Here’s the story. This white dude is almost 20 years older than her, a rich man holding a high position. They have married for 5 years.

The first time they came to my home for dinner, my husband told me he sensed some weird racist vibe from my friend’s husband. I didn’t sense anything that night because I was primarily talking to my friend, but I do remember my friend’s husband talked about getting into troubles at work because he was ME TOOed by a student. Red flag no 1, but I still trusted him at that time.

The other day I dropped by their house and he kept showing me cute Asian stuff, such as anime related things, stuffed animals….I said I’m not into this and he was surprised. And I noticed a book of his, The Power Broker (book about Robert Mosses) and I started to talk about the book, he didn’t engage in the conversation.

My friend told me her husband used to date only Asian girls, including his ex wife. I asked if she cares about it and her response is no, she thinks he’s the perfect man for her, mature and “silly” at the same time, established, caring and intelligent. I kept my mouth shut that day.

The next thing I sensed is that he doesn’t have many friends. The other day a common friend told me she (Asian female, in her 30s again) was asked to be the witness of his will. I was shocked that this friend only sees him probably several times a year and they’re not even that close. Can’t he find someone else?? He has lived almost half a century in this city. Why do you ask your wife’s friend to do such an important thing?

Then I went onto his Instagram to do some stalking and I found 25% of the accounts he follows are Asian females. That‘s the moment that I retrieved my “benefit of the doubts “ for him and started to feel infuriated.

I talked to a friend of mine about this situation and he pointed out that I’m married to a white man as well. Yes, that’s very true.

But I met my husband through work and we share similar interests and taste in music, cinema and art. We run a business together and I have never felt he was attracted to me because I am Asian. My husband and I both dated people from different countries and ethnicities background in the past as it’s very common living in our multi-racial society.

I never had any insecurity about my own relationship. And we’re also in the similar age so we’re navigating life together with similar mature level.

I personally can’t stand with stereotypes and I think it’s harmful for my Asian female community. Am I being too narrow minded? Should I accept my friend’s relationship as love can’t be judged? I’m very perplexed and most importantly, I have no courage to talk to her about my true feelings.

Please give me some advices, thank you!

Since we moved together, is being a challenge. I am finishing a PhD, working in a multinational company and being in charge of the house facilities.

As I am used to be independent for me is not a big deal, but we have some improvements in our relationship since he is more and more involved in (his & his mom words) “woman’s tasks”. Notice: he always lived with his mom even his parents get divorced 10 years ago and she always treated him like this. No girlfriend before me.

Baby steps like going to the supermarket together or him making his own breakfast have been happening in the last 6 months and he has opened his mind and being more adult.

I am going on a 2 months trip and this the first time ever he is going to live alone and be independent in a daily live task.

I am very happy because I know this opportunity will be very good for him and even he is expecting it. But, the other night I heard his momma planning to move the same country as us and I saw this old experience back again in our lifestyle.

Of course he did not mention it to me as (from what I heard) is a 3-year plan, but I am expecting him to bring this into a conversation at any time. I know she is not going to live with us but of course will take any opportunity to join us at any event.

She is very intense and I am scared that she will try to be again ‘his maid ‘ and he will allow it. If he would ask I would say “no” and no reasons because I know he would not like my reasons (he never say any bad on her &his behavior) but even if he insist I am willing to not continue with the relationship because my mental health is in the game.

Now some years later that has gotten worse, my parents offered to buy their house for them which they agreed to after a while. My parents paid off their loans and gave they extra cash that most people would have been able to live if for a long time.

When I started uni I sometimes took the same bus as my aunt. And every time I did she would rant about how she doesn’t have any money and how high my parents have made the rent ( even though they have set it extremely long so they don’t even make any profit from them living there). This would go on for a very long time and one day I snapped at her.

I told my aunt that she has no right bad talking about my parents or anyone and that she shouldn’t complain after everything my family has done for her. It’s not our problem she can’t handle money or take care of her son alone without having to ask for help from us. I told her that my parents weren’t the problem but she was.

This made her really upset and she started shut talking me on the spot and saying I’m a bad person and that my parents hasn’t raised me right. That’s when I said that “at least my parents raised me, you leave your son alone all the time with our grandma and doesn’t even care that he feels like helpless”

She would later on tell this to our whole family and most of them agree with me since I’m right but some says I’m evil for doing so and I shouldn’t have said anything about how she “ raise “ her son and her having money problems.

So am I the terrible person here?