I told my parents that I really hate my name, and I feel like I have hurt their feelings.

I’m 23 male, still in school and I have seriously been thinking about legally changing my 1st name for at least 10 years now. My name is a pretty well meaning name and I feel grateful my parents chose it for me.

My Chinese name is Guo Long, and apparently it means something about a country’s longevity or something I don’t know, can’t remember what my parents told me.

It sounds normal right? No. The hanyu pinyin spelling on my NRIC is Kok Long.

Growing up, you can just imagine the torment I went through whenever the teacher called my name in class, to the points where I only use my Chinese name now and not the hanyu pinyin version.

I have respect for my parents, therefore I decide to talk it out with them rather than just trying to change it myself without talking to them.

My mom was really against my idea immediately, saying that I didn’t think of how hard she chooses the name for me, and my that means that I disrespecting her as the person that give me the name.

I asked my mom for her reason, she said that it’s just didn’t make any sense for a child wanting to change their name, and the name I choose for myself isn’t as good as my given name (I just wanted to replace Kok Long with Guo Long)

She refused to even hear me out. Saying that even if I were to explain, that won’t change her mind. At all. Meanwhile my Dad simply says that he won’t agree to it and over his dead body.

I understand why they said so, but on the other hand it’s just feel so unfair. I said to them why can’t I decide something for myself and they don’t even know how I feel about it.

Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel?

Netizens’ comments

• No 23-year old needs their parent’s permission to change their name. NTA, it’s your name/life/identity and entirely your choice
• It’s your name not theirs. They can disagree with your choice but they can’t forbid it.
  If you will be asking everyone to call you by your new name it might be a struggle to make your parents do so as well.
• They would ask once you did it, so you were nice by giving them a head’s up and trying to talk about it. However, it’s your life and your name. End of story.
• you are 23 not a CHILD. So unless you choose some weird made up/offensive new name, in that case probably I will also say ‘well, are you sure…?’ I don’t see why you need your parents permission.
• INFO: Do you need permission if you are a legal adult?
• You’re 23 years old. You don’t need their permission. But it’s really really really weird that your Dad assumed he had control over your name, and that he would get to sabotage your efforts to change your name. Pay attention to that.

Have you had a salesperson fatshame you in SG?

I realize SG is not as PC/woke as some other countries, but I was quite taken aback when this auntie told me that “you are quite heavy so you need a larger size” today.

For context, she was trying to sell me an item that is larger than my usual size (which was not in stock).

And when I came out of the fitting room and told her it didn’t fit she said something along the lines of “see, (the item) too small right!”

And when I told her that actually it was too loose, she kind of snorted disbelievingly.

I felt kinda self-conscious the rest of the day even though I don’t really think I’m that fat (163cm, 49kg). Granted, I was wearing a flowy maxi dress (which I may also never wear again) so I might have looked larger. Also, I have eczema so I’m self-conscious about the way I look in general anyway.

How common is this kind of “sales tactic” here?

When I think about it rationally, I don’t think I’m fat. But I have put on a few KGs over the last few years and yeah I know it still doesn’t make me anywhere near being clinically overweight.

I kind of feel bad about the added weight tho, cuz I know it’s a result of straight up over-eating sinful things like bubble tea.

The over-eating is still on-going unfortunately. I’ve also always looked somewhat larger than my weight would suggest because my shoulders are rather broad. Not the dainty looking body type.

Netizens’ comments

1. Why are you even worrying that you’re fat when you’re borderline underweight?
2. 163cm and 49kg. BMI is 18.4. I would say you are somewhat underweight though. Dont take those words to heart. Aunties tend to have sh!t mouths and attitude.
3. Wtf i dislike people like that. not common, she is just bad at her job. Did you tell her off for her unprofessional behaviour?
4. Happened to me.
   I still have my obvious tummy leftover from pregnancy, but I still prefer to wear clothes that fit well on my shoulders (I’m 1.5m).
   I walked straight into the shop asking for the dress I knew I wanted to buy. I asked for an S. She looked me up and down and said, “I will give you an L, coz this one small cutting”.
   I went in the changing room, and came out showing her the big gap in the arm hole. I asked for a smaller size, so she gave me M.
   I went back in, also had a gaping hole, and so I asked for an S. I prefer its fit, and I came back out in my original clothes. She asked me mockingly, “So how? Need XS?”
   I want to support a local brand, so I’m quite disappointed with that particular staff. That outlet closed after a while, so I hope that lady is not in service line anymore!

I (F27) was a sugar baby during my schooling days. Should I tell my now boyfriend (M27), 7 years later?

I was a sugar baby when I was 20. It was a horribly traumatic experience and something that truly haunts me to this day.

I met up with 1 man, one weekend a month, for 5 months before breaking it off. We hooked up and slept together, he gave me money and bought me a ton of stuff.

When I ended things he was not happy, he wanted to tell all my friends and family since I kept it a secret from all but 1 friend. To this day only that 1 friend knows. He reached out to me 1 year ago via text letting me know he still has my number and would like to reconnect. I didn’t respond.

It is hands down the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I don’t know why I did it, the money was nice but I wasn’t in desperate need.

I’m sure there are some self esteem/ deeper issues at play but I can’t even tap into them. Definitely something I need to work out with a therapist but overall this is something that’s blacked out in my mind.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and we live together, moving towards engagement soon. Do I disclose this to him? I know there’s a gray area with telling someone your entire past and keeping some things to yourself. He’s very conservative and would NOT take this well, I don’t know what would happen if he found out.

It’s a semi concern this man is still harbouring feelings after all this time. Is this something I take to the grave and forget about? Or is this something a future husband needs to know about?

Fml, please help me not ruin my current relationship by being a stupid broken girl when i was younger.

Netizens’ comments

1. This is information you need to share with him.
   It is his right to be in a relationship with someone that aligns with his world view, or rather to have all the information if not and then to be a choice rather than one made for him.
   You clearly regret bad choices and are trying to make better ones, but that feeling does not justify keeping him in the dark. Despite some advice you may receive, it is not “just a job” to many people, men and women. It has a lot of baggage that cannot be dispelled for the salving of feelings.
   You may find that he can live with this, no problem. Men are not a monolith. You may find the bigger issue is sitting on the truth for so long and how it may suggest you are sitting on other things of note.
   If you love him then surely you will let him have the freedom of choice, just as you exercised? Do the tight thing.
2. Speaking as a very conservative minded man when it comes to women. That wouldn’t bother me at all. You did what you had to do. There are no videos on the internet of you. You don’t do it anymore. If I were to scold anything about you it would be you are an idiot for not changing your number.

Sweating too much

Hi, I am person that sweats more than your average joe. Let me just elaborate on HOW much i sweat. I sweat so much that my hands start dripping sweat whenever i am in the MRT/Bus.

I am pretty sure some people have noticed my sweat before in public transport. Today my hand was holding the pole and i was so afraid my my sweat dripping onto the person grabbing onto the same pole below my hand

For those who says to ” go exercise “, i can assure you that it is not cause im unfit. I go gym everyday and breeze through IPPT etc.

Funny enough this only happens when i leave my house. Whenever i leave work/school to travel back home, it isnt that bad.

I know it has something to do with my anxiety and i am not sure how i can reduce my sweating whenever i leave my house.

Currently whenever i leave my house and travel on the public transport i already look like i went for a swim

I am going to try iontophoresis next week and i really hope it goes well… I would appreciate any other advice/help

Netizens’ comments

1. A friend who we call “han bao bao” like burger but more like sweating baby solved the problem by buying a very old car for like less than 10k to drive for a year. And then she also did Botox on the problem areas to stop sweating.
2. I know a person who shares the same issue as you, his palms sweat a lot. He really hated it and just went to surgery to “solve” this issue. Now his palm doesnt sweat but the sweat is redirected to his back. So his back now sweats a lot.
3. I did iontophoresis during NS. Only helps for like a week or so for me. Doesn’t help with other parts of the body. And the sweat will be diverted to those parts apparently.
4. I have no advice but I just wanna say that you are not alone!! I’ve noticed that in the recent years that I’ve started working out more, I’ve been sweating a whole lot easier and apparently it can something about how your body adapts to cooling itself down faster(?)
   I can literally sweat through my clothes just from a 10 min walk and there’s nothing I can do cause I sweat like from my head or face and like chest. The only things I do is carry a handkerchief around with me and try to give myself some extra time if I’m going somewhere and meeting people so I can go to the toilet to dry off a bit or just stand around in some AC place to cool off… we’re not made for Singapore weather :”)
5. I think in terms of a long-term solution, you should really consider therapy to address the anxiety. You might be surprised to discover the source/trigger of your anxiety and you’ll be a happier person if you learn strategies to manage the anxiety or even eventually reduce its intensity. Good luck!

My blood is boiling. A few months ago, my wife made plans with her friend to go to a club. She’s pretty introverted and typically is more inclined to play video games at home than go to some loud event, so I was happy she was so excited to go out.

Tonight was it. She got dressed up really nicely and looked stunning. I was their chauffeur for the night so they could have some drinks.

I went back home after dropping them off and didn’t expect to hear from her until later.

About 9pm I get a text from her saying that she wants to go home and that there were some guys making her uncomfortable. I was out the door in about 2 seconds.

On the way there, she called me and asked me to just stay on the phone with her. She had gotten separated from her friend in the crowd and some guy was following her. I swear to god I would have drove my car through the doors of the venue if it meant I could to get to her faster. Luckily, she found her friend and I was able to pick them up without much issue.

She explained that there were some guys hitting on them and asking to dance. Her friend danced with one guy but my wife was just vibing to the music and didn’t want to dance. Well I guess that wasn’t good enough of a reason for the other guy and he kept pestering her and getting in her personal space and asking her why she didn’t want to.

“Your friend is dancing, why won’t you?”, “Why are you being so shy?”, “I don’t see your husband here” , “just come dance, don’t be boring.”

She said she needed to ‘go to the restroom’ and her friend got the cue and they went somewhere else. Well, the creep started pestering them again.

That’s when my wife started panicking and texted me.

She was shaken up, but this wasn’t even the first or nearly the worst time this has happened to her. She’s been stalked by creepy guys at least a dozen times in her life that I know of.

I gave her a big hug and told her I’m sorry that it happened but that she was safe. There really wasn’t anything else I could do.

I just held her for a minute and hid my blood-curdling rage.

I know that this kind of thing is extremely common for women to go through. I don’t understand how these predatory pieces of shit can have such utter disregard for women.

I got rejected because I’m too tight?

(28) F here. Met up with a guy on Friday after what seemed like a good connection. We were f-ing and he paused mid saying I needed “an average” guy because I’m too tight?

He was complaining that he was feeling more pain than pleasure and blamed it on me, saying that he’s trying his hardest to stuff it in and he’s not enjoying it at all.

So he’s into loose women? Can you even feel anything? I don’t know if the problem here lies with me or lies with him.

everything went from great to bizarre. I have been with guys around his size before and never had a bad time? am I the problem?

Netizens’ comments

1. I’m too tight but I’m the one bothered by it. Everyone has different sensitivities. Guys of a certain size rip and tear me; even with lube and going slow and prepping me. But they don’t feel discomfort themselves.
   You are the opposite version. You didn’t feel discomfort but he did. Nobody is wrong or bad. Body compatibility is a real thing. Don’t take offense. Just move on.
2. Not a problem with you, just his preference. There are way too many people in the world for either of you to worry about this.
3. That really is one odd preference, but to each their own. It’s better he was up front now instead of months later.
4. My friend (well endowed) says it absolutely hurts to the point where he wants to tear up when he’s with someone too tight. He’s been turned down and turned down many girls cause of this issue.
   It’s not you at all.
5. I’ve heard guys say it can hurt if they are too big for their partner. They do stretch more when fully turned on though so he could have taken time out to pleasure you more. Either way nothing wrong with you, don’t worry about it, sometimes things don’t work out
6. Personally? I don’t like overly tight. My wife thinks I’m weird. I’ll spend a long time “warming her up” prior to piv, too relax her and make it looser, although occasionally I’ll really cave getting a squeeze too.
   Social expectations are that tighter is better, so there is a mindset, specially in younger people, that if you’re not super tight you’re not as good as the next. 

My wife (34f) and I (37m) are planning a slightly delayed honeymoon that we are paying for ourselves. We’ll be gone for Christmas this year and the idea is to have a quiet Christmas in a foreign country with just the two of us, our new little family that will hopefully be gaining a new member about 9 months from the honeymoon.

I have a great relationship with my in-laws and they have been beyond generous with us. They paid for a lavish wedding and are just all-around generous and welcoming. My wife has a somewhat strained relationship with her mother and when they spend a lot of time together it usually puts my wife in a negative headspace. Despite this, they spend a lot of time together.

Over lunch today, my MIL found out we would be gone for Christmas and immediately started planning with the rest of the table to join us for part of the trip. My wife agreed that it was a great idea and they all started making plans. Nobody asked me how I felt.

I stayed out of the conversation because I didn’t want to make a scene since there was extended family there. I kept squeezing my wife’s leg and trying to communicate with my eyes that I was uncomfortable but she either ignored me or didn’t realize.

As soon as we left the restaurant, my wife asked me if I was upset. I told her I was very upset and hurt that nobody thought to ask me about my preference. She told me that it probably wouldn’t pan out anyway and that I was overreacting. I told her she was dismissing me and then she got in her car and drove off without saying goodbye.

I have been home for hours now and she has been in the bedroom intermittently napping. I don’t want to make this fight bigger than it already is, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated and hurt that my wife hasn’t attempted to make peace or even acknowledged me.

If they joined us, it would be up to 7 people including siblings and partners. They discussed visiting us for only Christmas Day, but already the MIL is vying for more time. I can feel my honeymoon being chipped away. Not only is this a very different plan than my wife and I had discussed in private, but I’m concerned that my MIL’s presence will put my wife in a bad mood. I’m also concerned that I will be in a bad mood because it’s not what I want at all. I don’t want any bad feelings on my freakin honeymoon!

Besides feeling dismissed, I’m frustrated because the fact that my MIL thinks she is being denied spending Christmas with us means that my wife never communicated that we intend to alternate years and this year belongs to my family. So that’s a bigger issue. And the fact that my wife enthusiastically agreed to the plan means that if we tell the in-laws that they are uninvited, it will be clear that I am the reason. I wish my wife would stand up to her mother rather than making me look like the bad guy.

But is it antiquated to expect that we spend our honeymoon entirely by ourselves? Am I a bad husband if I don’t find a way to bend on this

Guy humilates me for being “Too wet and nasty”?

22 f. This morning I had a guy over after chatting with him for a week on Tinder. i don’t know, i knew something was off in the first 10 mins of the session because he would look down and make these facial expressions of disgust…

it made me feel so insecure and off ….he went soft on me throughout the session, and we just called it quits.

I asked him what was wrong, and he just replies “I thought another dude finished inside you with the amount of slime you have coming there, you gotta tone that down it’s a turnoff for most guys”

I was struggling to make sense of what he said then and so confused that i just responded ” a real man would be elated if you’re causing that”

He responds “Not to me its gross”

I have never had an encounter like this…. and I can’t control how i feel or what my body decides to do when im excited and getting caught in the moment, sometimes i wish i do Cuz i get a little embarrassed sometimes…

Do you think it was something else or code for something else that he just doesn’t wanna say? Can anyone make sense of this and the issue? is this really a turn off for some guys????

Edit: I’m very hygienic, i spend hours in the bathroom getting ready to start my day every morning.

Netizens’ comments

1. So this guy was offended by your natural lubrication? That tells me he’s dead in the bedroom and is used to dry poo-say
2. He is immature and selfish and does not deserve the attention you gave him or the time you shared with him; I am sorry that happened. Never compromise your standards to be with with anyone
3. I’m thinking he really had no experience. One day he’ll look back and feel humiliated that he ever treated you like this…once he has enough experience to see reality.
4. Even worse is that he EVER thought it was okay to speak like that to someone, never mind when you are in a vulnerable position of mid-act. His attitude is the only “nasty” thing that happened here.
5. He’s inexperienced and judgmental. Just avoid him because I can tell you straight up the majority of us men crave this! And why? It’s a sign you’re obviously turned on by us and what we’re doing, plus your body has the ability to produce ample amounts of natural lube easily, which some women have issues doing.

i lost my virginity at a massage parlor at 18 and i feel so much shame

when i was 18, i went with a few friends to a massage parlor in JB to lose my virginity. The girl that I chose led me into the room.

i was really nervous, and she told me to have a shower, i hopped in the shower and showered and put my boxers back on, she came back into the room after i was done.

she then grabbed my pants and pulled them down, and she massaged me on the table when i was lying face down, and then i flipped over and she saw my D at full attention, she then put a condom on and blew me.

after i f her and came super quickly. the whole experience blew my mind, she was really genuinely nice to me and said how handsome i was ( I know she is getting paid but it was still nice)

I have a long history of suffering from extreme anxiety, and this experience was basically the first time in my life anyone had shown me any affection (again, I know it’s paid but still) and at the time it really did help me overcome my fear of talking to women and it gave me a lot more confidence.

I went back two more times to massage parlors after that day, and again when I was in Thailand I brought two prostitutes back to my hotel room

At the time, I thought this was acceptable behaviour, as I have been doing a lot of inward reflection I have come to the conclusion that this is not acceptable at all and the whole thing is just damaging in a lot of ways to both parties involved.

and it pains me, because this can’t really be talked about openly with anyone around me. it has put me in a little bit of a world of my own.

I am crippled by feelings of shame over my decision to use escorts. I know that I was doing my best with the information and mental state I had at the time, but it is still shameful. and when I think about forming relationships with girls and dating, it’s saddening to me that this is part of my past.

I don’t know how this will be received by girls, and overall I am just sad at the moment at myself.

life has been exceptionally difficult for me for a long time, it feels like I have had to fight tooth and claw to even get to where I am mentally at the moment but it hurts when you have things part of your past that can’t be changed.