My wife (28F) and I (30M) have been married for several years, and our life is generally awesome and blissful. We are each other’s first bf/gf, are also each other’s best friend.
This means that we really just speak about anything and everything, and we haven’t really argued about anything since knowing each other. We are relatively successful at our careers so far, making enough money and also leaving a lot of time to spend with each other as well.
There’s just one problem. Our S life is very boring, by all standards, as you will read about soon.
This becomes even worse because I am pretty open to and seek new experiences in all aspects of life, such as food, entertainment and even at work. Actually, my wife is normally quite open as well, and we manage to experience many new things together, but in terms of S, she becomes dreadfully conservative.
One example is, when we got married, it took her about 6 months to be mentally ready for intimacy. This is already quite weird, because we dated for quite long (around 5 years), but apparently that dating process and getting officially married wasn’t enough for her. But this is still not a problem to me.
One big concern to me is that we only ever have S in one particular position. Yes, the exact same thing, from start to end, every single time, for several years since we started getting intimate. It is really getting boring, and in my mind, it is really becoming a chore.
I still love her very much and think that she is physically attractive, but the repetitiveness is affecting me. Think of it as eating the same delicious food every day, it will still eventually become harder to eat and less tasty. Or, let’s say, even if there was a peeping tom with a hidden camera in our bedroom, I doubt he would be still interested in watching us, haha.
The thing is, I have, for a long period of time, constantly tried to suggest new things to try. But she is rather resistant, and just rejects them most of the time. In the occasions when she is willing to give it a try, she usually stops me almost immediately, saying that it feels weird or she doesn’t like it.
And of course, I don’t pressure her whenever she rejects me or dislikes something. In case I get bashed in the comments, I must preface this with a disclaimer that we are both very vanilla with pitifully little experience, so these “new things” that I have suggested are really just simple tutorial-level stuff I googled off the internet. The extent of this, is that it can even include small changes to the brand/type of lubricant or condoms. In other words, we are “noobs”, and I have suggested very healthy and simple things to spice up our S life, but in vain.
However, this is only the first part of the problem.
Recently, my wife has been hinting that we are not having S often enough.
To preface this, just a brief description of how things work between us: I am always the one asking for it, and she either says “okay” or “not today”. So, she basically hinted that I have not been asking for it enough, and seems concerned about it. Frankly, I have just been responding by saying that “I don’t know. But probably due to work stress and also the reduction of testosterone as we age”, which is only partially true. On a side note, I am not sure why she is concerned about the frequency, but is not taking the initiative to ask for S – but this is a different problem.
Anyway, I have actually been purposely slowing down the frequency quite considerably, because I felt that spacing out the sessions helped me mentally, and also made each session more exciting for me. In fact, I was starting to get some performance issues at our previous frequency, mainly because it felt like a chore. But I am afraid that saying this outright would hurt her feelings. And I don’t want to use this as a reason (or threat) to get her try new things, as it is really just my own issue.
As I don’t have close friends or siblings to confide these things with or ask advice from, I have to resort to posting it anonymously. I know that going to a S therapist is a potential solution, but I already know what my wife’s response to that will be.
Plus, posting here, I actually just want to know if this is really a problem? Is this actually normal for couples, who are a few years in? Is there anyone that has resolved a similar problem? Any tips on what I should do next?
