are the reasons why the turnover rates are so high in this industry.

Please please just keep your child at home for the love of God. Your child may recover fast but not every child has your child’s immunity.

Netizens’ comments

• Dear parents. Why risk sending ur child to school and have a risk of infecting others? Dont be a selfish parent

• Not enough people tell parents that we don’t really care about them or their child.

• Yes correct. There are a lot of selfish parents.

Gf made me finish in my pants and now I’m worried I won’t be able to last long enough when we eventually get intimate and sleep together. Advice?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months but we haven’t gotten intimate yet. A few days ago we were making out and fooling around like normal but then she got on top of me and start dry humping me.

It felt amazing and she’s so hot that I ended up finishing in my pants. I felt so embarrassed that I ended up lying to her about it.

Now I’m worried that when it comes time for us to sleep together I won’t be able to last very long. I don’t want it to be a disappointing experience for her but I am kind of clueless. If you have any advice I’d really appreciate it.

ETA: I’m a virgin but she isn’t. She said her last bf was very selfish in bed. I don’t want to be that way.

Netizens’ comments

1. Tell her “Omg you’re so hot, I cannot control myself. Give me a few minutes to regroup and we can do it again.”
   Then don’t stop touching her everywhere. The fast finishing thing is only a problem if men just roll over and go to sleep.
   Also, the condom might make you a bit less sensitive so that might help a bit. Good luck!!!
2. You probably won’t. But that’s life.
   So communicate and ask what she likes and be willing to try, within reason and comfort obviously, even if you do come quick. Also who knows maybe you’ll get a second wind lol
3. You’re probably not going to last long the first time. Or even the first five times. It will get better with time though. And even if it doesn’t, making love is so much more than piv. Take breaks when you’re getting close. Go down on her. Get a toy. Most importantly, make sure she finishes first! 

Unpopular Opinion: For regular people, being born in Johor is winning real lottery, better than being born in Singapore.

They get to live a chill life in Msia till they finish uni. Then, they head over to SG to work and bring home x3.5 cash. In no time, they can snag a nice landed house and a decent car, or even start a little business. And they can go back and enjoy life every week.

Guys don’t have to deal with NS and reservist, and can easily support a family with the converted paycheck.

After a few years of grinding, they’ll be rocking middle management at work, easily get PR, buy an HDB and rent it out to earn money, as they already own a home in Msia.

10-20+ years later they can even renounce their PR, cash in big from CPF and practically ready to retire back in Msia.

Netizens’ comments

1. Bro, saying being born in Johor is winning lottery compared to Singapore is crazy talk lah. All the Malaysians I know dying to come work and live here because got chance to earn bigger salary and buy car/house. Where got so easy retire early and balik kampung after few years working here?
   Most Malaysians doing same long hours and rush like Singaporeans to pay expensive rent and cost of living. Even PR also cannot take out full CPF money if quit Singapore citizenship. Everyday jam causeway till sakit kepala also.
   Want chill life in Malaysia then don’t need come slogging here right? Better to just stay there enjoy lower cost than waste time in jams to earn stress and money in S’pore. The lottery is finding good job and making bank here to have better life than there lah, tak mudah punya.
2. My jiuhu office colleagues really do seem to be enjoying life
3. He works remote for a sinkie company but lives in his parent’s place in jb, and now owns a nice landed in mount Austin and a conti car.
4. Plan sounds good…until the part where you rent out your HDB, stay in your house in JB but still go to SG to work. Causeway jam is no joke bro
5. No guarantee you will get a job in Singapore. For every Johorean you meet here, how many were rejected?
6. if you are willing to commute back and forth from JB daily I bet you can make your life better by putting that amount of effort as a Singaporean
7. Sinkies can’t even stand peak hr mrt/traffic, wanna talk causeway traffic lol

My best mate confided in me that he was rejected by a girl he was wooing as he lives in an HDB. It’s quite puzzling that she said he has an HDB smell on him and she isn’t interested

I asked my wife about this as she was living in an HDB previously and I asked how the hell does one have a smell of their residence

She is puzzled too and I wanted to know what the hell is happening fellas

Had a couple of WKDs with the poor chap hoping to find some answers

Netizens’ comments

1. NGL I have been to a couple of condos and GCBs and they smell different.
   They have the smell of money.
2. Likely the sweaty teenager smell. Mix of sweat, oil and other gentlemanly fluids in said room in combination with the lack of showering before coming into contact with things like the bed. Your friend is just unhygienic. Or, he uses too many mothballs.
3. Unsunned laundry residue detergent, musky moldy environ, mothballs naphthalene
4. He must be from yishun, i can smell them from afar
5. He has no currency smell, he smell of coins.
6. HDB smell is a very important protective odour. Keeps the pathogens away you know like mosquito repellent? Repel the toxic dumb girl.
7. Can’t really fault her if she’s > 8/10 so she’ll take her chances to get the >8/10 males especially in a society like Singapore. However, SG HDBs are high quality though not like Malaysia public housing.
8. Tell your friend, he dodge a bullet there. Crazy girl sia
9. Girl hints he lacks money n Condo. If I advise Yr pal Run ASAP from Gold Digger
10. 💰💰💰🎵🎵 Money..money.. money.. mo..ney… Mo…ney!
11. Body odor is common with fat people and those who don’t have basic personal hygiene
    • No wonder I can smell your mum