I 25M Can’t afford my 26F Girlfriend

This is the second relationship I’ve been in so I don’t really have much to compare this to.

What I’m used to: With my ex we would plan on where to go and that would be it, and honestly she didn’t eat a lot so I didn’t have to worry about that either. We’d both order 1 main dish and maybe an appetizer wherever we went.

Now: Last time we went out my current gf ordered the most expensive item on the menu, two appetizers, dessert, a specialty drink, and then she wanted to go to a cafe next where she ordered another specialty item and I didn’t order anything for myself. She likes to go out for dessert after we go out for dinner.

Or we’d plan to go out to eat or something or do only 1 thing. Then after that’s over she’d suggest something else that would definitely cost money, but I’m too egotistical or whatever to tell her I can’t afford it and so I take her.

How do I explain to her that I need to be mindful of that sort of thing without making her feel like she has to “watch herself” or she can’t be excited about eating certain things or going to certain places. I also don’t want to come off as broke. I don’t want her to look at me in a different light but I’m spending wayy more on dates than I thought I ever would and I’m honestly scared to go out again.

Other info: We’ve been seeing each other for about 4 months. I also go see her/surprise her at her job sometimes which is an hour a way. I KNOW for a fact she cares about me and wants to be with me.

Netizens’ comments

Stop paying for everything and just pay for your own bits if she starts being reckless with the menu. especially the second place where you didn’t even get anything, why did you even offer to get the tab (or did she just hand it to you)?

It’s 2023, men are not expected to always pick up the tab for every dinner and event, if you want to then do, but don’t feel like you are forced to.

Sounds like she’s just taking advantage of you for your wallet to me. Step back, make her pick up a few tabs, that will show you whether she is interested in you or is just looking for a free meal. If she actually likes you for you, then this shouldn’t be an issue.

Is my 25M gf 22F selfish in bed?

I (25) started dating this girl (22) about three months. I really like her and she likes me a lot too. She has introduced me to her family and she pays a lot of attention to me. The relationship is great overall except the part where we get it on in bed. It’s not that it is bad, I just feel like it’s one sided most of the time.

I have learned the things she enjoy in bed and I have put an effort to please her. For example, she likes getting eaten out, she likes being fingered from the back and she likes a lot of foreplay. Every time we have intercourse I put an effort on satisfying and making her orgasm no matter what.

However, I feel like she has put no effort whatsoever in pleasing me. She has given me head once. And that was because I asked her and I noticed she didn’t like it. She has never ever done it again. She doesn’t like doggystyle, which I like, claiming it hurts her. I stopped doing it because of that. All she does really is laying down and letting me play with her and then I get on top or she gets on top to finish. She has so many limitations that I don’t even try to do anything at this point.

I brought the issue up to her… in a relatively passive way. I told her I wanted her to let me know the things she likes, the ones she don’t, the positions she prefers so we can improve. She has said she has a ‘wild side’ about her but she doesn’t want to show me it because she thinks I might stop liking her. I told her not at all.

Another example I can remember; not too long she slept at my place and she wanted to get intimate early in the morning. I was still sleeping and she woke me up to do it. It was hard for me to just go at it since I was really still sleepy. I fell back asleep but maybe after an hour I fully woke up and we did it.

Later on she told me she felt rejected. But I told her I didn’t want to reject her. I was really tired and sleepy and as she can see we ended up doing it anyway. But I also told her maybe if she had tried to entice me, maybe playing with my manhood a little bit would have woken me up and this way I would have been excited right away. But all she wanted to do was waking me, probably eat her out and then get on top. There is nothing exciting about that.

The other night we were doing it in bed and like usual I got on top; it got so boring that stopped. I told her I wasn’t feeling well. I think she knew it’s because of what we had discussed before. She started crying and saying that she thinks I am gonna stop liking her or cheat on her if she doesn’t like the things I like. I told her no… I wouldn’t do that. I like her for more than just what we do on the bed. All I wanted is for us to both enjoy it. I don’t have any weird fetish. I just want her more engaged during it.

I also recently asked some questions about about why she doesn’t like giving head. She said she doesn’t like foreign liquid in her mouth and it grosses her out. Then I asked her if she, hypothetically, would eat herself out seeing that she likes when i do it. She said she wouldn’t do it. So pretty much she wouldn’t do to herself what she wants me to do for her. I find that extremely self serving.

I guess my point is, she never does anything for me. She just want me to eat her out and get on top of her. It’s starting to make me resentful of her. If you want me to eat you out… at least return the favor. And so far she has shown no desire to do so

my (ftm18) boyfriend (m18) broke down about me not liking his singing voice

we’ve been dating for 5 months. a few days ago, while i was super drunk, my boyfriend had a complete breakdown, sobbing for at least two hours straight, about me not liking his singing voice.

he’s not a good singer and he starts singing at me (typically very annoying songs) at random times, sometimes even in the middle of conversations.

when he asks for my input, i dont sugar coat things, but i give him honest and constructive feedback. my biggest interest is music and i rate/review music for fun, so i’m particularly turned off by bad music (i’m also autistic and have sensory issues, which probably plays in).

he claimed that he’s been trying to practice and get better for me so he can sing me songs and we can sing together (i’m decently good at singing and he likes my voice).

he thinks it’s some sort of common relationship thing? he claims that his roommates have asked him to sing for them (which is most definitely a lie. he has issues with compulsive lying).

the worst part about all of this is because i was drunk, i wasn’t thinking right, so i just took the blame and apologized profusely instead of sharing my side.

he said purposely brought it up and subsequently had the breakdown while i was drunk because it would make me more chill about it.

i’ve been trying SO hard to be nice to him after that about his voice, but it seriously can be insufferable for me.

what do i even do about this?

TLDR: boyfriend broke down about me not liking his singing voice and now i have to put up with insufferable singing and an expectation to give feedback. i need it to stop but don’t know how to address it.

INSURANCE COMPANY PAID FOR GUY’S SURGERY, THEN SAYS IT WAS A “MISTAKE” & ASKED HIM TO PAY BACK

Insurance company asked for refund. What do I do?

I am a current uni student and have been diagnosed with a medical condition which requires me to undergo surgery recently.

For my surgery, I previously asked for pre-authorisation from my medical insurance but initially due to not having sufficient documentation from my attending doctor and some confusion from the insurer’s part, the pre-authorisation didn’t go through and so I went for my surgery without the backing of my insurance.

After my insurance I sought for another letter from my attending doctor and this time they approved the claim and paid me back the money for the surgery.

But a week later, the company suddenly emailed me and asked for a refund citing that they have paid me “mistakenly” and the reason was my treatment was under an exclusion clause.

For context, I have a previous medical history of an endocrine condition that is completely separate and unrelated to my surgery, and unfortunately treatment for the endocrine condition was excluded under the policy.

I think it was because this endocrine condition was detailed in my doctors letter which have made them mistakenly think that I was seeking to claim for my endocrine condition.

After clarifying with them that I was claiming for surgery and NOT my endocrine condition they still insisted that I refund them the money while they continue to ‘investigate’ and I just got really worried whether insurance companies are allowed to demand money back from people anytime after the claim was approved and whether they have the right to do so (meaning if I ever get another surgery would they suddenly ask for a repayment a few years later???).

And also possibly wondering why they approved the claim if it was not finalised and then demand for the sum back.

The issue i have now is I don’t come from a well to do financial background so while to the insurers and most redditors here I believe it rly is not that big of a sum of money, I immediately used a large portion of the sum to offset my surgery fees when they transferred the sum to me .

Little did I know that situations like an insurance calling for a refund is even possible. After speaking to others they told me that debt collectors (??) may come after me if I don’t pay up as soon as possible or even get myself into a possible lawsuit??

So I am now really anxious if that will really happen and in the mean time I’m trying to get the sum back as of now.

Sorry for the lack of knowledge here as I am rather new to insurance policies. Is there any official outlet or ministry I can contact for help about this? Thanks for the help in advance!!

How do I tell my partner of 2 years that he has always been bad in bed?

My partner and I have been together for a little over two years. We recently had a baby and I’ve only just been cleared to resume normal physical bedroom activities.

The initial warning sign was that I was very unexcited about this. My partner had been talking about it for a couple of weeks and was very much looking forward to it. I was worried it was going to hurt and expressed this to my partner.

Having a newborn has left us pretty tired, so it wasn’t until a couple of days after I was cleared that he tried have intercourse with me.

Essentially, I was asleep and he started to touch me and try to take off my pants (note: no penetration occurred before I was fully conscious – and I know he would have stopped if I asked him to).

This was something that happened a lot earlier in our relationship and it never bothered me, but last night I just didn’t feel into it. I went along with it anyway because I knew how much he was looking forward to us getting intimate again.

It was awkward and clunky. There were times it was uncomfortable and even painful for me, but he didn’t seem to notice. He finished and just collapsed back down into the bed and went to sleep. There was no foreplay, he pulled me onto my knees almost immediately because he can only come in doggy, and he didn’t even cuddle me after.

I’ve been quite sore today and have had a little bit of bleeding. It stings when I pee, which I think is from damaged skin – he spent a decent amount of time trying to find my vag and was jamming his D into everywhere else.

Unfortunately, this isn’t unusual. I think we fell into that pattern quickly and I didn’t really notice until we had this big break from it. He’s never really been that “giving” in the department and he says that’s because I don’t come often. He says he knows he is great in bed and has never had trouble “getting previous partners to come before.” Basically, it is all about him coming, and I’m really noticing the lack of intimacy in the lead up, during and after we have PIV.

I don’t know how to bring this up with him without hurting his feelings or him becoming defensive. We’re not going to be in a position to “spice things up” for a little while as it’ll be a few months until our baby is in a more predictable sleep routine and we’re both pretty tired most of the time. Do I just go through the motions with him until then?

My BF [M29] said he had a business trip and turned out to be a vacay with his female boss, and he thinks I’m [F27] overreacting

Long story short, last week my bf went on a business trip. I was aware of this since the beginning of the month, he said it was an important project etc.

He’s been there since Friday, but we got into a fight last night because he told me to call him and he said to do so later because he was listening to music getting ready, and when we called me he said they were going dinner and see the sunset after, and I asked who? And he said, “Emma (his boss) and I” and I was like ??? That sounds more like a date to me.

Things escalated to the point where he told me they were staying at the same suite together but separate rooms and later on texted him explaining while I felt upset but if they had unlimited budget for the trip why he didn’t pick s complete separate room

Turns out is because the job was cancelled but Emma wanted to go anyways and they went together, she paid for everything and said it was to celebrate his anniversary at his job. And they did minimal work . I suppose remote but it was to justify the expenses At this point I was infuriated

He said it was more a vacay than a work trip but he didn’t know until they were about to leave…

And I told him that was trip was like a sugar Momma pays for everything kind of trip because that’s exactly what happened and he knew and went along with it and never said anything about it .

I’m upset, hurt and so pissed I want to break up because now every single time he goes on a trip with her I’m gonna be overthinking and that’s not a way of living for me.

He’s just saying like wtf I do respect you , she’s just my boss but I think I’m on the whole reason to be mad here. He comes back tomorrow

EDIT: on how the problem developed since this morning

I want to give more context. This is a family business. These people are old money. The owners are Emma’s parents. They’re kinda old people and she’s maybe 40 something. I’ve met all of them twice .The owners have asked me before along with him to go on a small trip so I never felt bad vibes coming from none of them neither from Emma. So when some people tell me to tell HR I don’t know how that would really change anything since the owners are literally her parents and they knew they went there.

I was aware of this trip as the other one they made a few weeks ago but he withheld a lot of info about things that changed regarding the trip and the project they were gonna do I was completely unaware of. Which indeed turn into more of a vacation.

I blocked him on literally everything and told him to get his keys and stuff with his neighbor he then called me from another number later on today and trying to explain himself. He did admit that it was inappropriate doing so but he didn’t think anything about it since he and Emma and the family are friends. He asked me to make it right but I told him but he broke my trust and I couldn’t keep living thinking and not trusting him every single time now when she travels with her.

he told me he would be willing to tell the owners that for future travels not to go with her or only male coworkers or even bring me with him to make it right and told me that if he was in my shoes he woulda felt weird out about me going with another men on a trip.

I haven’t changed my mind about the break up. I told him that was a break up for me and what he said didn’t change a thing. I have had toxic relationship in the past and sometimes when you forgive and give second chances only opens the door for more disrespect in the future.

My fiance asks my permission before jerking off, and I’m apparently very into it.

It happens occasionally. I feel a little bad for being turned on by it, because I know why he asks. His longest relationship besides me wasn’t great, and his girlfriend got mad at him for jacking it instead of sleeping with her.

I tell him every single time that he doesn’t have to ask my permission, but I can’t help but find it adorable, endearing, and very arousing.

I feel bad because he asks so earnestly, but it’s also BECAUSE he asks so earnestly that it’s as hot as it is.

I may be ruining my own fun, here, but I think it’s more important for him to feel comfortable with me than to get my rocks off being turned on by something that I didn’t even know I liked in the first place.

But yeah, he asks my permission to get off, and my heart does little backflips. He lets me watch, and I usually get a mouthful of come out of it, so like, no downsides at all.

Eventually it’s gonna get through to him that I will NEVER get upset at him for satisfying his own needs, and then maybe I’ll tell him I find it arousing and we can play with it more, but I’m gonna keep enforcing that he doesn’t have to ask, no matter how much I enjoy it.

I feel like an a-hole for liking it, but whatever. For now it’s enjoyable.

Older woman (80) paying me $2400 a month to live with her. I’m a 28 y/o male

I’ll try to keep this short, but long enough that you understand the dynamic of our relationship. I met her 5 years ago serving tables.

My mother, grandmother, and great grandmother had all passed away that year and my grandmother was a week prior to meeting this woman.

When I met her I broke down and told her how she reminded me of my grandma to which she replied “Well I can be your work grandma from now on.”

5 years later she still comes to the bar where I work to see me once sometimes twice sometimes 3 times a week. She is very sweet and she adores me. Almost like an obsession. Today she said she didn’t even want to sleep with me because it would ruin our friendship.

Anyway, there’s nothing explicit going on, I think she is just very lonely, and I am more than happy to give her attention because I have a soft spot for old people and I guess for her as well.

She has offered to pay off my rent for the remaining 4 months left on my lease, and has fixed up a room in her house that she wants me to move into.

She says she will pay me weekly allowance of $600 should I accept, and that I can come and go as I please. Obviously, I will be taking care of everything around the house. Everything that needs doing I will do and I will try to make the last years of her life the best ones yet. I’d do anything as long as it’s not “naughty”.

Should I feel bad about this arrangement? Her loser 56 year old son lives with her now and she is kicking him out so I can move in. He is very mean to her and a big baby. Her daughter hit me up expressing concern. Her other son I get along with just fine and he seems cool.

No one else knows about the $600 a month and they will not as we don’t want to ruffle any more feathers.

Last thing, she has told me she wants to leave me the home whenever she passes away.

Is this an angel? Am I being punked? Should I feel guilty? What would you do in this situation?

A little about me, I’m a 28 y/o male bartender and home improvement salesman with no degree and very little to my name. I do work hard and have a good nest egg of a savings built up and some stocks and crypto for investments. I don’t NEED the help, but god it would be a blessing.

What do y’all think??

I’m addicted to paying women

I’ve posted before about being a “simp” and since then my life has kinda hit rock bottom and I’ve tried to get myself out of it.

For a while I stopped sending money to a dominatrix and started dating someone but throughout seeing her, the whole time all I wanted was to feel the how it felt when I served a dominatrix and felt that I was being used

I relapsed a few months ago and sent money to a twitch streamer and i spiralled from there and I’m back to serving another dominatrix and working 3 jobs again.

I broke up with my girlfriend as well because I was consumed by by being a sub and I just don’t know if I can ever be normal and have my own life because even when I got out of this and had a loving relationship, all I wanted was to be taken advantage of like that again. I’m starting to think that this is who I am and I am resigned to this.

Netizens’ comments

Bro what… start by sending less and less money. Build your self esteem, if you can work 3 jobs you should appreciate yourself because that’s crazy dedication. Also just start buying and spoiling your girl. You know you have a problem so thats a good sign of you trying to change it. You live one life on this planet bro you can change your life around.

Why would you not put all that energy into your girlfriend?

You should’ve told your girlfriend your sub fantasies instead of giving that energy to other people..

Get help for the “addiction” and then maybe the next time you have a girlfriend, be open with her about wanting to be a sub. You could even roleplay being a slave or worker and pretend to give money or something.

Recently there is a smart pants colleague that joined our company.

Likes to hao lian and points out other people’s mistakes

He likes to correct your mistakes (or what seems like the right answer to him) all the time. Having a conversation w him around just puts me in anxiety mode.

He likes to be “right” all the time and always like to show off his knowledge in a particular area, basically likes to come out on top as long as he participates in the conversation.

I enjoy conversations w my other colleagues, but is tough to have him around w/o being too mindful of what I should be saying. I would still like to hang out with my other colleagues and enjoy good (full of mistakes) conversation with them, any suggestions on how to go about doing so?

I mean avoiding him altogether is one. But there would times where it will not be possible since we are in the same company.

Any experts on this?

Here are what netizens think

• Is it just you or do your other colleagues feel the same way?
  
  – I’m going to play the Devil’s Advocate and say your colleague might not even realise he’s doing that. He might honestly just want to share information and engage in conversation.
  
  – Talk to him about it in a nice way. If, however, the situation doesn’t improve, then you can direct the topic to other areas. You need to improve your filter so that such bullshit doesn’t affect you
  
• As soon as he starts talking, just deliberately get up and walk away if you don’t wish to hear what he has to say. Hopefully he gets the msg as well.
  
  – But are you sure he is not trying to impress you to get into your good books?
  
• just needs one person to call them out for them to be aware of their problem.
  
  – we used to have a colleague who joined from a more senior position at a smaller company. at our company, he is older, but he is the same rank as us and sits with us at our cubicles. yet, he still acts like he still has his own room, you know what im saying?
  
  – due to that ego, he never wanted to admit that he DOESNT know things. it feels like he wants to show that he is so good at his job that he doesn’t need us to guide him at all, when in reality, he does.
  
  – we colleagues had enough, and told our HoD that it is hard to work with someone like him, who acts like he cant be taught.
  
  – my HoD then asked him on a one on one, told him the truth that we are uncomfortable with him being hard to cooperate with, and asked him to keep an open mind.
  
  – after that, he was a peach to work with, finally started to be more friendly, finally started asking questions, and downright admitting to not knowing certain basic stuff he had never encountered before.