My sister has a wedding coming up this summer. Its not a destination wedding, it will be in a local park/pavilion, she just told us about it recently and told us to expect the invitations, but we knew it was a possibility with as I heard recently her boyfriend asked our dad about how he would feel if they got married (essentially asking for her hand in marriage, old fashioned but I guess).

Well, when we received the invitations, it said this wedding will be “child free”. Once I got my invitation, I called my sister up just to discuss the wedding and give her my response by phone. I didn’t mention the child free part, just asked about the wedding and how her planning was going. She seemed excited, told me she can’t wait to be the “center of attention” on her special day. I congratulated her, but I told her as its child free and I have two sons, I wouldn’t be able to make it, I would send a gift with our parents though.

She kinda got upset and asked why I wasn’t going to come. I simply told her weddings are family events for me, and if its not a family event I don’t see the point (i.e. kids being allowed). Our parents are the important people to be there for her special day, so I don’t feel my presence is direly needed. My sister was very unhappy about this, she yelled that I never even tried to find babysitting or come to her wedding. She got angry because last year I attended our cousins wedding, and she feels hers should be more important and one I should want to attend.

Their wedding wasn’t child free, my kids were there, very well behaved and it was definitely a family event. I don’t feel that I should shell out money to have someone watch my kids, just to watch her get married and honestly I just don’t want to. I didn’t mention her changing the rule, I just told her I wouldn’t be attending. She got angry and is now involving my husband and parents in my decision, saying if I choose not to come she won’t speak to me again (her hill to die on, not my problem). My parents would like me to come just to keep the peace, and my husband says its really my decision and he backs me either way. Personally I don’t feel like an Asshole cause I’m not asking her to change anything, I’m just making a personal decision.

Would I be wrong for not attending?

My brother is in the middle of a very angry divorce.

He’s living at our parent’s house right now because he can’t afford a place on his own. The divorce is completely his fault. He blew money on stocks and bitcoin and other expensive stuff and took out loans and lines of credit in secret. He didn’t tell his wife and went so far as to show her false statements.

It didn’t work as well as it he thought because she figured it out and is divorcing him. But their house has been taken away by the bank and their savings were wiped. Noth of them applied for bankruptcy because my brother got them into massive debt on stocks and other wild out of control spending and finances.

His wife lost her job because bankruptcy is a negative in her industry. She’s living with her parents too and both of them are relying on legal aid and parents to help pay the legal fees for the divorce.

Normally I strive to ignore my brother but lately, he’s been saying it’s not his fault because the stock market is rigged and his wife should have paid more attention (he actively hid from her). The last time he said I said the entire divorce is his fault and he should apologize for destroying his wife’s life. He wasn’t pleased about it and the next time I saw him he spent the whole time trying to pick a fight with me.

He’s tried to get our parents involved too all because of how upset he is for me not agreeing with him.

Here is what netizens think:

 I believe this is financial infidelity and it’s 100% his fault. If he’d been sharing his financial decisions with her and they both decided to do it and then landed flat on their faces, that’s different. But he made this choices and now he’s trying to blame her for his mistakes.

I’m a day trader and invest in things here and there after my research. That’s not way to make money in crypto or any other market (the way your brother did)

The problem with a rule like that is that, in the very likely event he continues to poor-mouth his ex, the parents have to either go back on their word or throw away the perfectly calibrated support they’ve designed for their foolhardy but hopefully redeemable son.

A brief background – Im a senior manager and preparing to take over from one of the directors and take on their role.

Three months ago, I accepted the resignation of one of my staff members (29m), wished them well and prepared their exit interviews with HR. I had been having problems with him for a 6 months period. I’d given him a pay rise (2% increase to his salary), however, he had claimed this was not enough and he was looking to at least go up by 10%.

I had previously told him to put together a case that showcased why he was entitled to more pay. I would review it and make a decision. It’s worth noting that I do this with all my staff and we discuss formally pay-related queries and this exercise allows me to see this from my staff’s point of view.

Instead of doing as I asked, the staff member began posting reviews about the company and why we are bad to work for, including how we do not value colleagues and will not pay them for additional work (which is not true for my team).

As the colleague had raised other issues with HR, which he also commented on the reviews, we knew where this had come from. As this was supposed to be an anonymous review, we couldn’t bring this up with him.

As he hadn’t got a further pay rise on the back of his conversations with me, he decided it would be in his best interest to do minimal work, resulting in me taking on some of his workloads along with another member of my staff, this was so the profitability of the business didn’t drop.

Now to the AH issues

The day after I accepted the resignation of my staff member, I got a message on Facebook from his GF, telling me how much of an AH I was as I’d ruined their chances of buying a house as I’d accepted his resignation.

I clarified that I hadn’t fired him, he had resigned of his own will.

It turns out, he had handed in his resignation, thinking I would have offered him more money to stay. He didn’t have another job to go into.

He too, called me an AH, reported me to HR for not offering him extra money to keep him on. Of course, HR did nothing of this. He worked his notice and left the company on his leave date.

Yesterday, I got a message, asking if I would give him his job back. I explained why I wouldn’t give him his job back and told him we were not currently recruiting for my team and made a comment that there were always jobs in the call centre he could apply for.

He called me an AH, told me I had ruined his life and he couldn’t get another job.

I really don’t see myself as the AH here, I’m attempting to ensure the company I work for isn’t damaged, and the childish behaviour of “I’ll hand in my notice so I get a payrise” really doesn’t sit well with me. I’d rather my staff feel like they have earned what they get and feel like they’re growing, not just getting handouts.