Should I stay or go back?

Im married with a 3yo daughter but I’ve fallen for a married man who has a 10yo daughter. He still lives with the wife, but they’ve stayed separate room for more than 10 years. They don’t even talk now, basically 0 interaction. The reason they are still holding on is their child.

We are in r/s for almost 1year now, while I’m planning on divorce with my partner. For him, he said he will stay on until the child finish PSLE in 2yrs to minimise the impact on her.

His wife has been meeting another guy way before we are together. Went out dating during Covid restrictions, during weekend while he takes care of their daughter and even during valentines last month. She’s not working but supported by the husband since they are married. Unlimited spending on ccard, monthly allowance and shopping spree. While he’s not well to do, he tried to support her spending even until his saving dried up.

She takes care of the daughter during weekday, cooks dinner for her but did not cook for the husband. she’s quite a control freak as well, dictating how the husband and kid should live everyday.

For me, I’ve been with my partner for more than 14years since study. He was abusive previously, with few incidents becoming violent, hitting me until I bled, called police. But since I walked out from the house and stay alone, he really did changed and been trying very hard to get me back. Sending food to my office, bought me flowers and care for me through calls and messages. He also takes care of our daughter very well on his own now. Basically a changed man.

Now I’m in a dilemma if I should go back to my husband or stay in this r/s. I feel that I’ve lost the feeling and love for my husband but he’s now really a caring father and husband. Will he change again if I go back? And what ever he is doing now is just wayang to get me back?

I really love my bf. We talked about future together, and shared with each other our daily lives. He was my supervisor, and after we are together, he found another job for me so we won’t be working in the same company. He’s 10yrs older than me but this makes our r/s very matured, not the lovey dovey couple kind. However this also gives me doubt if he’s just looking for someone to be at his side to take care of his child once he’s divorced, and not really because he loves me.

I met his daughter many times and she really likes me too, even told me I’m like her mother, and better. I can sense that she has a lot of resentment towards her mother. Only 10yo, yet she ever asked the father to divorce the mom and wanna stay with the dad. However, my bf has no interest about my daughter at all. This makes me hesitated. When we’re discussing about future, my daughter was never mentioned.

Am I considered a homewrecker?

they already have their issue before I’m in the picture, but I still feel the guilt everytime I see their daughter. I also feel sorry towards my own daughter for leaving her. Im in such a mess. A failure in life. What should I do?

How to deal with my colleague

I’ve been really troubled and stressed by colleague A’s recent behaviour.

Long backstory, but basically he has previously accused me of intentionally trying to leave him out of group activities, even though it is not the case.

For example, when colleague B asked me out for lunch with other colleagues (all known to colleague A, but he was not included), I accepted.

Colleague A found and accused me of purposely ostracising him. I explained that I was invited by colleague B, and it was not in my position to ask others to join.

I’m someone who rarely ever initiates group lunches (tbh I prefer eating alone), and imo it wasn’t a department lunch, just an informal impromptu lunch with ppl from diff teams, so there was no need to call the whole world to attend??

For context, colleague A and I have known each other for a really long time (we entered the company around the same time) and have been on good terms.

I’m wondering whether he is expecting me to be his “bff” at work and to always hang out with him / have his back?…. Which I have no desire to do.

I’m more of a friendly loner, can get along with most ppl but no desire to be particularly close to anybody or be “affiliated” to a certain clique.

The above is just one in a looong line of incidents where he has accused me of various similar issues. It’s affecting me quite a fair bit….

I feel like I can’t hang out with people freely (even tho they are the ones who invited me) without the risk of offending him and him throwing his tantrums at me (lots of paggro / micro-aggresions..)

I keep telling myself that I’m not answerable to him for what I choose to do or who I hang out with at work, but I’m still quite stressed about interacting with him even for work purposes.

Sigh

When is too much anxiety bad?

I’ve recently been having issues with my job which causes me to have anxiety attacks on Sunday (due to the fear of being unable to perform at work which has been highlighted several times by my boss).

It started small like my hand trembles slightly when my supervisor is watching me do whatever it is we need to do and it has since evolved into transient hyperventilation and severe trembling whenever I’m at work being supervised.

I’ve been told that I’m just being a strawberry and that being anxious to perform at my first job is normal so I’ve just kept it bottled in but I want to know (in your opinion) when the tipping point is where it is no longer a matter of nerves but damaging to me in the long run.

Also, I’ve been considering resignation (already told my boss my intentions and shes been pressuring me to leave ever since) because of this but since its my first job and everything, I’m trying to hold on to it as long as I can until I find a suitable job (if not, I’ll have to explain why I left to my next employer).

Netizens’ comments

1. For me, any health issue that is able to significantly impact your quality of life and performance, you should get it check it out.
   Since you have stated it affected both mentally and physically, you have already have cross the tipping point.
2. I’ve always had issue with excess sweating on my palms. I’m 29yo and am currently working in my first mnc and white collared job. In the past, if I’m sweaty I can brush it off as my job being physical etc.
   For the first 2 months in my current job, my palms will sweat so bad such the table will be visibly wet when I lift my hands up. It was so bad that I had to hold a serviette in my hand in case anyone offered to shake my hand (I shake the hands of 2 poor guy and they must’ve noticed how sweaty my palms were fml).
   I pitied the person who called you strawberry. They often must offend people without realizing. These are also the kind of people who’ve no idea why they can’t get into deep bonds with their friends or family.
3.  have super sweaty palms too and feet. My feet is the slip off my slippers kind of sweaty. If there’s a need to shake hands just wipe your hands on your shirt or pants before. Mine isn’t due to anxiety though just happens randomly.

Mom (64F) was diagnosed with cancer, LDR gf (28F) angry I (32M) am spending so much time with family

My gf (28F) and I (32M) have been together for about 2.5 years, we took a trip to see each other recently. Shortly after our trip my mom (64F) was diagnosed with cancer.

Last week things took a turn and my mom ended up in the hospital, I was exhausted physically and emotionally trying to support her and balance work at the same time. I did speak to my GF the night she was admitted and told her what was going on, she was supportive at that time.

She just got out of the hospital, this weekend my siblings and I moved her into my sister’s spare bedroom. I called my GF on Saturday morning but she was upset saying she would have preferred to speak later in the day.

Of course this was not possible as I was expecting to be moving things and then helping my mom get setup and comfortable. I promised her we could talk at length on Sunday. I passed out around 8pm, feeling exhausted and just hurting over the situation in general. It’s tough to see how quickly my mom’s health has declined.

I woke up to a text from my GF saying she was very sad we could not talk in the evening. I wrote her back right away and said I was sorry I had so much going on but would love to talk also. I told her my plans for the day and said I would be free later as we had discussed. I also asked how she was feeling as she had recently come down with a cold.

I got no response. 7 hours later she texted saying it sucked I didn’t call and she thought we would talk today. I responded right away and told her I thought she must have been busy and that I was free to chat, and gave her a call. She texted back she was busy and would call in 30.

When she called, she was immediately upset that I “did not text her more.” This really confused me as she did not respond to what I said? I expressed that I felt this did not make sense, she became angry and started yelling saying that obviously I am less affected by our lack of conversation lately.

I told her this was not true and really wanted to catch up, and asked her to do so with me. She accused me of minimizing her feelings. Said she wanted to hear me apologize for not communicating.

I told her I was really hurting and could use her support, but she told me she was too hurt by what I had done to be there for me. It made my head spin.

How was I to know she wanted me to text more while she said nothing? What sense does that make? How could she be this upset about that?

I talked to her for two hours. Near the end I wanted to cry, I had spent all day feeling awful about my family and whole life being turned upside down. She continued to refuse to talk to me about that when I would try and ask.

Eventually I told her that I would need to take a break from speaking with her if I would need to fight her and this situation in my life, she told me she was certain I didn’t care about her feelings and hung up on me.

I don’t know what to do. Obviously I am in a rough state right now but I am failing to see how I deserved to be treated this way for not continuing to text her after she saw it and chose not to answer? Certainly she is allowed to feel like it sucks I have been communicating less but isn’t that somewhat understandable given the circumstance?

How do I communicate that this is unhealthy and I feel uncared for? I don’t understand why she was so upset when I was ready to talk and trying to give her the thing she was asking for.

I [31M] want to divorce my wife [37F] but she has no job or money and can’t afford rent without me… How do I leave?

I’ll keep this short: been married for 4 years, I’ve wanted to leave for the past 3 years but have stayed with her out of guilt.

She recently got fired and she has about $20k in credit card debt. I have an average job, no debt but also no savings.

I have tried so hard to pay off her credit card but any money I give her either gets spent on food, alcohol, luxuries or interest. None of it actually goes towards paying off the principle. I’m so mad because I told her not to get any credit cards in the first place… I knew this would happen!

We’ve had many conversations about divorce and every time she promises to change her drinking and spending habits – then a few weeks later she’s back to her old self.

I really want to divorce her, but I feel too guilty leaving her out on the street with nothing. She needs me to survive.

How do I actually leave her?

Edit: I’m kind of tired of giving her more chances… All it does is delay the inevitable.

I already know how this scenario will play out: we’ll go to a professional counselor and they’ll suggest ways to improve. She’ll agree to everything. She’ll stick to it for a week or so, then gradually fall back into her old habits…

Meanwhile I’m spending money on this counselor and missing out on the opportunity to work overtime shifts – both of which are exacerbating our debt.

This just means more pain, more debt, and more years of our life wasted. Why can’t I just be 100% sure I want a divorce and just do it?

The good thing is we have no major assets under our names. We don’t own a house or car. We don’t have kids.

We’re currently on a rent contract which is due to expire in 2 months – I was hoping to find her a new place to live on her own before our current rent contract expires and we’re forced to sign another.

I’m honestly happy to pay off half her $20k credit card debt even if I’m not legally responsible for it – I just feel guilty for abandoning her. And I still care for her.

But I know I need to leave her because I’ll never be happy with her.

Netizen’s comments

I think you need to discuss this with a qualified therapist but there’s a level if manipulation here. First stop giving her money if you know she’ll waste it. Second explain to her she has to get a job. Check your credit. Have her sit with a financial counselor. Tell her she has to get therapy. If you want to pay anything for her then pay it directly to the company.

Put some type of deadline on this even if it’s internal. But I do think you need professional guidance here. Not only to stop enabling her but to help her help herself

I got fired… for dropping ice cream

I worked at a ice cream shop and had been working here for 2 months and everything was going smoothly. Today as I was scooping ice cream for a customer, I accidentally dropped it.

My manager later came and asked to come to his office. I was fired on the spot.

He said something along the lines of “our ice cream is too expensive and we can not risk losing them” so he fired me instead. Like wtf??

Ice cream here costs $5 a scoop. It is not f-g expensive. And fired for a simple and common mistake like dropping an ice cream? Am I overthinking??

Netizens’ comments

1. Manager almost certainly wanted to fire you before you dropped the ice cream. I can’t say why that might be, but I’m certain the dropped ice cream was just an excuse.
2. I’ve never seen a restaurant where some food doesn’t get spilled, it’s inevitable until they repeal the law of gravity.
3. Sometimes people are just looking for an excuse, instead of admit that they can’t afford to pay staff, because their business isn’t going great.
   One of my kids got fired literally a week after they were given a raise and a promotion. Business was owned by a couple. Wife worked the books, husband ran the kitchen. The husband gave a raise and promotion to my kid. I don’t think he talked about it with his wife (who handled the money), and as soon as she got that promotion/raise, suddenly everything she did was wrong. She couldn’t do anything right.
   Instead of admitting that he made a hasty decision without talking his his accountant/wife first, he kept criticizing everything she did, and fired her.
   I’ll bet their business isn’t that profitable, so they fired you over a scoop of ice cream instead of saying ” we can’t afford to pay all our staff, and have to make cuts somewhere”.
4. In comparison, I once broke a 3k dollar door and my boss said F man that sucks. I’ll order a new one tomorrow. Try not to break that one. Your boss wanted to fire you from the get go.

19F best friend of 5 years had a hookup and expects me 19M best friend to be involved if pregnancy arrises

For context, my best friend who is a girl recently had a hookup for the first time. She told me all about it as we are honest with each other and have been friends for roughly 5-6 years.

We are not romantically involved, nor have we ever been up to this point. I will say that we both have deep feelings for each other & could see that down the road. But what she told me earlier has me genuinely speechless.

She is afraid she might get pregnant from the experience. Nonetheless, she told me that “we could raise the baby together” if she does become pregnant, in fact. She told me I would be a “good father.”

I am genuinely pretty open, and try not to judge…but I cannot wrap my head around this one. I have not said anything because I feel as if she is trying to make sense of the situation herself.

She used me as an excuse to see this guy (who she barely knows) several times to her parents (who trust me.) I confronted her about this, and she finally told them the truth about this guy. They were understanding but didn’t appreciate her lie about me.

Now with this, considering I’m not involved, I’m not too stressed. I’m left feeling deserted and used? You don’t treat friends that way anyway. Definitely not someone you think “highly of.” I guess that would be the best way to describe the feeling.

I’m not mad about her exploring or having relations with other guys either. I just hate feeling like our deep friendship, to her, is always a “backup” plan if all other relationships fail for her.

If she cares about me to see me in that role in her future, this is a poor way of showing it. I have been there for her during challenging times, but I could not be apart of a potential child’s life (that is not mine) and immediately step into a boyfriend/husband/father role for the consequence of her actions.

I don’t want to ruin our friendship and I do think highly of her. But a situation like this would ruin or dim any prospects of me being with her romantically when we are older.

I just don’t know why she would even say that? We are 19 years old and have a whole life ahead of us. I have dreams and goals, so does she. None of that involves a child right now. Especially not the expectation I would be involved if her “baby daddy” would probably not be.

She has morals that differ from mine and will not terminate the pregnancy if she does in fact become pregnant. Totally fine. But I don’t see how she thinks I would do that and be some sort of hero guy for her. I am a good person, but I will not ruin the rest of my life for something I 100% had no part to play in.

My husband (34M) was scammed online for 11K and now I (29F) am thinking we need to divorce to protect my own financial security

We have had an open relationship due to incompatibility. We have been married almost 7 years. My husband (34M) has never really seen anyone outside the relationship, but started using a dating app a month ago and met a woman on it who scammed him out of $11K in an internet cryptocurrency scheme.

I (29F) have been considering divorce for some time, but after seeing how careless and dishonest he is with our money, I am now thinking I will need to divorce him to protect my own financial stability.

I had been fretting about the deposit to a divorce lawyer, but now that seems like an amount of money he/we could clearly live without.

My husband also now claims he won’t try and date anyone anymore, but I do not want to close the relationship, especially given the fact that he has lost my trust.

Any advice is appreciated.

Netizens’ comments

1. Obviously your desire to divorce him pre-dates him getting scammed so just divorce him. I’d be more concerned with his ability to navigate the world if he is this easily scammed out of that much money.
2. An open relationship doesn’t mean an open wallet. The problem wasn’t that he tried to date but that he lost 11k without discussing it with you first. I’d divorce him because he’s just too dumb.
3. Money issues aside there is definitely more to this story than you’re letting on. Why not just divorce before starting this open marriage mess?
4. If you don’t trust him, already wanted to divorce and he has now been scammed due to carelessness then just divorce him. Separate your finances, divorce and be on your way to someone more financially responsible.
5. Stop dragging it out looking for more excuses to leave. You want to leave, that’s enough reason. Also it’s cruel to continue letting him go on thinking yall are happy and staying together. Call it off for both your sakes.