I am in my first job after close to 3.5 years and I wanted to quit badly. I need to know how do I resign without appearing confrontational.

Working in a tech sector and as a regulator is probably one of the best places to be in right now. However, I felt that my ties with my supervisor is getting from bad to worse. It’s either a case which she doesn’t understand what I said, or to simply micromanaged me, which I think it’s a blatant act of mistrust in me.

Just today, I said something and she gaslighted me by rolling her eyes.

The workplace is good, offering lots of skills upgrading and I guess that’s the reason why I persisted on. However, I don’t see myself staying there for long. I am probably just got to endure through this tech recession while using the company’s resources to upskill myself. To be honest, skills are something people will never be able to take away from you.

I intend to apply for an internal transfer or to simply leave the public sector for a job, even if I have to settle for a pay cut than to have my lifespan cut short.

I am wondering if is it a must to speak to my supervisor before I tender my resignation? Or do I just simply submit a resignation to HR and just inform her after I am done? And how do I do it without being confrontational?

Thoughts?

Here are what netizens think:

• I would just send an email to my superior and cc HR – to tender my resignation. You are not obligated to give a reason for the resignation, as long as you fulfil the notice period (eg. One / two months notice). Put an effective date/ or last day of service. I would not put my (real) reason for resignation. And I won’t burn my bridges. The world is small, if you get to another similar industry or one day, you may meet again some time in the future, so you don’t want to put a barricade in your future path. Just my thoughts.

• If you have made the decision to leave, then the best thing to do is to draft a simple resignation letter and first inform your boss and then send to her and HR. Do not need to state reasons like cannot stand your boss etc, just keep it professional as 1. Never burn bridges, and 2. Your boss still need to handle your exit matters, including your time during notice period and approve leave clearing, or even last pay etc. You do not need to state any personal reasons, or if you really feel the need to, can do so during the exit interview with HR on your last day, or leave glassdoor review / submit feedback after leaving.

• I have come to realize that when one has decided to resign, there is no point persuading them to stay. Because they would already have deliberated about it for a long time (relative to the person’s perspective) before making the final decision. When I was planning to leave my job/s, I planned my exit carefully. Because I knew that I was really determined to leave and even if I were to ask to stay, things will never change and I will be going through the same vicious cycle.

Would boyfriend feel like they got ‘no face’ with girlfriend who earns much more than him?

I’m earning almost 5x of what he’s earning now. One of the reasons behind this is because he’s earning in IDR, while I’m earning SGD, tho we both share similar lifestyle and I am very thrift, I’m afraid that the income gap might be a factor that leads to the failure of this relationship.

He struggled to find a job in sg as an Indonesian and got no intention to work in sg in the near future , while I’m not sure if I am willing to give up my (comparably) high pay job to relocate to Indonesia.

Does it matter?

• My wife earns quite a bit more than I do. I have an awesome, capable wife. Any guy that feels insecure that their partner earns more (and vice-versa) needs to learn to put their pride aside and just be happy for them lol

• To me this appears the opposite: Seems like you do mind that he is earning less than you. For a woman it’s nothing wrong with thinking this way (don’t feel guilty, it’s hypergamy and it’s natural to think this way) and it’s a serious consideration if you want to see anything long-term with a male partner. Dark and contrarian opinion: change boyfriend, date someone who earns more than you or is better than you in areas that matter to you.

• Sounds more like this is a ‘you’ problem and what’s more thrifty than relocating and retiring in Indonesia. Better you seek out someone that earns similar or a higher-paid man and don’t waste his time.

• Just like some guys don’t mind their gf taller than them and some do. How would we know what your bf is thinking? Learn to be a better partner. Have an honest and open conversation with him about your thoughts instead of assuming this and that.

• I don’t think salary issue is bigger than long distance relationship. Long distances relationship always has a limit. Maybe yours already hit the limit…..

Asking on behalf of someone I know.

A guy (let’s call him B) aged late-30s to 40s from another department kept texting his younger female colleague (someone I know – we shall call her A) for explicit pics, which of course she ignored, and got scolded by him. He said he loves smooth and fair-skinned chinese girls.

He also apparently sent her d pics (which he said “sent you my 7-inch pic already and you ignored?”) but she didn’t see the pictures. She has either been ignoring him or told him to stop it and to respect her many times but to no avail.

In the past, he will give remarks when she wears a dress to office about her legs and would Skype her “I wonder how wild can you be”.

This has been going on since Jul 2022, but A kept quiet, as she needed to liaise with him for work-related matters. He is the main person in his team.

She is contemplating reporting him to HR but fear retaliation by him like taking revenge and hurting her.

Incidentally, A isn’t his first target. Another chinese girl reported him but he is still in the company. Shockingly, he was still promoted even after the incident!

What should she do?

Here are what netizens think:

• 1. Collect evidence discreetly. Record his comments, save screen prints of the inappropriate sexual advances.
  2. Go to police and HR with all the evidences.
  3. Men who doesn’t know how to stay out of other people’s comfort zone and boundaries, need to be taught a lesson.

• 1. Report police First
  2.then report to HR WITH THE POLICE REPORT. This is the only way to make HR take action coz sadly sg hr wont do f all until they are cornered.

• If she kept the evidence, criminal charges can be pressed. You can see how unrepentant B is…kena complained once before and still doing this. Getting away with it hasn’t made him wiser…it’s emboldened him. If she doesn’t enforce her boundaries, working there may very well become untenable pretty soon.

• If this is civil service, just air it out with real evidence on social media. Create a separate account and blow it on twitter or something. I’ll be sitting her with pop corn.

Is it a red flag if the potential employer wasn’t able to match just a 3% counter offer? I received a job offer with a 15% increase from my current salary.

They use my current salary as a benchmark (I verbally communicated my current package since they said it was mandatory as intent to offer).

It is a different industry, the role is largely similar but a more senior title. After research, new offer was slightly below market average so I requested for a mere 3% extra. HR said Hiring Manager declined and said the initial offer of 15% hike is their best offer.

I felt disappointed that they aren’t able to even match this. It’s my first time negotiating an offer as I do not want to feel shortchanged again after my previous experiences.

Am I expecting too much and should just accept?

Netizens’ comments

1. I don’t think you know what the word counteroffer means.
2. No it’s not. They can reject your counter offer. 15% is decent. If you are not happy you can reject their offer
3. Well, with the economy being s*it, i myself also took a job with 0% increment albeit i was jobless la. But its your choice.
4. Its disappointing but not a red flag.

How to negotiate for a better job offer

When you feel confident about your skillset and you’re ready to take the next step in your career, negotiating for a better paying job offer is essential. Negotiating gives you the opportunity to make sure you’re compensated fairly for the job you’re doing, and it can be a great way to maximize your earning potential.

Before entering into any negotiation, it’s important to do your research. Take the time to understand the current market rate for your position, as well as the salary range for similar positions in the same industry. This will help you know when it’s time to push for a higher salary and which points are worth negotiating for.

Once you have a good understanding of the market rate and salary range, it’s time to start negotiating.

Be confident:
Don’t be afraid to stand your ground and ask for what you’re worth. Employers respect confident candidates who know the value of their skills and are willing to negotiate.

Be prepared to compromise:
If a higher salary isn’t possible, consider negotiating for other benefits such as additional vacation time or a flexible work schedule.

Be professional:
No matter how much you may want to get the best job offer possible, it’s important to remain professional during negotiations. Keep your tone polite and avoid making personal attacks.

Be patient:
Negotiations can take some time, so be patient and don’t rush into any agreements.

Finally, remember that negotiating for a better paying job offer is a process and it takes time. Be prepared to make compromises and take your time to ensure you get the best possible offer.