For those dating long term/ getting married, is there a need to reveal your true net worth to your partner?

I wish to ask anonymous here for obvious reasons. In my younger days, I have sold off a business and subsequently got lucky in my other investments.

I currently have 7 figures in cash and investments and could comfortably pay off a nice condo or landed property in full if I wanted. I am employed but lives and dresses simply so no one knows my actual net worth.

I am dating this girl for 1 year+ and I see her as someone with potential for long term. She is hardworking, though working at a normal job and earning an amount average for her age.

We know each other’s salaries and have somewhat discussed finances if we do settle down, but net worth was never brought up and I did not mention about my past business and investments with her. I think she assumed that I am just an average class working joe as well.

I wanna ask is, is there really a need to let your partner know how much money do you really have? For married people, I know of 2 extremes- those who have free access to each other’s money while on the other end, either partner dont even know how much exactly the other earns or have. I am hesitant to let her know for 2 main reasons- I want her to like me as a person and not my assets and also I don’t want her to lose her drive and motivation at work as I heard stories about how some people can drastically change with a windfall.

What would your advice be?

I feel quite worried that my mom has lost her job as the shop is closing soon due to poor business.

I have suggested to her that I can support her financially, but I got scolded by her as she doesn’t want to rely on me and she wants to find a new job. However, she has been complaining to me that she doesn’t like to go for interviews and that she prefers her current boss and colleagues.

At the same time, my sister is also having problems with her own school work and she told me she is probably going to fail her computer science module. Sometimes I feel that I can only listen to people’s problems, but I also don’t know how to help them.

I also cannot help my sister since I graduated in bioscience and I have no knowledge of coding.

I hope the rainy day will be over soon for both of them.

Actually, I feel very frustrated to be worried about things that I cannot provide help with. I know it sounds stupid to worry about things I have no control over. And, it seems like I can only give emotional support to both of them and encourage them more. I feel so sick of worrying now.

However, at least I’m working now, and I can support them if anything happens. Sometimes I’m actually very grateful to my friends and my boss.

I was an outcast quite badly last time during secondary school. When I went to JC on the first day, I was very scared and I had no confidence that I could still make friends (imagine if you get outcast for 2 years during your secondary 3 and 4 and your classmates like to call you fat. I guess it would only be normal for the young me to lose confidence).

Luckily one of the girls befriended me during the orientation. I know it may sound nothing to my JC friend as she is a very friendly and approachable person. Because her normal mode of action is to be friendly to any human being.

She actually made me become more open and able to socialise and talk to my other classmates.

She is like a bridge for me and my other friends. Because of her, I could go through my JC well. So, I’m actually quite thankful.

For my boss, I’m very grateful of him, not only because he gave me a job before circuit breaker. He is very motivating and he encouraged me a lot during the work. He even comforted me before last time when I just started.

Even though he probably sees me as any of his employees (he probably hired many different teachers before), I feel very thankful to him. Maybe he sees me as cheap labour or a person who is useful to him or he just needs more manpower (given that I go back to work during some of my rest days).

I still feel very thankful for him. Due to my shy character, I have problems succeeding in interviews.

Going for an interview is like using my worst subject to compete with someone else’s best subject. I’m quite confident in my own work, but somehow heaven probably decides to close the window of interview skill for me.

I also don’t know why. I have been failing around 50 job interviews before getting the offer from my current boss early this year. I guess this is probably fate. At least I can stop going for interviews for now.

I hope my mom and sister will be fine. We won’t have good luck forever. Hopefully, bad luck will leave us soon. Probably I need to do more good things nowadays, so that good luck will come again.

My parents don’t approve of my gf. What can I do?

I’m 30M dating a 40F. Her last relationship was 10 years ago. Never been married. Initially I don’t find her physically attractive but she has a great personality and is very filial to her parents. I used to date for looks but usually the women bore me quickly. With my current gf, things have been so different as she’s also intelligent. She’s not working in the corporate world, unlike me so she has this childlike view of the world and probably less work stress so she looks much younger than her age.

Initially she was looking for a place of her own, as she had been renting for years. After we got together, she stopped looking. I guess she was thinking there’s a chance we may settle down in the future.

Soon I found out she has been living on minimum wage since the start of her career. Actual fact she does not have money to buy even the cheapest hdb. I’m shocked that for someone who had worked for close to 20 years with little commitments, she can’t really support herself and still take an allowance from her parents. When we go out I’m usually paying most of the time which I don’t mind.

Initially my parents were polite to her until they found out about her age and job. They wanted me to find a younger, more highly educated woman with a better paying job as they felt my gf is a liability to me. Basically my parents look down on my gf after knowing more about her. I didn’t tell my parents my gf and I have no plans to have children as she also has fertility issues so I think that would make things worse.

I argued with my gf so many times over this as my gf felt its important that my parents accept her. I’ve also argued with my parents when they bring up the subject about my gf. I’m just so frustrated about the entire thing now. Why can’t I just continue to see my gf in peace? How do you cope in such a situation?

My girlfriend likes to spend alot of money but when it comes to me, she is reluctant to spend.

Every time we go out, she would always request that we go to a fancy restaurant or an expensive cafe. She would expect me to pay even though she makes more $$$ than me and has never split the bill with me.

I have highlighted this to her but she brushed it off, saying that I should dote on her. Is this a red flag? My parent has highlighted to me that they don’t fancy her because she spends alot of money on herself.

Here are what netizens think:

• The really issue is not only about how each spends or earns but the value of how they want to live lives.

• What seems like a red flag to you is merely a case of different living standards. She’s used to an extravagant lifestyle and has equally high standards for the guy she’s dating, and you simply can’t match up. You should be honest about your financial ability and break up if you both have such different expectations when it comes to spending. The girl deserves better and so do you.

• So her money is her money, your money is also her money? Not even married yet.

• She also equates spending money on her as loving and doting her? Later she start asking for gifts how? She need a richer bf. Dump her.

• You can easily tell where someone’s heart is by following the money trail. You mentioned that she spend alot on herself but non on you. That’s where her heart is. She loves herself more than you.

How to boost my gf’s self esteem and confidence

My gf and I are in our late 20s. From what I gather, since young she has this mentality where she feels like the whole world is constantly judging her, be it her actions, her dressing, basically just how people view her. I think it doesn’t help especially since her family likes to compare (which comes with alot of gossiping behind). On the other hand, my family is very welcoming and supportive so whenever she comes over (every week for dinner), she feels very bad which I will then reassure her.

She often says our families are very different and that I don’t understand how she feels but I just cannot understand why she feels so bad about herself and will constantly ask me if my family dislikes her.

From what I hear, her cousins and sibling earn more than she and I does. She hears this from her mum who seems to always “compare” her by repeatedly mentioning to her that her cousin A-Z are all very successful, or that her friend’s son earns alot etc, then afterwards gf’s mum will get my gf to agree with her that they are very outstanding. Time to time she just gets demoralized and compares herself to others alot when this kind of situation arises. I suggested and pushed my gf to voice out to her mum that she doesn’t like to be compared or hear about other people’s salaries which she did so and I believed it had stopped for quite awhile until…

She recently told me that her mum told her her sibling had also applied BTO but received rejection letter as the sibling and partner had exceeded the income ceiling.

So she’s back to self pitying and on a comparison spree again. How can I help my gf? She herself knows that life is not a race and she should feel happy for others but at the same time she still keeps comparing herself with others and now is even comparing me to others too. Any advice on how to get her to stop with such thoughts

My parents don’t write English well but my mum can somewhat read and speak it. We’re also not too well off when it comes to money barely having enough to pay bills and feed ourselves.

I generally manage everything from text messages to paying bills.

My mother currently does this carer job, not really contracted, and the main family went on holiday leaving this one guy from the extended family to take care of pay for the care workers. Everything was going somewhat smoothly until it came to salary. This guy would come up with every excuse in order to not pay any money, he eventually ended up paying everything to the other workers except my mother. When he said he said he’d pay he left on holiday for a week, and from what my mum tells me he is a real estate agent with a springing business.

In any case, he just came back from holiday and my mum asked me to text him to ask for the money. I was a bit angry at that point since this is $910 he hasn’t payed us. I tried to not make my tone angry but I was very blunt with my point, slightly demanding. My mum started accusing me off being rude with the little she could read worrying that he won’t pay us all the money.

The main family hasn’t offered to pay instead pressuring the guy to pay what’s left.

Can we retire the term “SPG”??!?!?!?

Had a pretty horrid experience today while on the MRT. I was taking my child to her play date today & there were a few supposedly local young men in the train carriage, one of whom cooed at my child in her pram, saying how cute she was (She is Eurasian as I married a Frenchman).

However as we were alighting, I overheard in earshot “Baby so cute, but mom is SPG.”. I wld have turned back & confront him if not for the closing doors.

I guess that was the hay that broke the camel’s back. Growing up I have always dated Caucasians & have to lived with the unfair judgement that I was an “SPG”. I was ridiculed for just wanting to date above my status in life? Is that so wrong? I don’t want my daughter to have to endure this too if she chooses to only exclusively date men who look like her father.

I realise all this hate & vitriol stems mostly from the patriarchal system with their fragile male egos who just lash out at us because we deem them less desirable than what others have to offer.

While we have a degrading term like SPGs to describe women like me (who just want love), we don’t have a similar phrase for old loser men who have Vietnamese brides or their Vietnamese women for that matter too?

Let’s face it, what the atypical local Singaporean male boy has to offer is rather dismal compared to Westerners (even including Western born Asians). All the more so that the majority of Westerners here are a cut above the rest from their home populations.

In terms of accent, charisma, height, intelligence, personality and most importantly manliness, it is unfortunate that there is just too much disparity to overcome. Contrary to what “woke” feminists say, we want our men to take care & provide for us. We want to desire our men for being men, not emasculated Mama’s boys who are basically push overs & don’t even get me started on their bedroom grade level. There is a reason why SG is a efficient sterile city, not a city for love like Rome or New York or London.

You cannot blame us Asian women for just having a justifiably preference for Westerners. If the reverse was true, that Western women desire Asian men, we would definitely cheer our Asian brothers on rather than lament on your desirability.

So while you SG boys try and fix your own insecurities, can we just retire the term “SPG” since it’s not only demeaning but really nobody holds Sarong Parties anymore.

I’m feeling so burned out from work.

I had came to a consensus with my manager previously for me to leave without having to serve my notice period but when I officially tendered my resignation, she changed her words and require me to serve my notice.

Unfortunately there’s no black and white when she said that as it’s a verbal agreement.

I’m dreading to even go to work and have panic attacks whenever i thought about going to work and feeling so depressed. I’m facing personal issues as well and shared with my manager but she’s nonchalant about it.

I’m required to pay my notice period but I do not have the money as when I tendered my resignation it was on the mind with the notice period being waived.

I dont know what to do now. I’m feeling so burned out and depressed and just feel like disappearing.

Netizens’ comments

1. Some people may actually take some MC nearer their last day. Or ask if you can clear your annual leave during the notice period.
2. Just turn up, do bare minimum and go home. You are not to take on any new work and just handover. This is expected of any notice period.
3. Mc

Going overseas for a holiday or staying in Singapore for a hotel stay is something most people don’t do on a regular basis and regular hotel stays are often done by the rich.

But a man got himself into debt after he decided to comply with his girlfriend’s monthly request to stay in a hotel.

Here is the story:

I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months now. She lives with her parents. We work at a company together.

Im a junior executive earning about $2.5k and she’s a temp worker. Anyways, she gets paid $10 an hour. We don’t get paid that good but enough to keep us going I guess. But I’ve started to notice that she spends alot of money on unnecessary things.

She has thousands in credit card debt. I’ve told her she shouldn’t use her credit cards so much because her payments are high and she’ll never stop owing money. She said she knows. But she continues to spend a lot.

So she sometimes rely on me to pay for stuff like meals or movies.

Here is the deal breaker, she demands that I go for monthly hotel staycations with her to relieve her stress.

I don’t mind if its a hotel 81 kind of budget but she demands for minimum Pan Pacific Hotel, she makes no effort to pay for the hotel and demands me to pay several hundred a night just for some hotel stay.

I am stuck as I really liked her but most of my friends told me that I will regret it and I will soon hate her for the way she behaves and spend money.

How can I convince my girlfriend to not so much of my money on hotels and instead just go for a nice meal?

Or should I just call it off with her.