Dated this guy when he was in NS and I was in JC a few years back. Hooked up, went out, didn’t work out. He’s in some engineering course graduating this year, and we’re both attached to other people right now; I’m pretty happily attached, not sure about him.
My current bf is a GCB, though he doesn’t really show up to church and stuff, but he’s religious and stuff. Compared to this ex of mine, he’s pretty much a saint. I just can’t shake the feeling that while this relationship is something I want, it’s comparatively boring. I’m not saying I want to mix things up, I like things as they are now, but things as they are now are… boring.
My ex was a player who “just so happens” to always end up with some attached girl and frankly it was pretty suspicious that he was *that* good in bed – I say this because guys his age aren’t usually good in bed at all (“data” collected from friend’s stories and anecdotes and boyfriend gossip as usual).
So no, I don’t want him back, and I definitely don’t want someone like him or even close.
I just don’t know why I feel that this relationship is comfortable, but just… boring. We do the same things, we don’t make spontaneous decisions, everything goes the same way every time, and we don’t do bedroom things (GCB, remember). And my bf, who’s nice and a great guy is incredibly averse to doing anything we didn’t plan out beforehand, we don’t even take detours, our plans are set like at least a week in advance and he insists on following the plan. He’ll get really upset if we so much as take a small detour to look at something that caught my attention. It feels very… robotic? And frankly as much as I like him, he’s very naïve.
It’s a small thing that I’m pretty annoyed with tbh, because he has such a small pool of things he actually wants to do, few hobbies, doesn’t go drinking, doesn’t want to go to bars even if it’s for the food (I miss Stickies’ curly fries), doesn’t approve of me drinking so much as wine (not a good image, don’t want people to think you’re wild or whatever), and when we do get lunch or dinner on our dates it’s frankly the same few places every time for the past 3 years. We do try new places sometimes, but it always comes back to him preferring the usual places and we never go back.
I’ve tried talking to him, I’ve tried explaining that maybe we should mix things up and try new things go see new places go on a walk or a hike (I’m more on the sporty side? I was in volleyball and a couple of other sports CCAs over my school days and I do still keep up the physical activity quite a bit) but he’d prefer to stay at home and just say that I can do these things without him or like suggest something else that we can do that’s… definitely not a new thing. I’ve tried explaining that I find things we do kinda… stale? Like we’ve done the same things eaten at the same places over and over for 3 years, but I’ve tried the “softer” approach – “can we try something new”, “can we try this new place”, “do you want to try this” and the more straight forward approach “hey uh, I’m a bit bored of the food here, do you want to try this thing that has nice reviews too?” but every time, regardless of approach (I tried the soft one first, of course) he takes it as a personal affront and goes on this long lecture and rant and then scolds me for “getting bored” as if it’s my choice to “get bored” and offending him like this…
I like him, and I do want to make this work, but it really feels like we can barely do the same things and while it feels like I’m always accommodating him, he doesn’t do the same for me. Those days with my ex were… interesting? He was more spontaneous, we’d do a lot of really “fun but also because it’s kinda breaking the rules” stuff, stay out till pretty late, go drinking and get wasted together, it was a new thing every other day we went out and we’d only revisit stuff when we wanted to. But I guess something I really value is like how much my partner accommodates me? Like with my ex I felt like anything was fair game and like there were really not many boundaries I can cross (maybe just don’t talk about past relationships or like keep him waiting and like idk blatantly disrespect him). Our jokes were largely offensive, he’s not one to mince words, and like talking and being in that relationship didn’t feel like I was walking in a minefield – right now if I so much as crack a slightly offensive joke with my bf, he’ll chide me for being childish and tell me “that isn’t nice” and mean it, and take me aside to tell me how that’s not nice…
And that’s not counting all the other things I feel like I can’t say? Like general criticisms, or like even asking to change plans or go to new places etc he takes as personal insults for some reason. Sigh. I’ve dated a couple of other “GCB” guys (these ones didn’t work out and didn’t end up as relationships), and while these rather “unspontaneous, overly wholesome” traits are more pronounced in my current bf, they are also common to my other more good-guy-stereotype dates. I find that talking to these very “good guy” people I feel very restricted in what I can say or do and what will set them off on a lecture or tirade :(. And the worst part is, some of these things aren’t even socially unacceptable or even “bad”. It’s like they just don’t want me to ruin their GCB aesthetic by doing GCB-unapproved things as their gf.
Not sure if the saying is true, but bad guys aren’t good but good guys aren’t fun :(.
